1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Short term respite care

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by uktoday, Dec 27, 2015.

  1. uktoday

    uktoday Registered User

    Jan 2, 2013
    39
    Just wanted some advice re short term respite care for mum. He was prome to violent outbursts but we got ss and doc changed his medication. Dad 100% refuses respite and although mood is slightly calmer just wondered the best way of getting him into short term respite for a few days without ww3 happening. Any ideas would be useful...
     
  2. Frankieisblue

    Frankieisblue Registered User

    Dec 19, 2015
    58
    Hi

    Get back in touch with social services asap , most do short term respite service but you have to book
     
  3. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,111
    Tell him in no uncertain terms.
    2 weeks respite or permanent care home.
    The choice is his, the current situation is going to stop.

    Let him blow, involve Police if he gets violent.

    Good luck
    Bod
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    Actually....you can't force someone into respite or any other service even if you might want to and social services will be the first people to tell you that. If he is refusing respite he would be deemed as having some understanding and some capacity and if he has capacity at that moment in time he can't be forced!!

    So in my opinion gentle persuasion with some firmness ....the doctor says you need to spend a few days here for your health and then you can come home - would be a better approach. You haven't been very well and they just want to check you over....................the doctor insists so there isn't much choice. But with constant reassurance that he will be coming home - fear is the biggest factor in frustration and violent outbursts - it is the loss of control, the feeling that you have no point of reference and everything is slipping away from you.

    I don't believe that straight confrontation with a person with dementia is not a great idea and if you did it to me I would smack you round the face with a wet flannel lol so I would do anything before i did that. I would definitely try a bit of white lie mixed with firmness and a lot of prayer!!
     
  5. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    624
    Female
    stoke on trent
    I agree with fizzie.. I tell dad love lies... Like the doctor thinks it will be good for you and your health can be assessed.. Or something like that.. Although last time I told dad on the morning he was going that in order for me to look after him I had to have a rest from time to time and that it would be a change of scenery for him.. Love lie again I said that the doctor thought this was for the best. Hope this helps.. Exhausted 2015 xx
     
  6. Ellaroo

    Ellaroo Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    161
    Liverpool
    First time i tried respite with mum i knew to be economical with truth.
    I asked her if she would like to come out for a coffee to a pensioners club. She agreed thankfully.
    I then said they do meals throughout day and people can stay over...
    When we got there the olympics were on tv and mum was talking to a resident male, having a laugh etc.
    We sat down had a drink and mum blertted out Is this what I think it is !
    I was like a trapped mouse , pretended not to understand but said i. Needed toilet.
    I thought mum wasnt ready for respite , toilet and home.
    The nurse stopped me and I said too soon, try again in few months. nurse told me her mum had dementia and for me to just leave . i was shocked but as her mother had died of dementia thought she knows what she is talking about. She reassured me if mum got stressed i would be contacted.
    Mum Was fine and 3 days later when i collected her she asked if I Could have a cup of tea, no mention of me doing a runner or abandonment . It would have been different if she had .
    Good luck, which it really is with dementia xxx
     
  7. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    802
    You can't force a person into respite but neither can you force one adult to look after another.If Dad won't go to respite could your mum go away for a few days?In my opinion the carer is just as important as the carer.Tell ss that your dad is a vulnerable adult,that your mum is in dire need of respite and leave it to them
     
  8. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    I agree that the carer is a key person in all of this but I was just saying there are different ways of persuading people to do things and the gentler, kinder, possibly not quite so truthful option is the one I would choose and the one I have found most successful - but that is just my opinion. My post was in response to Bod who was suggesting a radical approach and all guns blazing which in my experience has no chance of working and ends up upsetting everyone including the carer.
     
  9. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,111
    My suggesting of a radical approach, was made to leave room for negotation, he may agree to 1 week not 2 and feel he has "won" something.
    I've also found that for some people the hard faced truth sometimes works better than shilly shalling around, trying not to upset.
    With my own MiL, to get her into respite, I had to be totally truthfull, if her daughter (the Carer) collapased then there would be no choice as to what had to be done. MiL did go, with bad grace, into respite, and enjoyed it!
    Only you as carer will have the best idea as to how your person will react.
    Some get upset, if they feel they are being treated as a child, and wish to have the decision. Others are happy to have the decision made for them.
    The trick is to the get the decision in your favour, by fair means or foul!

    Bod
     
  10. cat6214

    cat6214 Registered User

    Jan 2, 2016
    10
    Central New Jersey
    Since you have to pay anyway, why not pay for in home health aides?

    I have in home health aides 4 nights a week and 2 four-hour mornings a week. Plus Dad goes to an adult dementia controlled day care one day a week. That gives me the breaks I need while keeping him at home in the setting he is used to. We pay out of pocket, but you will need to pay for the respite care anyway. The cost might be equal but he may prefer the in home care. If you go through a good company, the aides are well trained and terrific.
     

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