Shocking developments.

[garnuft]

I've been married twice and I'm hoping to embark on my final, civil adventure.

My Dad, for whom I occupied the apple-of-my-eye status, would say, DID say 'Give her away? I'll give you thirty bob if you'll take her!'


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[garnuft]

I agree.But it's amazing how many women still do agree.I work with a lot of young women and I fear there is a post feminist revolution going on!

There is indeed a post feminist revolution going on, you couldn't be more right.

It sneaks in and takes advantage of good humour and manners. In fact, it sits hidden in good humour and manners.
Well said, Notsogooddtr.


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[LadyA]

Oh poor Gwen! You are having a rough time. (btw, I also have a hat for the wedding - a lovely little black velvet one!). I changed my name when I married. Dau did too, but for some things, she still uses her single name. Very confusing!

 

[notsogooddtr]

There seems to be a prevalent and rather weird(imo)ambition to be a 'princess'.My ambition was to be a functioning,independent and equal human being.

 

[Witzend]

I have been married for about a million years and changed my name,didn't give it a second thought.My daughters say that if they marry,which is very unlikely,they will keep their own name and any children will also have their name.And no one will give them away.

My elder daughter got married in the summer, and she's kept her own name. The main reason was professional - too many work contacts in many parts of the world could have been confused, not to mention all the faff of it.
Their baby has taken her husband's surname, with daughter's surname as a middle name.

A nephew of mine who is only three years older, was shocked that she wasn't changing her name.

When I got married in the mid 70s I wrote to my bank to let them know my change of name.
The nosy officious s*ds said they needed to know my husband's full name, and his profession.
I was incensed enough to change banks forthwith.

 

[LadyA]

I think the reason dau still uses her single name for some things is that her husband is Eastern European, so her married name is slightly different to his. So, things like booking airline tickets etc. they would have to be careful, if she changed her passport, because if the tickets were both booked as Mr. & Mrs. S (his name) - her name on her passport would be different. So they've just left her passport in her single name, and book tickets in her single name. And I think she kept one bank account for her paycheque in her single name so her employer didn't have to change things. Then they also have a joint account in her married name. I don't know how they keep track!

 

[Saffie]

Never gave it a second though when I got married.
It was just tradition and what you did.
However, with other people having trouble getting my first name right, I really should have chosen someone with an easier surname!
The thing is that in Wales it was never a problem!

 

[Spamar]

I was glad to get rid if my birth name and my first husbands name. Got fed up with having to spell them all the time! Worth the hassle to have OHs surname, easy to spell and pronounce. Won't change it again, anyway!

 

[Aisling]

P rang from work, 11.30 this morning to say Care Connect had contacted him due to an emergency call from his Dad and Mum, emergency buzzer pressed.

He couldn't leave work, he works 40 mile away anyway, and I have son at home (as usual) through illness (he has a 'bead' in his ear and was due to have another attempted syringe this afternoon.

Anyway, they attended to the call, to find that my mother-in-law, who is 92 and disabled through arthritis, had been pushed to the floor by Father-law, who is 89 and had mixed dementia.
They used an inflatable bag to bring her to her feet.
She said she was ok, shaken up obviously and by the time I got over with son ( pre-lug-hole procedure) pa-in-law was dozing in chair, all forgotten.



They'd squabbled ....no, not right....MIL had berated him for not going into the bathroom for a wash and a shave and push led to shove!!

She is rooted to her routine.
Breakfast 8am.
Wash etc. 8.30
Clean bathroom 9.30

She woke him at 7.45....he didn't want to get up, she made him.

He dilly-dallied over breakfast...well, I'm sure you can guess the rest.

P is beside himself with rage and worry. It was his last day at work for a week (he has a weeks holiday booked for next week, son is in respite for 3 nights, P and I are due to go to London for 2 nights on Tuesday, our first break together for 11 years).

I rang social care direct, FIL HAD a social worker but was signed off as MIL and he decided they didn't need help.

We decided it wasn't a good idea to regard it as a safeguarding issue (police ) but they have arranged for a carer to come from tomorrow morning, mornings only at the moment but MIL is already saying she doesn't want anyone to come every day.
I had a LONG, gentle talk with her, I totally understand where she's coming from but with P waiting for news about surgery, what else can we do?


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You are doing your best. MIL may enjoy having a carer every morning. See how it goes. You can't do anymore.

Slainte,

Aisling ( Ireland)

 

[garnuft]

You are doing your best. MIL may enjoy having a carer every morning. See how it goes. You can't do anymore.

Slainte,

Aisling ( Ireland)

Thank you Aisling, that post was from September last year, sadly, my dear, gentle FIL was taken into emergency care 3 days before Christmas. I'm sorry to read about the struggles you are having. x

Dear Pappy is in his new home. MIL delighted with it (first time she's seen it) staff absolutely lovely to them both (and of course to Peter and I but I care more about the wrinklies )

Managed to get one of the bigger rooms, we chose one overlooking the market square so there is some activity out of the window, the otherside overlooks fields and I chose what I would have wanted for myself ...happily Margaret (MIL) completely agreed.

Shuffled the furniture about a bit...moved bed and stuff to make a larger space in the middle of the room and put in his new Telly.

Margaret happily unpacked his bags and folded them IMMACULATELY as women of her generation and upbringing are wont to do...I started the unpacking and she shuffled around behind me re-folding neatly!

Harry knew ALL of our names!!! really pleased about that, it was nice to look into his eyes and know he knew.

He was sent from intermediate home without his glasses but I flew over (15mins quiet country drive) to their house and collected a handful from his study drawer...eventually we found a pair that he and MIL were satisfied with.

The home were so welcoming to them both, all smiley faces popping in to introduce themselves and the Manager taking a lot of time to reassure Margaret that she's welcome all day, everyday, if she wants.
She was pleased about the idea of coming for lunch with Harry, that will be a VERY good thing for her.

He came with very good reports, they were sad to see him go (the collecting carer said) and had been a joy to have, so that'll stand him in good stead in his new Dorm.

All in all, a good day.

 

[bemused1]

That's lovely to hear Gwen and must be a weight off your mind as well. Hopefully fil will be happy and mil will accept the change is good and get pleasure from visiting.

 

[Aisling]

I've been married twice and I'm hoping to embark on my final, civil adventure.

My Dad, for whom I occupied the apple-of-my-eye status, would say, DID say 'Give her away? I'll give you thirty bob if you'll take her!'


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Hi Garnuft,

Congratulations. When is your big day? I need time to get an outfit!!

Aisling ( Ireland)

 

[2jays]

Sounds good Gwen.

Time to catch a breath before you have a huge sigh of relief.

OxO


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[angecmc]

Glad to hear things are better for your in laws xx

Ange

 

[garnuft]

Thank you Bemused, Aisling, 2jays and Ange.

Little Pappy would be chuffed at you all for caring about him.

Thank you x

....Aisling... I need to get a divorce first!
Left husband April 2000.

Solicitor will get a shock (and no doubt put in a large bill)
Need divorce, deputyship, 4 ...that's four LPA's and two wills doing.

Just come as you are


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[jan.s]

Hi Gwen, Don't post much these days, I do read some, especially the posters from my "era on TP". I am so pleased to hear that Harry is comfortable in his new surroundings. The staff sound lovely, which is how it should be, and it sounds like you all have faith in them, which is wonderful.

The most important thing in my view is that he is happy, and the care is good.

I am glad that at last, something positive has happened for you. x

 

[notsogooddtr]

Your 'pappy'is breaking my heart,he sounds so lovely and so like my own dear dad.Everyone who has cared for him has said what a lovely,gentle man he is and even now when his AD is very advanced he still(usually)will say please and thank you.I am so proud he is my dad.But so sad that he is so ill.I do hope FIL has many contented days to look forward to and that mil can enjoy her time with him.