Hi All
Have not been on for ages as have had such a hectic time this year with my parents it is untrue. I will try to briefly explain the situation and wonder is anyone can advise please.
Mom 82 diagnosed with vascular dementia and capras syndrome last year. She is moderate-severe now. Dad is principal carer, well in the respect he lives with her and I do all housework, shopping, taking them to appintments and sorting out bills and liasing with healthcare professionals and social workers etc. Dad not the most patient man and is also very arrogant and pig-headed, as in wont listen to anyone or do as he is told.
Well, things going ok (ish) until new year this year when dad fell and broke ankle, a severe break which meant he had to stay in hospital for weeks and have metal plate in. Mom was put into respite which I had to sort all myself as my Brothers just said "you move in with her, will only be for the couple of days he is in "(!)
Anyway she settled nicely and I used to take her daily to see dad. She has very reduced mobility and very prone to falls but we muddled through.Then Dad was discharged and it turned into a pantomime, he wanted Mom home and against advice of social workers and friends I did just that. It was a disaster, Mom wandering around filthy and burning 3 kettles a week, dad almost immobile and taking an hour to get into bed, leaving her to her own devices and Mom falling and crying all the time as dad, in his impatiant way is running the wheelchair into her poor legs.
I got social worker to visit who rang and said he wont let her back in but will agree to care for her (which has still to happen) I dont think care an hour a day will suffice as its the 12 hours in the day she is with him i am worried about!
Anyway moving on Dad had to go back in to have plates out as MRSA has set in. He has 2 wounds and one is 5inches wide and down to the bone. So I get Mom back into emercency respite again and again she starts to look well cared for and happier again.
Dad discharged 2 weeks ago with wound care at home and wants Mom out, I stood my ground and said no. Since then he admitted twice again for falls, stupid things like using a zimmer with one hand and carrying a cup of tea with other. On one occasion I had taken Mom there for a visit and left them have some time together when it happened. She was feebly banging the wall to next door with a tea-spoon to try to get help as Dad was stuck on floor.I did all the arrangements for a careline for him and the day before it was due to be fitted he told me to cancel it as they are a"load of rubbish!"
Anyhow up to present day, he is due home Monday and wants here home again. Part of the reason,well maybe the main one is in 2 weeks time Mom's status in home goes from "respite bed" to "permanent bed" and the fee changes from 65 pound a week contribution to 400 pound. Whilst I agree its scandalous I still think its better as Mom is safe there. Dad keeps saying he wants her home and is not paying that, he is not short of money and has X number of thousands of pounds stuffed in a tin! Does anyone know how it works? they have savings of less than 20k but do own their house. I know They get pension tax credit and only pay a small contribution to council tax. I thought I read on here that Dad would stay in house until he dies then all the fees that are owed for Moms stay are then taken off house profit. I have tried to look for the fact sheets on here but cant see them.
I am totally dreading him coming home and the ensuing chaos it will bring, my brothers who do not help just say let him get on with it, well one is adamant she must come home soon and I know in his mind he can see his inheritance dwindling! My thoughts are, although yes its is annoying it is THEIR money at moment and if it is needed to give Mom a better life then so be it, such is life. I tried to talk to Dad last night and say lets leave Mom but he is so arrogant and pig-headed he just spoke over me. He is still very immobile and disabled and they live in a house with stairs.
Any advice anyone. Sorry its long but my head is totally being done in taking 20 phone calls a day from Dad to do this that and the other when he wont listen to medical advice, pay for a carer for himself and lies to the hospital that I live there so he can get out.PS have come backon to edit as have found fact sheets. Still very confused and cant seem to see my parents example.
Thanks for reading
Kxx
Have not been on for ages as have had such a hectic time this year with my parents it is untrue. I will try to briefly explain the situation and wonder is anyone can advise please.
Mom 82 diagnosed with vascular dementia and capras syndrome last year. She is moderate-severe now. Dad is principal carer, well in the respect he lives with her and I do all housework, shopping, taking them to appintments and sorting out bills and liasing with healthcare professionals and social workers etc. Dad not the most patient man and is also very arrogant and pig-headed, as in wont listen to anyone or do as he is told.
Well, things going ok (ish) until new year this year when dad fell and broke ankle, a severe break which meant he had to stay in hospital for weeks and have metal plate in. Mom was put into respite which I had to sort all myself as my Brothers just said "you move in with her, will only be for the couple of days he is in "(!)
Anyway she settled nicely and I used to take her daily to see dad. She has very reduced mobility and very prone to falls but we muddled through.Then Dad was discharged and it turned into a pantomime, he wanted Mom home and against advice of social workers and friends I did just that. It was a disaster, Mom wandering around filthy and burning 3 kettles a week, dad almost immobile and taking an hour to get into bed, leaving her to her own devices and Mom falling and crying all the time as dad, in his impatiant way is running the wheelchair into her poor legs.
I got social worker to visit who rang and said he wont let her back in but will agree to care for her (which has still to happen) I dont think care an hour a day will suffice as its the 12 hours in the day she is with him i am worried about!
Anyway moving on Dad had to go back in to have plates out as MRSA has set in. He has 2 wounds and one is 5inches wide and down to the bone. So I get Mom back into emercency respite again and again she starts to look well cared for and happier again.
Dad discharged 2 weeks ago with wound care at home and wants Mom out, I stood my ground and said no. Since then he admitted twice again for falls, stupid things like using a zimmer with one hand and carrying a cup of tea with other. On one occasion I had taken Mom there for a visit and left them have some time together when it happened. She was feebly banging the wall to next door with a tea-spoon to try to get help as Dad was stuck on floor.I did all the arrangements for a careline for him and the day before it was due to be fitted he told me to cancel it as they are a"load of rubbish!"
Anyhow up to present day, he is due home Monday and wants here home again. Part of the reason,well maybe the main one is in 2 weeks time Mom's status in home goes from "respite bed" to "permanent bed" and the fee changes from 65 pound a week contribution to 400 pound. Whilst I agree its scandalous I still think its better as Mom is safe there. Dad keeps saying he wants her home and is not paying that, he is not short of money and has X number of thousands of pounds stuffed in a tin! Does anyone know how it works? they have savings of less than 20k but do own their house. I know They get pension tax credit and only pay a small contribution to council tax. I thought I read on here that Dad would stay in house until he dies then all the fees that are owed for Moms stay are then taken off house profit. I have tried to look for the fact sheets on here but cant see them.
I am totally dreading him coming home and the ensuing chaos it will bring, my brothers who do not help just say let him get on with it, well one is adamant she must come home soon and I know in his mind he can see his inheritance dwindling! My thoughts are, although yes its is annoying it is THEIR money at moment and if it is needed to give Mom a better life then so be it, such is life. I tried to talk to Dad last night and say lets leave Mom but he is so arrogant and pig-headed he just spoke over me. He is still very immobile and disabled and they live in a house with stairs.
Any advice anyone. Sorry its long but my head is totally being done in taking 20 phone calls a day from Dad to do this that and the other when he wont listen to medical advice, pay for a carer for himself and lies to the hospital that I live there so he can get out.PS have come backon to edit as have found fact sheets. Still very confused and cant seem to see my parents example.
Thanks for reading
Kxx
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