Severe weight loss

[GillU]

Hi all

My Mum (86) has been in a lovely home for almost a year now, following an exhausting 2 years trying to keep her in her own home, where she wanted to be. The carers are great, and seem to know the residents and their needs well. She’s comfortable, and seems to have reached a ‘pleasant’, smily stage in her dementia, following varying stages of agitation, irritation and aggressiveness. That appears to have gone now (at least for the time being?) and she’s quite settled. She’s been losing weight slowly for the last 2 or 3 years, but this has accelerated now and she has lost 5 kilos in 5 weeks, and is now 40 kilos, about 6.3 stones (she was 13 stones pre-dementia).

All the right steps have been taken, a dietitian has been in 5 weeks ago and checked how her food is served (mashed), what help she’s getting with feeding etc and is coming back in 3 weeks to review.

Mum seems to be taking all the food that she wants. She seems able to make her own mind up when she’s had enough, but gets quite agitated if the carers try to encourage her to have more, to the point where she swung her frame at one of them who was trying to feed her! The general consensus seems to be the need to ‘feed her up’, and I guess this is a natural reaction to someone who’s rapidly losing weight. But she seems far more settled than she’s been for a long time, and I feel inclined to ask them to just leave her when she’s satisfied, rather than risk unsettling her again. And to be honest, from what I’ve read, this weight-loss in late stage dementia seems to be an indicator that her body is beginning to struggle with processing food so there seems little point in trying to get her to take more?

I just feel so bad asking them not to do it because it sounds like I don’t want to try to prolong her life. I’d just rather her be as settled as she can be if she hasn’t got long left.

Any thoughts on the right thing to do would be much appreciated, thank you!

 

[marionq]

I would let her eat what she wants and in the amounts she wants. My husband likes his food but eats very very slowly. I asked the daycare to reduce the quantities and they are happy to do that. They can see he is getting enough sustenance. He is not losing weight but I wouldn’t worry if he did. At this stage in life I think your body tells your mind what is needed.

 

[Witzend]

Having seen evidently very well meant attempts to do the same in my mother's care home - endless coaxing and badgering to eat, when the person so clearly didn't want it - whimpering and repeatedly turning their head away - I have to say I think you're right. After seeing this sort of thing more than once, with residents already very elderly and with quite advanced dementia, I made up my mind that I wouldn't let it happen with my mother, but thankfully the situation never arose.
I expect the staff feel obliged to make every effort, but since it's causing such agitation, I think you have every right to say, please, just let her eat what she wants.

 

[Theresalwaystomorrow]

Hi to you all.
I understand this as my mum is very much the same .
Although she is eating and still enjoying food, the nh will give her sometimes 2 lots of breakfast if she will eat it and they say ‘at least they know she’s ate that if she dont eat nothing else.’
My mum has just lost 4.5 kil in a month which is worrying she is late stages .

 

[Spamar]

But people don’t die because they are not eating; they don’t eat because they are dying. The body doesn’t want, or can process food. It happened to OH, always one with a ‘fleeting’ appetite.

 

[GillU]

Thanks so much for your replies. This is such a hard disease to have to watch