1. CHEZA27

    CHEZA27 Registered User

    Jan 8, 2015
    Hello Me again!!
    Wanting some advice for people that may have experienced similar and can offer me advice. Mums been really distressed and agitated recently, it's really hard to understand her and actually know what she's trying to tell me. All I can get out of the mumbles are that 'a man is lifting my skirt' 'scratches on my arms' (there's nothing on her arms) she also points to her crutch and gets really upset and then starts shaking. It's really distressing to witness, I feel so angry not knowing what she's trying to tell me or that I'm Not responding how I should be. She must hate me knowing they I'm not responding to her how I should.

    Should I try to investigate further? Could something be happening? Is it delusions/paranoia?? What would be people's views on regards to putting a camera in the room??

    Very upset daughter :( xx
  2. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    If you are worried get a camera in her room. I am not technical to know how to go about buying/setting one up but I know some tp members are, in last year I have read quite a few threads on this. We can't put everything down to Dementia, although my mum who lives with me does have some fanciful dreams.
  3. sheila55

    sheila55 Registered User

    Feb 6, 2014
    I have to say I would be really worried if my Mum was saying stuff like that. Not sure how you go about it but I see cameras advertised on internet and I'm sure other people here could give you advice. I would go for it. It may be delusions on your Mum's part but you will always worry if you don't do something about it.
  4. CHEZA27

    CHEZA27 Registered User

    Jan 8, 2015
    My gut is telling me to set something up. Is there anyone ln here that could give me advice? Or could you point me in the direction of someone who could,

    Thanks x
  5. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    We went to Maplins and they kitted us out with what we needed and gave us loads off advice.
  6. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    The CQC did a report on filming in care homes (which I assume is the situation) there is a link to it below and a link to the Daily Mail's interpretation of it.
    The issue you have is that even if it's motion sensitive the power requirement and the size of the SD card will determine how long you can record for.
    The dashcam in my car is 32 Gb (gigabytes) but it starts to delete and overwrite after a time, the max is about 8 hours at 60 frames a second and 720 resolution (pretty poor quality and the sound is bad). There are more suitable ones often fit into a book which offer better battery life and multiple SD cards, don't get anything that needs plugging in it's too easy to spot. You could put one in that works over the internet so you can see and record it in real time.
    Getting out of James Bond mode it could be as innocent as a (hate to say this) masculine looking nurse and not a man that's lifting her skirt to help her change and could the scratches be just rough hands. Is it a carer or a fellow resident?
    In the first instance I'd speak to the manager and express your concern, if the staff are made aware then something may happen, if the staff are warned to be more vigilant or simply warned off.
    Of all the sadness I read on here this one of the saddest.
    Take care

  7. Pete R

    Pete R Registered User

    Jul 26, 2014

    From reading your previous posts your Mom is in a CH. Have you spoken to the Manager/Staff to see if they have noticed anything similar or if there is an infection?

    I have no problem with using covert cameras in CH's especially if it prevents the anxiety you are feeling, but it can be difficult and without the permission of the home it could lead to uncomfortable meetings if found.

    With the circumstances you have described I would first of all use a sound recording device. An unused smart phone with the right app will happily record for over 24 hours and even longer if it misses out the silent parts. These can easily be hidden out of sight and can be explained away if found.

    If you do this be prepared that listening to the recording can be quite distressing even when nothing untoward is happening.:(

    Just ask if you need any further advice.:)
  8. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    I too would discuss this, very calmly, with the manager in the first instance. There may be a simple explanation (as Kevini says, a male carer) but a good manager would want to know. She could be assigned only female carers, for instance. That protects the carers from false accusations too.

    If anything dodgy is going on, this is the quickest way to sort it out - having to listen or watch hours and hours of recordings to possibly spot something of concern is no small task, and a concealed camera is perhaps an unnecessary invasion of your mum's privacy. You are likely to end up watching her getting a pad changed or dressed. I hate the though of a hidden camera spying on me unless it was absolutely necessary.

    If the manager doesn't seem to take this seriously, however, then I'd certainly reconsider the options.
  9. namoxo

    namoxo Registered User

    Sep 11, 2014
    Hi Cheza27

    Your concern regarding your mums distress and agitation is very parallel to the same situation as my wife's, I always give my wife the benefit of the doubt when she indicated to me (facial expression) that a male presence is, at a pad change ,creates a agitation state ,I put a request notice on her bedroom wall that ONLY FEMALE CARING STAFF TO ADDRESS MY WIFE'S TOILETRIES and as I go to the nursing home quite early on the morning (some times it could be 5 30 am, this is because her anxieties deprave me of sleep, she is advanced dementia so I cannot communicate with her).
    The unit female care staff are first class ,but on one occasion when I was in her room very early morning a male night shift carer knocked to enter as is the procedure, to check her pad, I realised the night staff were disregarding my request (per notice) I then put a notice on the outside of her door that MALE CARERS ARE NOT TO ENTER THIS ROOM .( by the way, the male carers are a good bunch of guys, as I know the permanent staff ,but some times BANK staff are employed when the unit are short of staff whom I don't know).
    I've drawn attention to the care staff that the most used word pinned on the wall of the care home is DIGNITY, plus that I would regard male carers, would, in my view, be abusing my wife's basic human rights of DIGNITY.
    Although the management say a female care would be in attendance with a male carer at pad change ,at same time, I still wont allow this as it still causes my wife great distress .
    I would suggest you do the same as me, because your wording would suggest that you could become paranoid due to your mums distress, I'm not a profession person with my suggestion, but someone who recognises your concerns.
    After begin married for 58 years I know my wife, and I know when she afraid and nervous .Hoping this suggestion will afford some peace of mind for you.

  10. CHEZA27

    CHEZA27 Registered User

    Jan 8, 2015
    Thank you for all your suggestions and kind words. I doing feel this is something I could talk to home manager about as we've had several stand up rows and disagreements about the care my mums receiving. I don't think she would take them seriously enough for my liking. I do like the idea of putting up signs, hopefully that may help. I recognise what your saying in that I've know my mum for a lot longer and I know when's she's distressed,upset and when something is defo wrong.

    Everyday is such a struggle :( I hate it xx
  11. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    You absolutely MUST talk to the care hoe manager.
    Your mum could be muttering these things for many reasons

    It might be a carer
    might be another resident
    might be a vistor
    might be in her imagination.

    You absolutely need to discuss with the manager. Putting a camera, covert or otherwise., in her room implies this activity goes on in her room- it may well not.
  12. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    I don't see how you can put up signs (saying what? Female carers only please?) without discussing it with the manager first. That's really requires some sort of explanation and possibly some adjustment to their rotas. I would have thought you risk getting their backs up even more if you just do it without consultation.

    Does she have a personal carer assigned to her? Could you perhaps discuss your concerns with her as your mum might be saying the same things to her too.

    Funnily enough it was a young male carer who persuaded my mum to have a bath after many months in the CH and she was a real prude. I was really quite shocked when they told me but she clearly trusted him, even in her confused state.
  13. namoxo

    namoxo Registered User

    Sep 11, 2014

    Please get involved with matters that don't

    Please don't get involved with matters that you don't seem to understand.
  14. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    I was referring to the original poster's comment, not yours

  15. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Namoxo. The thing is on this Forum posters with a problem want to get as many opinions as possible. They have a problem so they want a resolution. I know when I've had a question I've been grateful for all the responses-even the ones I disregarded! In this case the OP received good and differing advice from several TP members. I hope that Cheza finds some comfort in that she has been listened to.

    Sometimes people respond to Threads and offer advice even if they have no direct experience, but sympathy and common sense does go a long way.Several posters would not be on here very often if all they did was comment on things they have come across before.

    Take care

    Lyn T
  16. CHEZA27

    CHEZA27 Registered User

    Jan 8, 2015
    I do appreciate all comments and suggestions. I have since spoke with the floor manager and he has agreed to have female carers for mum and I haven't put any signs up. It is documented in her care plan, she has a lovely female key worker who understands my concerns and had given me some reassurance.
    I just wanted to know if Other TP members had been through similar things as I think the advice that I receive on here is fantastic. Different things work for different people.
    My intention was never to cause any bad feeling.

  17. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    Well done. It never easy bringing up something like that with management. Do let us know if your mum seems more settled.

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