1. Doodles87

    Doodles87 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2018
    33
    Has anybody seen the 'Restaurant That Makes Mistakes'? It was amazing, and really insightful. Giving a job for those living with dementia improved their symptoms dramatically. My dad struggles with simple jobs like putting a bin bag out front for collection. I am always trying to build his confidence but I'm not sure it's having any effect. Does anyone have any tips or ideas on how I could improve his self esteem please?
     
  2. Abbey82

    Abbey82 Registered User

    Jun 12, 2018
    35
    Hi Doodles, We have a family friend who was on the programme and she said it was one of the best things she has ever done, I really enjoyed watching it but couldn't help feel sad for all involved once it was over.

    In regards to lifting self esteem, my Dad is too far past it now but I used to give him tasks to do like the shopping list, involve him in my work, make lists for me, make him suggest days out and the routes to plan, talk about his past work achievements, always try and tell him he's doing a great job even for something simple. I also used to empty the cupboards or purposely get him to put things back in for me when had been shopping.

    I cant say I used to use the lists, or the plans/routes he wrote down, but I think it made him feel a little better about himself. I used to make up stories that I know would invoke responses about his old work place (he adored his job) so he had some stories to tell.

    Just perhaps food for thought, a little starting place.
     
  3. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,484
    East Sussex
    I have mixed feelings about the programme, but think anything that maybe raises awareness is at least a start. I was so pleased I “punched the air” when the lady finally got the restaurant name right, I was so happy for her. The lady looking for her things, but convinced “they” had moved her locker again bought back memories of mum.

    I tended to be very casual about suggestions for mum to help.

    WouId you mind setting the table? (I could move mats or cutlery, apologising for not telling her we needed two mats in the middle, or swopping cutlery without saying anything.)

    Could you get some glasses out while I find ....

    Can you keep Pooch out of my way while I ....

    All things that I didn’t need her to do, but made her feel like she was needed.
     
  4. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    398
    My Dad is between early and mid stages so can still do quite a lot
    I still get him to hang washing out and wash up pots, sometimes he misses spots so I put them back in for washing without him seeing
    I always say thank you to him that it’s saved me time and he seems to feel needed and wanted and he likes that as long as I get the tone right because one day he thought I was patronising
    It’s something I’m still learning too which tasks are too much etc

    He still likes to garden and be outside so yesterday we took him strawberry picking. It brought back memories of his childhood and I would highly recommend if your mum likes outdoors. He pottered away picking the strawberries and got 2kg in the end. Then he helped sort them when we got back and today we are going to make jam
     
  5. Doodles87

    Doodles87 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2018
    33
    Hi Abbey,

    Many thanks for your reply, to be honest, I'm doing all this already and it doesn't seem to have much effect. My dads communication is very much like the Gynaecologists but he has anxious characteristics of the gentlemen that tried to wander out front a few times. It amazed me with how their quality of life seemed to improve and if there is any glimmer I can make a difference, id love to, I just cant find to seem how.

    x
     
  6. Doodles87

    Doodles87 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2018
    33
    Thank you very much for replying to me. Hmm I have tried these but Dad really struggles taking on simple instructions :(

    Some good ideas there thank you x
     
  7. Doodles87

    Doodles87 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2018
    33
    Hi Rach,

    Aw this is so lovely! Sometimes I ask him to help me in the garden, I trim the hedges and drop all my rubbish on the floor and he collects it hehe. He can't seem to retain any other instructions. He always walks off midway mowing the lawn haha

    xxx
     
  8. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    398
    Yeah I think the issue is trying to give them self esteem from day to day is nigh on impossible. You can give it to them in that moment and later they will have forgot. My Dad has a few good days then called himself an idiot. Then he will say I’m not stupid I don’t have dementia. It’s difficult so I just take it time to time. Knowing he will never fully have self esteem again really :-(
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,271
    Female
    South coast
    Call me cynical, but I find myself wondering whether this is due to "host mode" and selective editing.
     
  10. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    Hi cynical :)
    I tend to agree
     
  11. Doodles87

    Doodles87 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2018
    33
    What's host mode and selective editing?
     
  12. Doodles87

    Doodles87 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2018
    33
    It's nice to know I'm not the only one that feels this way. It can be so hard!
     
  13. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    398
    Yes it is very hard, I had a really bad day with it yesterday. My Dad wouldn’t stop whistling jingle bells. It was driving me insane
     
  14. Mousehill

    Mousehill Registered User

    Nov 28, 2018
    10
    If mum is up to it, we sometimes do a bit of baking together and she's so proud of the results! Before I started school, we used to bake together and it's almost like being back in the old days, except I'm doing most of the work this time and mum is the one pricking the holes in the shortbread, or kneeling the mix, or stamping out shapes :)

    :D Now if we ate them watching Pebble Mill, I could almost believe we were back in the 70s!
     
  15. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,271
    Female
    South coast
    Host mode is a phenomenon that is well known to anyone who cares for someone with dementia. Its when they can sort of pull themselves together and appear almost normal - usually in front of medical staff and relatives who dont visit very often. It takes a lot of effort, though, so they cant maintain it for long and it leaves them more confused and grumpy afterwards.
    Selective editing is where the people who are making a documentary dont show everything, but cut out the bits they dont want viewers to see - it can often be used to make things look somewhat different to the reality
     

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