• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Section for the bereaved

zan

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
96
57
staffordshire
I just wondered if anyone felt it might be a good idea to have a new section on the website for those who have recently lost loved ones with Alzheimers. I know that I feel like still keeping in touch but feel that the feelings I have now are very different to the problems faced by those who are still carers. It might be good for those who are bereaved to talk things through with others in a similar situation. With cancer care the support doesn't end with death but is given to those left behind too. Would any one else feel they would benefit from a section such as this,
Zan
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
I hope I'm many years away from needing it, but I think it's an excellent idea.

Jennifer
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Zan, I think it is a quite lovely idea. I've only been here a matter of months but find I wonder at what has become of some of those whose lives I came to know, albeit briefly, and have had the trauma of posting THAT very personal, painful thread .....

Some (bereaved) obviously find it helpful to stay around .... and something I felt I have wanted to say for some time is how helpful I find it that they do .... because, yes, there is a different perspective .... their ability to see things on reflection instead of amongst the desperate 'fog' ... the wisdom, their experiences and the learning they have to offer.... their strength to continue sharing to help others.... as well as hopefully, to continue to gain their own healing.....

One other thought on this... I feel I have become so dependent on this 'group' for support..... it has crossed my mind that the 'bereavement' (whenever it happens) will actually be double-fold.....

I personally, believe you've identified a 'gap' and hope to see it filled.... my ONLY reservation would be that people 'bereaved' would then not see themselves as 'sidelined' into a specific forum ... rather that they continue to be supported - not just by those who share a 'similar' experience - but also hugely appreciated by mere mortals like me who look to them and appreciate their contributions to any thread ......

Nice one, Zan!

Love, Karen, x
 

JT13

Registered User
Aug 9, 2006
41
Got my vote

Hi,

I agree with you guys. Support is needed during and "after". This is common place with cancer (as you guys have mentioned) and many other situations. It's the recovery process that is quite necessary because not only the Alzheimer's patient is involved in this condition but also the carers themselves, long after Alzheimer's has taken a loved one away.

Thanks and wishing you well.

J
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
I'm in agreement with the idea of continuing to embrace the bereaved - I thought we already did that - but for my own part would prefer not to have a separate section. Just post in the main area as it is all part and parcel of the process we are in.

If there is a separate section I probably wouldn't visit often until the time comes..... :( If posts are in the main area I would read them as a matter of course and knowledge is all part of our preparation.

My own feeling is that TP is at its best when it embraces as much as possible in one place, regardless of gender, religion, stage, relationship, etc

.... just my thoughts
 

Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
Yes.

Lila

zan said:
I just wondered if anyone felt it might be a good idea to have a new section on the website for those who have recently lost loved ones with Alzheimers.


Zan
 

KenC

Registered User
Mar 24, 2006
913
Co Durham
Hi zan,
I think that this is a wonderful idea, We all read about people on Talking Point who are ill and I think it would be a nice way to remember a person.
It would also allow other members to give their respects to the person who is bereaved. We are one big family in more ways than one and I think we all feel genuinely sorry for those who are ill, even when you know you have the same problems yourself.

Best wishes

kenc
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
I think it's a good idea, although I too hope it's a long time before I need it. I can see Bruce's point about being inclusive, but there are times when you don't want to be 'included', you just want to talk to people who have been through it. (I'm speaking from experience, having buried first husband, daughter, Dad and Mum, in that order).

I know I'm not speaking for everyone, but if people want it it should be there. After all, we all react differently.

As for the name, it should be fairly neutral, so that people should be able to express their grief, as well as talk about their loved ones. How about 'Memories'?

Skye
 
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angela.robinson

Registered User
Dec 27, 2004
520
77
I know i would have welcomed this ,16 months ago , i really felt out on a limb , its hard to describe but you dont feel you belong here now , so though i read all the posts even now , i only reply if others havent already posted what i had in mind, if there were a seperate section , we would still look at the main section and reply when needed . my help came in the form of a few PMs which i still value.ANGELA
 

daughter

Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
824
'Early Mourning'.

I have no idea how I am going to feel when the time comes but I can imagine that a different place to post in those circumstances might feel more appropriate, yet still accessible to others. I have not yet experienced someone close to me dying, so I value all the posts from others who are going through, or have gone through, that period of bereavement. I hope that doesn't sound strange ...

For me, it is the same as when I first joined TP and read posts from people who had loved ones in a far more advanced stage than my Dad (was then). It was both scary and helpful at the same time. It helped me to both confront things that were likely to happen, and I was able to look away when I couldn't face them. Thank you everyone.
 
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Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Thank you Angela,
I think you have described very well the feeling of 'not belonging' that people feel.
I know that we always say to people 'please keep posting'and 'we are here for you' - but from what you and others say, this does not seem to be enough.
I am so pleased that despite feeling 'out on a limb', you didn't give up on TP. Thank you.
Love Helen
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
I second what Angela and Amy say. I don't feel unwelcome in TP, but I do feel like I don't quite belong since dad died. I take Brucie's point about making it a separate section, but I'd also wondered about a separate bereaved section.

What about giving it a trial, couple of months say? and if it's not working, or there's new people around again with different ideas it could be changed again ..
 

dianemb

Registered User
Aug 17, 2006
20
count me in

Yes I am really struggling and would love to talk to people who are going through what i am going through although would also be interested in how everyone else is getting on
my Mum passed away jsut over two weeks ago and the pain is unbearable
thanks to all
diane x
 

zan

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
96
57
staffordshire
Thank you Nada, sometimes , although you want to talk to TP members it can actually be difficult reading some of the general posts because they remind you of when your loved one was alive and all the bad things that you went through. Sometimes you feel like sharing any tips you have gained through your own experiences but sometimes you just want to talk to people in a similar situation to yourself now.
 

alex

Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
1,665
Hi

Just wanted to agree with Angela............i must admit, although i really do want to help, i have felt reluctant to post unless it was something i felt related to my situation and although i did not want to lose touch with tp, i no longer felt part of the group............so well done and thank you for creating the new section............feel as though i'm coming home again!:D

Love Alex x
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
I must add that I would like
new section on the website for those who have recently lost loved ones with Alzheimer’s.
I have felt grief in the past so knowing that I can share that in the future it in a section angina, angina whenever I need to in the future when my mother passes away.

I have felt grief in the past and know that I am going to feel it angina in the future so knowing that I can share it with other in a section on this web site would be of great help . I would also read other people post about there grief in my journey of my mother AD

PS How about "memory lane a time to heal "(SP)

(I know that the pain never go you just learn to live with it )
 
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