Saying Goodbye

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Son-In-Law., Oct 13, 2016.

  1. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    306
    My daughter lives in Australia and when she came home in summer we had this chat- to go or not to see her Nana. I said to my daughter I would support either way but was her choice. She choose not to go and many said she would regret it. Me? Im glad she didn't go. Her and her Nana were so so close. but what would going achieve? Her Nana would not have recognised her. She wouldn't have known she was there. I live everyday with the images of what her nana is now and I cry cause I cant see the lady she was. I would hate my daughter to be thousands of miles away and have those images in her head. I want my daughter to close her eyes and see the nana she loved and adored. I want my daughter to have wonderful memories. She didn't have to go to see her Nana to display her love- she has always loved her Nana and not going doesn't change that.
    Its such a tough decision but 1 only your daughter can make. I really hope you and your wife can talk this through and make it up - This evil illness affects us in so many ways and we have to hold on to each other to stop it destroying us as well as the person with the illness. Thinking of you all x
     
  2. DMac

    DMac Registered User

    Jul 18, 2015
    535
    Female
    Surrey, UK
    So true.
     
  3. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,417
    Kent
    My two sisters both live some distance away and probably visit every 4 months or so...I visit every other day and even if I lived a distance away would still visit often however we each make our decision for our circumstancesof and how we feel so I respect that. However I remember reading something a few years ago which really touched me....When I can no longer remember you please do not forget me...
    Dad doesn't know me as a daughter now he was never a tactile sort of person but a good kind dad and yesterday completely out of the blue he greeted me with a lovely smile and a really strong bear hug pushing his face against mine...those are the moments that make the other much more difficult grumpy or non communicative visits so worth it....enjoying the brief good moments and not getting upset a bout the many bad days.
     
  4. Sunbell

    Sunbell Registered User

    Jul 29, 2010
    712
    Yorkshire, England
    So very true Kassy, I was just the same 'when I cannot remember you, never forget me' x
     
  5. Red66

    Red66 Registered User

    Feb 29, 2016
    363
    I think it should be down to your daughter and no one else. If the situation is explained as is and she is fully aware of how her Grandad appears then she should make decision. I personally wouldn't want to be blamed by her or your wife for not seeming him. However if she decides not to see him then your wife needs to respect that. You have had bad experiences with death and people around you growing up but sadly that is a part of life. My Dad died I'm August and he was just over 5 stone, he was only sectioned in November so I completely understand going downhill fast. Let her decide whether she wants to say goodbye or not. It's not for you to decide is it really? I want to protect my children so I do get it. Good luck
     
  6. BIWO

    BIWO Registered User

    Sep 1, 2016
    79
    Bedfordshire
    This takes me back thirty years + when my Nan was at EOL and I was a young woman of 19 at the time. I saw my Nan at the the near end and TBH wished I had not done so as those images remained in my mind (even now). (In those day's they did not use drugs to suppress 'death rattle' I was not supposed to have been there and was there just by co-incidence. My Mum said at the time, that she wished that I had not witnessed it. I would prefer my children to remember my Mum as she was. Of course they can choose, but they struggle to deal with the NH, so I can't see them being keen on a final visit and would totally respect their wishes.
     
  7. Red66

    Red66 Registered User

    Feb 29, 2016
    363
    Everybody is different at end of life but my dad did not require any meds, he did not have a death rattle or have anything that required any help. He passed very peacefully. Watching a loved one die isn't going to be nice but in a weird way I can say I am no longer scared of my own death.
     
  8. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    Just wondering if all is as OK as it can be son-in-law

    Thinking of you and your family xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     

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