Two days ago I had a face to face appointment with a doctor at my surgery ( never seen this doctor before - think she was a locum). A couple of my physical ongoing health issues have been troubling me recently and I think they have been exacerbated by the stress of caring for my OH. When I walked in to the consulting room the doctor asked "What can I do for you?" and was absolutely astonished when I replied "I don`t know". When I outlined how I have been feeling I fully expected to be given a physical examination - at the very least have my BP taken, but no, nothing! I told the doctor that I felt my problems had been heightened due to the stress of coping with OH. So, what did the doctor do? She went online to search for local caring/dementia support and then forwarded 3 links to my mobile phone. Yes, the links should prove useful and for that I am grateful, but I was concerned that my physical health issues may prevent me caring for my OH as I need to and wish to in the immediate future. I left the surgery feeling that the doctor believed she had justified the consultation by sending me the links and had not taken onboard how I have been physically feeling. In fact I felt like I had been labelled a fuss pot and hastened out of the building! End result, I have prescribed for myself - take more "me time" once a day together with a glass of good scotch as necessary!
Saw my doctor, huh!
- Thread starter Anthoula
- Start date
That’s not what you needed or deserved But sadly what we get. Why are carers not seen?
Please do try to get that ’me time’.
Please do try to get that ’me time’.
Sounds very frustrating.
Maybe make another appointment and:
ask for your BP to be taken then & there
ask for an update on monitoring of your own physical health conditions - maybe could need blood tests, at least? If you take medication for your own condition, that should be reviewed.
Maybe make another appointment and:
ask for your BP to be taken then & there
ask for an update on monitoring of your own physical health conditions - maybe could need blood tests, at least? If you take medication for your own condition, that should be reviewed.
I don’t know why we are asked to register as careers when doctors don’t have a clue what level of stress is involved. Sorry you had that experience, it’s not good enough. We tend to only ask for help if we really need it.
I have just been to see my GP today to get results of tests that I had done last week. He went through my tests, discussed my blood pressure problems, his up coming holiday, encouraged me to lose weight, talked about how his American son in law is settling into living in Australia, my exercise regime and probably a few other things.
I am one of the lucky ones.
Sorry to hear of your experience Anthoula - I am arranging a women's healthcheck for myself as I totally agree with you that us carers need to look after our own health - as much if not more than our partners due to the impact of our being ill on them. I am of the age when I am eligible for such a check but you probably are not - think it is probably 60 or 65 though may be younger. It is with a nurse and will be routine checks but sometimes a nurse has more time to listen than a doctor.
I agree with others that you seem to have been unlucky - I think the GP seems to have immediately latched on to your carer role. If you make another appointment I suggest you don't mention that to start but be clear about your symptoms they are your symptoms and probably but not necessarily related to your role.
I also think your remedy for yourself is an excellent one but just as a stopgap. I hope you go back and have a better experience. Good luck
I agree with others that you seem to have been unlucky - I think the GP seems to have immediately latched on to your carer role. If you make another appointment I suggest you don't mention that to start but be clear about your symptoms they are your symptoms and probably but not necessarily related to your role.
I also think your remedy for yourself is an excellent one but just as a stopgap. I hope you go back and have a better experience. Good luck
Thank you Sue. I have been having the annual health review for several years and the nurse I last saw ( who I have known for many years) was going to write a report for the doctor re. my caring role and how, in her opinion, it may impact on my own health issues. However, I certainly take onboard your wise words that next time I should make it abundantly clear that my symptoms may not be due to my caring role.
I visited my doctor a couple of months ago, I just wasn't coping with my OH and his anger and aggression towards me. The doctor suggested I leave him!! When I said that financially that would be difficult she suggested I get a full time job (I do work part time from home but it is becoming increasingly difficult with my husbands confusion and agitation). I have no idea what she thought would happen to my husband . I was shocked and devastated, it seems there is no help or support 
I'm afraid that once you become a recognised carer you are on your own. I became an essential carer for my wife 15 months ago; sadly she has now passed on; although she was in a care home. Once she was settled in the home and the financial side of things had been resolved that was it. The fact that she; like many others; was in a care home does not relieve the stress and pressure that is on the carer. If it were not for the care and attention given me as well as my wife by the care home staff I don't know where I would have been. In that 15 months I never heard once from social services regarding my own health and well being despite them knowing my age and that I had no other support in relation to living standards. I must say that whenever her doctor called into the home to see her he did enquire as to how I was doing. but I'm sure this was not prompted by social services. I think it's a case of Oh! well, she's in care now that's one less for us to worry about. The attention given to carers by social services is disgraceful and certainly needs examining.
How utterly ridiculous ? why on earth didn’t she refer you to a dementia team who may be able to treat his anger and aggression?? Have you had that kind of support?I visited my doctor a couple of months ago, I just wasn't coping with my OH and his anger and aggression towards me. The doctor suggested I leave him!! When I said that financially that would be difficult she suggested I get a full time job (I do work part time from home but it is becoming increasingly difficult with my husbands confusion and agitation). I have no idea what she thought would happen to my husband . I was shocked and devastated, it seems there is no help or support
My husband was so aggressive to me that I was very frightened, I used to find myself thrown out of the house on a regular basis. Eventually I called the crisis team who told me to leave the house and they took over. My husband was admitted to hospital on a section 2 and then section 3 . He spent three months being stabilised on medication. Of course I felt guilty, disloyal etc but it’s the best thing I could have done. He’s home now, sleeping in the chair at present, he’s calm, pleasant usually but certainly not the paranoid, violent person who went into hospital. I know that the area I live in has an outstanding reputation but surely your GP can get someone to care for you both. I do hope you get the help you deserve.
I called our local Crisis team last night as my husband had attacked me twice during the evening. Social Services duty officer had advised me to call the out of hours GP for medication, but that's only available via 111 now and impossible to get through. Crisis team advised me that they don't deal with dementia. Eventually got through on 111 online and an out of hours GP and nurse visited at 8.45 this morning. Diazepam was supplied with the advice to get an urgent GP appointment on Monday morning. On reflection, I should have called 999 straight away.
Please call the police next time. There might have been further attacks during the night. You might not have been alive by 8.45 this morning.
I'm sorry - I don't mean to shock you but situations like this can escalate quickly. Violence is always an emergency, an urgent crisis. It's really not acceptable to say, 'See your GP after the weekend.'
I'm sorry - I don't mean to shock you but situations like this can escalate quickly. Violence is always an emergency, an urgent crisis. It's really not acceptable to say, 'See your GP after the weekend.'
I visited my doctor a couple of months ago, I just wasn't coping with my OH and his anger and aggression towards me. The doctor suggested I leave him!! When I said that financially that would be difficult she suggested I get a full time job (I do work part time from home but it is becoming increasingly difficult with my husbands confusion and agitation). I have no idea what she thought would happen to my husband . I was shocked and devastated, it seems there is no help or support
How awful and ridiculous, unhelpful and frankly dangerous.
Some people have brilliant GP s but you do not.
Mine? Mmm, not so good.
Before my husband's diagnosis which in fact he obstructed, he advised me that in every relationship one person usually does all the work and it's usually the woman.
Mate, I have been married for 39 years and I KNOW this stuff.
So so sorry for you. Please keep safe and ring the police next time.
Some people have brilliant GP s but you do not.
Mine? Mmm, not so good.
Before my husband's diagnosis which in fact he obstructed, he advised me that in every relationship one person usually does all the work and it's usually the woman.
Mate, I have been married for 39 years and I KNOW this stuff.
So so sorry for you. Please keep safe and ring the police next time.
You're absolutely right @Jaded'n'faded and if I'm ever in this situation again that's what I'll do. I think we get so used to being the carer and in the background that our main focus is on the PWD. What will happen to him if I report it, am I over-reacting? The very fact that I'd had to barricade myself in my bedroom should have made me realise that I was in danger. Thankfully, I was able to call my son who was with me within fifteen minutes and was able to stay the night. If I'd not had that safeguard I hope I would have had the sense to phone 999.
The police have the authority to contact the Emergency Psychiatric Team. They will also send a report to Social Services which can get the ball rolling.
The Emergency Psychiatric Team may prescribe medication, or they may possibly section him, but if that happens it can be a good thing as it means he will be assessed properly and get medication properly monitored in a suitable environment
It’s like you get lost twice isn't it? I Was a carer, then my OH went into a home, but I’m still a carer, but no one except the lovely carers in his home, ask how I am. Shocking lack of care for us.
It's disgusting that the carers at the homes are mainly on minimum wage whilst the Social Care workers employed by local councils are on good salaries. They are unable to visit you because of Covid; or so they say; they work from home and yet again the care home workers just get on with it wearing PPE and hoping for the best. If they become infected they must isolate and are forced to stay at home. Something wrong somewhere.
Really difficult to call 999 , I just simply couldn’t do it. I did have a very supportive memory clinic crisis team who turned up within 24 hours of calling them about my husband’s aggression. I know that this service is scarce from reading other people’s posts. He was admitted on a section 2 and then section 3, it did him the world of good. He’s on risperidone now, something that GP’s are reluctant to prescribe. He’s also on aricept and memantine. He’s a different person, calm and not as agitated, definitely not aggressive and the sun downing seems to have gone.
Similar threads
