Reverse Milestones

[Quilty]

I had such a sad visit tonight to see my Mum. She is now no longer able to stand to get into a wheelchair. They are now using a lifting aid as they are worried about hurting her if they do it manually. I cried all the way home.

As a mother you watch all the milestones in your children. First smile, sleeping through the night, crawling, first words, steps, dry nappy. With dementia its all in reverse. I feel like I am now the parent and Mum is becoming a baby again.

Mum danced at the Christmas party and was independent in the care home with her tripod and room key. Now she is incontinent, cant walk, cant stand and has a memory span of 10 minutes. I need to help her hold her cup.

To everyone living and battling every day I send all of my love. The only comfort for me is that so many of you are also living with this and I am not alone. Knowing I can come here and be understood, no matter what, means everything.
Love
Quilty

 

[Hibni]

Sending hugs

 

[little shettie]

I had such a sad visit tonight to see my Mum. She is now no longer able to stand to get into a wheelchair. They are now using a lifting aid as they are worried about hurting her if they do it manually. I cried all the way home.

As a mother you watch all the milestones in your children. First smile, sleeping through the night, crawling, first words, steps, dry nappy. With dementia its all in reverse. I feel like I am now the parent and Mum is becoming a baby again.

Mum danced at the Christmas party and was independent in the care home with her tripod and room key. Now she is incontinent, cant walk, cant stand and has a memory span of 10 minutes. I need to help her hold her cup.

To everyone living and battling every day I send all of my love. The only comfort for me is that so many of you are also living with this and I am not alone. Knowing I can come here and be understood, no matter what, means everything.
Love
Quilty

Ah Quilty, its so sad isn't it to see our loved ones end up like this. You are absolutely right, we do become the parent and they the child. All I can do is send you love and a big hug and tell you you're definitely not alone.xx

 

[fizzie]

I am sending you a big hug too Quilty xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[nannylondon]

Totally emphasise Quilty it's so hard to watch our loved ones deteriorate sending you a big hug xxx

 

[Sue J]

Thinking of you and your poor Mum Quilty
Love
Sue
xxx

 

[stanleypj]

You're right Quilty, it is very, very hard to watch.

 

[CJinUSA]

Hello, Quilty. Yes, it's hard to watch and hard to think about. Since early September, when my mother's Alz had progressed so far that she lost the use of her right side, we have been lifting her onto a commode and back to a chair. We tried a bed, a hospital bed, but she hated it, so we now have her sleep on a recliner and we move her from their to her commode and back, and then to the wheelchair, and we wheel her to her shower (her room here is ensuite).

It is very hard. I sometimes have to remember not to think of her as my mother, because if I remember, always, that this is my mother, it makes me weep, and I don't want her to see me weep. I want to be upbeat for her.

If you can try to think of this lovely woman before you as someone who is working hard to live and be with you and who deserves your love and respect for that reason, it might help you dissociate yourself from your relationship to her and enable you think lovingly on the woman who is now before you, your mother but really some lovely woman struggling to belong in your world but bewilderingly headed for the far beyond.

I'm sorry. I do know your feelings. You are part of a sisterhood here.

 

[Quilty]

Hello, Quilty. Yes, it's hard to watch and hard to think about. Since early September, when my mother's Alz had progressed so far that she lost the use of her right side, we have been lifting her onto a commode and back to a chair. We tried a bed, a hospital bed, but she hated it, so we now have her sleep on a recliner and we move her from their to her commode and back, and then to the wheelchair, and we wheel her to her shower (her room here is ensuite).

It is very hard. I sometimes have to remember not to think of her as my mother, because if I remember, always, that this is my mother, it makes me weep, and I don't want her to see me weep. I want to be upbeat for her.

If you can try to think of this lovely woman before you as someone who is working hard to live and be with you and who deserves your love and respect for that reason, it might help you dissociate yourself from your relationship to her and enable you think lovingly on the woman who is now before you, your mother but really some lovely woman struggling to belong in your world but bewilderingly headed for the far beyond.

I'm sorry. I do know your feelings. You are part of a sisterhood here.

No need to apologise. We all find our way of coping with this, and we all walk together.

 

[Pegsdaughter]

We take our children from dependence to independence to watch the reverse and know that perhaps that is the future for ourselves is very hard. Perhaps like cavemen we were all supposed to die at 40 but medical advances have given us old age.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[tatty]

Funnily my 16 year old and I were reminiscing all the things MiL used to do , as a few years ago she would have altered daughters prom dress and always had those little Easter chics with mini eggs out in bowls, cake making and cardigan knitting (how do you wear 30 cardigans in varying pastel shades!?!) Gardening and giving everyone bedding plants grown from seed, winner of the bible quiz in her church groups on a regular basis.... so glad I happily agreed for her to make my daughter individual christening robes embroided inside with their names and bapstim date and all the baby dresses she made them which they will be able to keep forever... along with the memories of using her legs as a slide a and singing nursery rhymes and playing... allowing mess my own mother 20 years her junior would have apoplexy at... so my girls happlily repeat things as requested turn on the t.v as often as they are asked tell her about 'how they are doing in school' again and again without ever saying...I've already told you , done that etc... if nothing else it makes you appreciate what you've got and definitely what you've had

 

[Quilty]

Its lovely that your children have these lovely memories. My daughter has but son only knows sick nana. Yes we should all cherish what we have. We keep our loved ones memories warm for them.

 

[Quilty]

Only a couple of weeks on and mum is declining at an alarming rate. She is now pouching food, can barely speak and is sleeping all day.

 

[Quilty]

In my heart i know my mum has at best days left. I knew it was coming and am praying for an end to her suffering but im also quietly falling to pieces. Lots of love to all walking this hard road. Its goid to know im not alone.

 

[CeliaW]

Sending you a big supportive hug Quilty xx

 

[Quilty]

Thanks Celia. My heading is spinning from the speed of her decline. Every day brings another drop in her condition.

 

[Quilty]

Im just looking back. In 12 days my mums gone from walking with her tripod to not being able to walk, then not stand, now cant eat, sleeping all day and now cant talk. She has vascular dementia and has had sudden drops before, but nothing like this. I just wish i knew how long she has left. I need to muster all of my strength to go on.

 

[2jays]

Holding your hand tight

Hoping it's just a blip xxxxxx

 

[canary]

We are with you quilty ((hugs))

 

[nannylondon]

Thinking of you Quilty sending you hugs xxxx