respite

Avis

Registered User
Nov 2, 2019
103
I have just left my husband in an Aged Care Facility so that they can attend a pressure ulcer he has and give me a break. He is livid with me and I feel terrible because when he first became ill I promised I would not place him in care. After 7 years of full on physical and mental health care my own health has deteriorated. I feel really guilty and tearful as if I have betrayed him. My head says don't be silly but my heart is breaking.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
473
Morning @Avis, of course you feel guilty that's the way it is, but you have absolutely no reason to feel that way. You have supported you husband for many years to your own detriment (my Mum did the same for my Dad and ended up really poorly). I have to say that sometimes the anger can be through their own fear of the unknown, which is understandable when you have had your own routine and one to one for years. However, there is no thought for your wellbeing as dementia can be extremely selfish. Take the rare opportunity of a break to recharge your batteries, it sounds like you need it. I hope you have some support for you too...stay strong. All the best.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,588
East of England
I have just done exactly the same thing because I was mentally exhausted. I took him on Wednesday and when I visited yesterday the first thing he said was ‘I want to go home now’. I put him to bed for a rest and he fell asleep exhausted exactly as he does at home. He is well looked after and safe and I am going away for the weekend to see my daughter and grandchildren. I was right to do this because if I go down he goes down too and the same must be true for you @Avis so stick to the task and recover a bit. Of course your heart is breaking, our hearts break daily coping with this terrible illness but we who care for them must safeguard our own health.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,333
Bristol
Oh @Avis, it's horrible when guilt stops you from doing what you need to do for your own mental and physical health. I left C at home with care a couple of times last year and spent the whole time away fretting that she would be ok, but she was fine when I got back. I'm sure your husband will be well looked after and you can care for him better after a break.
Enjoy your break, @Grahamstown.
 

Avis

Registered User
Nov 2, 2019
103
Thank you to all the lovely people who responded to my thread. I am so grateful for your support, it really does help to know that others have been through the same things.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,626
I took my own husband for a respite week on Thursday, it is difficult to reconcile our head and our hearts especially when we are so worn and tired.
However I rationalise I do miss him terribly, but I and everyone on here are not able to everything to everyone 24/7. Try and make the best of this break.