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Respite or not?

nov14

Registered User
May 27, 2014
20
Goostrey, Cheshire
Hi, advice please. My Mum has Alzheimers and lives with me. It's just the two of us and has been since my Dad died in 2008.

We have a weeks holiday booked in September to Scotland an area we go to every year. My doctor and the memory clinic want me to put Mum in respite for the week and go on my own. I'm very tempted because I can't remember the last time I had a good nights sleep or any me time apart from when I'm at work! But Mum knows about the holiday and has told people at her daycare about it.

What should I do?

I'm so tired and she is such hard work now.


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Anniebell

Registered User
Jan 31, 2015
115
Hi, advice please. My Mum has Alzheimers and lives with me. It's just the two of us and has been since my Dad died in 2008.

We have a weeks holiday booked in September to Scotland an area we go to every year. My doctor and the memory clinic want me to put Mum in respite for the week and go on my own. I'm very tempted because I can't remember the last time I had a good nights sleep or any me time apart from when I'm at work! But Mum knows about the holiday and has told people at her daycare about it.

What should I do?

I'm so tired and she is such hard work now.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Hi i would say go on your holiday and put your dear Mum in respite my mums in a NH but last year we put mum in respite for a week mum was fine cared for and safe we had a lovely holiday we didn't have to worry about mum we came back batteries charged
You havn't said how your Mum is memory wise but would she know if you took her out for the day instead of a week? tell her you have to work and cant make the weeks holiday from the sound of it you need a break and we are all forgiven these little love lies i know its hard and you will feel guilty but as well as looking after your mum you must look after yourself i'm sure others will be on here telling you the same let us know what you decide to do i really hope you go away Take Care
Love Annie x
 

balloo

Registered User
Sep 21, 2013
227
northamptonshire
Hi, advice please. My Mum has Alzheimers and lives with me. It's just the two of us and has been since my Dad died in 2008.

We have a weeks holiday booked in September to Scotland an area we go to every year. My doctor and the memory clinic want me to put Mum in respite for the week and go on my own. I'm very tempted because I can't remember the last time I had a good nights sleep or any me time apart from when I'm at work! But Mum knows about the holiday and has told people at her daycare about it.

What should I do?

I'm so tired and she is such hard work now.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
don't know about round your area but round mine it is minimum of 2 weeks and it costs £2000 which I think is discusting .
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
It depends on your mum's circumstances as to whether she would have to pay for respite or not. You would have to discuss this with her social worker, who should be able to advise you.

Whenever my mam goes into respite, it is funded by our local authority as she is below the financial threshhold for having to pay anything. I think dad pays something for her meals (not quite sure why :confused:) but otherwise it's free to her.

Don't despair!
 

Anniebell

Registered User
Jan 31, 2015
115
Oh no, if it costs anything like that then there's no chance.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Hi same as collegegirl my mum is funded by LA as she is below the threshold and the last time she went in for respite we paid £161 pounds for the week and they paid the rest You need to get in touch with your social worker when my mum had her assessment we got 4 weeks respite a year its worth looking into let us know how you get on
Take Care
Annie x
 

nov14

Registered User
May 27, 2014
20
Goostrey, Cheshire
Had a meeting with the Social Worker today who is going back to the office to see how much respite we can get and how much it will cost. They were estimating about £175 a week but thought this would come down more.


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janetlynn

Registered User
Jul 22, 2012
107
England
Hi,

As others have said, you need to take care of yourself. Not just for your sake, but for your Mum`s sake as well. You need to be healthy in order to cope with her needs. I would urge you to take this holiday on your own, or maybe with a friend? It will do you the world of good and recharge your batteries.

I used to tell my Mum when I was dropping her off for a week`s respite that she was going on holiday, and that she would meet some nice people and that she would be looked after. I felt guilty but I could not have carried on without respite. Please ask for a rota, maybe one week in eight, then you have something to look forward to, and can plan to go out. If social services are reluctant and mention their budget, can I advise that you say you will carry on looking after your Mum as long as you can, but without respite you don`t think you can, and that she may have to go into care full time. This may cause them to rethink their budget!

Take care of yourself,
Janet.
 
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