Respite for active Alzheimer’s sufferer

[Nikdeep]

Hi this is my first thread here.
My mum , who has Alzheimer’s, is 75 and recently widowed.
I found out yesterday she had managed to book a holiday for herself over the phone, which sounds great only she must have convinced the person on the other end of the line that she was more capable than she is. I had to cancel it with a very heavy heart as it was totally unsuitable. She is in the worst state of dementia, knowing she has it but not able to make considered decisions for herself anymore. I handle all her finance , care etc.
She really wants and needs a break and it would be lovely if I could find somewhere she can stay near the sea ( Weston super mare preferable as there are relatives who could visit her).
I have realised that the best option is respite in a care home setting but I really don’t want her to feel she is being nursed, rather, actually having a ‘holiday’. She is an intelligent and fun loving lady desperately trying to be independent.
Are recommendations allowed on here? Are there any places that forum readers know of who could offer her that experience?
Would be so grateful for any ideas or advice.

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to TP, Nikdeep. It's good that your mum is still trying to be independent, however hard that can make your life sometimes. Others will be along with their own experiences, but I found these links n the Alz Soc website and hope some of it may help.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/staying-independent/holidays-travelling-other-resources
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/search?keywords=holidays&Search=🔍

 

[Izzy]

Good morning and welcome to TP.

In the past people have recommended these companies. I’m not sure if someone with dementia could go by themselves though.

https://dementiaadventure.co.uk/what-we-do/our-holidays/

http://revitalise.org.uk/break-theme/alzheimers-breaks/

https://www.amys-care.co.uk/holidays/

https://m.disabledholidays.com/#!/about/dementia-supported-holidays.html

 

[Nikdeep]

Hi Izzy
Yes I have looked at these companies and they look good if a companion is present but she will be alone. Revitalise was the one she booked for herself but she didn’t think about the getting there/ suitability of dates etc etc!!
It has made me feel so guilty having to cancel it but reading other people’s experiences gives me some some confidence that im doing the best for her.
Appreciative of your help.

 

[Spamar]

I’m sorry, I really don’t think a holiday alone is suitable for a person with dementia. If none of the family can go, how about a carer?
I took my husband on such a holiday, but he certainly wouldn’t have managed alone.

 

[Izzy]

I have to say I agree with @Spamar. I do think that there has to be a companion. I took my husband on holiday until very near the end of his days. It started off bring reasonably easy but became more and more difficult. Even at the beginning he could never have done a holiday alone. The last holidays we had abroad I took a carer with me and even then things weren’t easy.

 

[Beate]

OH and I have both holidayed with Dementia Adventure and Vitalise. None of them though accept dementia patients on their own, and Vitalise only has three dedicated Alzheimer's weeks a year so I'm guessing your Mum managed to book herself on a different random week which is not geared towards dementia anyway.

Holidays just for dementia patients without a companion are a disaster waiting to happen - a person who has lost mental capacity cannot be let loose on their own, no matter how fun-loving and active they are. Could someone from your family accompany her?

 

[Nikdeep]

Thank you for your opinions and help.

 

[Nikdeep]

... and no sadly no one else can accompany her which is why I am looking towards respite care ( I just want her to feel like she’s on holiday).
Any other recommendations welcome.

 

[eitp1983]

Hi.
I am new to this, I have been raising money for the last 9 years for the society having found out my father in law was diagnosed.
He is in a dark place now where he is refusing to go home to my mother in law. She has given up the ghost with him when he needs her to support him the most. She is short with him and has been throughout the marriage. However now his filter has gone and he just won’t accept the way she speaks to him. She makes out he is always in the wrong but the reality is he has held his tongue for years and he seems to remember almost in a cycle daily. He is staying between relatives and threatening to take his life several times a day if he is made to go home.
Every time he goes home to his wife, something tweaks in him and he walks off, gets lost and is found cold and hungry eventually. He climbed out the window the other day to escape. He can hardly speak words, and struggles to string 2 words together so gets frustrated by this.
We are in a real predicament with jobs and young kids too between us.
We need to organise restbite care to cover. We really need some advice off anyone who has been in a similar position.