Respite care
- Thread starter Chunky
- Start date
Sorry Chunky. Perhaps a little more info would help get advice. A lot depends on the person involved. Maybe saying that you have to go or do something for a few days might help.
Aisling
Sorry to be so late in responding to your post, hope you're still monitoring it. I'm guessing a bit here about your position but if this is not relevant to you it might help someone in the future.
I don't have experience of respite care, yet. My wife now goes to daycare but the reluctance to start was mine rather than hers. While looking for a (non-dementia) old folks home for my father-in-law we visited some places that would have been closed down if they'd been a cats home - and they smelled as if they were. Although I am assured that such places are now rare the memories stayed with me.
The first stage of my acceptance of dementia care was attending some sessions run by our memory clinic for 4 weeks at 2 hours a week. After a warm-up we carers went into one room for some "lessons" while the partners played games as a group led by some very enthusiastic leaders. The lessons were quite sanitised, staying positive and not mentioning future problems, but the main thing was meeting other people and seeing how much my wife enjoyed it.
Since then we've been attending a Dementia Cafe. It's once a month in the cafe of a local garden centre. It's absolutely informal, we just push a few tables together and people come and go as they please, and there's always the opportunity of going off the look at the plants then coming back again. This is where we meet more people and hear about their real lives and experiences with respite etc.
The last stage was to find a daycare centre where I would be happy to go myself. My wife is in her early 60's but is completely lost if there isn't someone with her telling her what to do. We chose somewhere that has "Experience Days" rather than daycare and has a very positive attitude. After her first session I asked my wife how many people were in her group, of course she couldn't remember. I then asked her how many staff there were with her group. This time she was positive, "None" she said. On further questioning she admitted there were some younger people in the group but "they were just with us". It seems the staff had managed to fit in so well they were unnoticeable while at the same time organising and helping. Many people say this daycare centre is too expensive, it is not available through social services. If you are self-funded it might be worth paying that bit extra and finding somewhere to break the ice for your partner. If you are going through social services then visit a number of centres and fight for the one you'd be happiest to stay in yourself.
End of ramble, hope you sort out the respite care - it's important for both of you.
I don't have experience of respite care, yet. My wife now goes to daycare but the reluctance to start was mine rather than hers. While looking for a (non-dementia) old folks home for my father-in-law we visited some places that would have been closed down if they'd been a cats home - and they smelled as if they were. Although I am assured that such places are now rare the memories stayed with me.
The first stage of my acceptance of dementia care was attending some sessions run by our memory clinic for 4 weeks at 2 hours a week. After a warm-up we carers went into one room for some "lessons" while the partners played games as a group led by some very enthusiastic leaders. The lessons were quite sanitised, staying positive and not mentioning future problems, but the main thing was meeting other people and seeing how much my wife enjoyed it.
Since then we've been attending a Dementia Cafe. It's once a month in the cafe of a local garden centre. It's absolutely informal, we just push a few tables together and people come and go as they please, and there's always the opportunity of going off the look at the plants then coming back again. This is where we meet more people and hear about their real lives and experiences with respite etc.
The last stage was to find a daycare centre where I would be happy to go myself. My wife is in her early 60's but is completely lost if there isn't someone with her telling her what to do. We chose somewhere that has "Experience Days" rather than daycare and has a very positive attitude. After her first session I asked my wife how many people were in her group, of course she couldn't remember. I then asked her how many staff there were with her group. This time she was positive, "None" she said. On further questioning she admitted there were some younger people in the group but "they were just with us". It seems the staff had managed to fit in so well they were unnoticeable while at the same time organising and helping. Many people say this daycare centre is too expensive, it is not available through social services. If you are self-funded it might be worth paying that bit extra and finding somewhere to break the ice for your partner. If you are going through social services then visit a number of centres and fight for the one you'd be happiest to stay in yourself.
End of ramble, hope you sort out the respite care - it's important for both of you.
Hi and welcome to Talking Point. 
When I got respite for my late husband, it was because I needed a much-postponed operation, and I told him he was going to a nice hotel, whilst I was recovering.
Perhaps you could invent something that would require an overnight stay in hospital, such as "women's problems", which wouldn't cause alarm, and use that as a reason for hubby to be cared for, for a couple of days?
You don't have to specify how long. Hope this helps. xxx
When I got respite for my late husband, it was because I needed a much-postponed operation, and I told him he was going to a nice hotel, whilst I was recovering.Perhaps you could invent something that would require an overnight stay in hospital, such as "women's problems", which wouldn't cause alarm, and use that as a reason for hubby to be cared for, for a couple of days?
You don't have to specify how long. Hope this helps. xxx
