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Resentment........

byrnedjp

Registered User
Mar 21, 2013
168
London
just starting to rear its ugly head
3 years in and another "feeling" to add to the mix

Anyone dealing with resentment in a positive way - if that's at all possible
 

Kjn

Registered User
Jul 27, 2013
5,835
Not sure what feelings I'm dealing with but il send you a hug either way ((()))):)
 

Katrine

Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
2,839
England
Dealing with resentment in a positive way - if that's at all possible

No, IMO it isn't! Resentment, when it concerns disability and illness, is a feeling that we've been cheated out of something we should have, or were expecting to have. It's not untrue either. Things have not turned out as expected and there is no clear path or end in view. There's a long journey into the unknown, with little or no preparation before we set out. :(

Staying positive, or finding a way to feel more positive, can only come when you allow yourself to say "It isn't fair, I didn't ask for this, I deserve to be in control of my life". That's not whingeing, it's acknowledging that you matter. If you are honest about your own feelings you can slowly start to ask "Now what? If there's no going back to what was, or what might have been, how can I accept a different plan for my life than the one I thought I was going to get?"

There's no avoiding the fact that uncertainty is stressful. TP is a safety valve for many people. Resentment and disappointment is often expressed by posters as 'having a rant', or 'feeling sad today', or 'feeling so alone'. Whatever you need to post about how you are feeling, someone will answer you and remind you that it's OK to have those feelings, and that you are not alone.
 
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Primrosevilla

Registered User
Mar 16, 2015
6
78
Greater london/Essex
Katrine, I too agree with you. I deal with each day and each new challenge as it comes, at least now I do, it wasn't always like that. So Byrnedjp you are not alone (((hugs))).
 

byrnedjp

Registered User
Mar 21, 2013
168
London
Thanks all...........

I realise all of these feelings come in stages - ive lost count of the times ive sat down and thought heres another one to add to the mix..

Need very broad shoulders to carry this weight
 

sleepingplum

Registered User
Mar 1, 2015
46
I am so glad you posted about resentment in my head I look at all the positives and think each morning I get him up I wont feel like this but ashamedly I cant help the wave that rushes over me that my child doesn't deserve to have to live with this. especially when my FIL is oblivious to everything. I do feel angry at this illness and everything normal it takes away I wish you well and hope you find a way and if you do I will be here eagerly waiting to hear from you :)
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,162
I was given a stiff talking to by three of those close to me not very long ago. They helped me to see that while my resentment was understandable it was also corrosive only to myself. My father, who has caused all this, is completely unaffected by it. I therefore made the decision that when I am feeling angry and resentful, I step away - and without feeling guilty about it. So I would advise you to think about building in more help/respite/day care - anything - so that you feel you continue as an individual whose own wishes and dreams are of equal importance to anyone else's.
 

Flake

Registered User
Mar 9, 2015
222
I try to take out my resentment on 'Dementia'. I talk at it, swear at it and am sometimes nice to it, hoping that it will be nice back. Sometimes I then get a good day with my Mum and Im thankful. I then try to plan how it will not beat me. I know it has its grip on my Mum but she is oblivious and generally happy most days. I know the progression will get worse but at the moment this works for me. I have just read this back and I think I may be going slightly doolally :eek:
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,998
Bristol
I try to take out my resentment on 'Dementia'. I talk at it, swear at it and am sometimes nice to it, hoping that it will be nice back. Sometimes I then get a good day with my Mum and Im thankful. I then try to plan how it will not beat me. I know it has its grip on my Mum but she is oblivious and generally happy most days. I know the progression will get worse but at the moment this works for me. I have just read this back and I think I may be going slightly doolally :eek:
Since OH developed this dementia it has driven me doolally, Flake. Maybe swearing at quietly is not such a bad idea. :)
 
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