Hi Ironmaiden
First of all, congratulations on enlisting & getting the support of your MP and getting your Dad's funding! And well done to him or her for supporting you!
It's probably not much comfort to you (sorry!) but I shall add myself to the list of your TP friends who have replied that it's the same for them, we get the constantly repeated questions as well! "What day is it, what time is it, are there any birthdays we have to send cards for this week, do I have to go anywhere today, is the cat in/out ..." (she is still in her own house).
All perfectly normal questions taken individually, but 50 to 100 times a day ...
enough to drive you round the bend
SO FAR, I thank my lucky stars that they haven't been accusations of stealing, but those sort of questions must be devastating for a carer struggling to do their very best - Yes, you KNOW that it's the disease making them say such things, but I'm sure that doesn't stop it hurting.
I think for family members who have had to organise nursing home care for their loved one, the guilt-monster adds pain to the frustration of being asked questions like "Have you come to take me home?" and "What am I doing here?", "Why did you bring me here?", and so on.
You KNOW that what you have arranged is the best that you can do, and that if they
were at home they would be in danger of falling over, scalding or electrocuting themselves, wandering off & getting lost or into an accident. And
even if they are still living in their own homes (with help), people with advanced stage AD still say "I want to go home", perhaps because they are now thinking of 'home' as their childhood home, where they always felt safe & in control of themselves, not the most recent family one.
See recent thread on the subject by clicking on this link,
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/discuss/showpost.php?p=37467&postcount=1
Even though you KNOW all that in your head, the guilt-monster still takes a free ride on your shoulders at every opportunity -
because you love them, and hate to see them in such distress & such a sad situation compared with the person they used to be.
Have you asked the nursing staff if he asks them the same question? It may be that seeing you or your sister jogs what is left of his memory, & makes him think of 'home' while you are visiting, but the rest of the time he accepts where he is, & the care he is getting, without such distress. Whilst that won't stop his asking you (sorry!), you may be able to deny the guilt monster his fun if you know he is calmer & more settled for most of the day.
I'm going to quote a couple of signature tag-lines from Talking Point contributors which really struck a chord with me when I first saw them, and helped me change my attitude for the better:-
"Since I gave up hope I've felt so much better ..."
It sounds down-beat at first, but it makes SO much sense. No miracle is going to happen, so just deal with the reality as best you can.
"If there's something you cannot change, then change the way you think about it...... "
Don't keep beating your head against a brick wall if you can get around it some other way by using your brain instead of being blinded by your emotions.
Finally (and sorry for the long post) don't feel you can't come back again with the same question, grumble, frustration, tears or whatever you need to share. That's what Talking Point is here for, thanks be!! We're all in the same boat, it's only the depth and shade of the
**** which varies.
Best wishes