1. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    my dad is still in hospital has been in there 7 months it has been a real struggle toget him into a home but we have now got his funding with the help of our mp but we are still waiting for a bed to come availble in the home of our choice i am wondering if anyone elts have got the problem me and my sister have with my dads questions every day we visit him for 2 hours each at diffrent times of the day my dads short term memory is really bad as soon as he sees me he says where am i whote am i doing here i tell him why he is there that he has had a stroke and he is in hospital then after a minute he will ask the same question again and when i tell him he will ask again after a minute on sunday i counted how meny times he asked me and in 50 minutes he asked me 42 times its driving me mad and you have to answer him because he gets upset if you dont have anyone elts had this problem and how long does this questions thing last for any help would be veary helpfull
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,658
    Kent
    Hi ironmaden

    I really do understand how much it takes out of you when you have to keep answering the same questions over and over again.

    I have this with my husband 24/7 . All day long he wants to know what we`re having for lunch, what we`re having for dinner, what we will be doing tomorrow. He asks the dates of our grandchildren`s birthdays and what presents we will give. If he sees appointments on the calendar he never goes to look at the dates to check for himself, he keeps asking, when will he go for Chiropody, to have his eyes tested, to see the GP. This is constant and I just seem to put myself on automatic pilot. Sometimes I don`t even know what I`m answering.

    All I can say is, at this stage, I would rather be answering the questions than asking them.

    Keep your chin up.
    Grannie G
     
  3. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Hi ironmaiden
    The questions are constant, very rarely do they vary, and yes, it drives you mad....All I can say is take a deep breath and carry on answering them, I sometimes think the constant questioning is a form of reassurance for our loved ones when the short term memory is being lost and I can't contemplate how it must feel from the 'inside' of a dementia patient's mind:(
    Take care
     
  4. Maggie

    Maggie Registered User

    #4 Maggie, Jul 10, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2006
    How long does it go on you ask you may as well ask how long is a peace of string as there is no peace , yes it must be horrible for them and stress full for us , I know they can’t help it as they just plan forget ,but they never forget to ask the question , reading what Grannie G husband says word for word is just what ny mother ask me .

    All we can do is have
    Compassion understanding in what happening to the brain & have a good old moan about it on hear





    I want to by a calendar like I see at the care home and day centre with big writing in what day date mouth year it is & stick it up on the wall next to mum ,so the night before I change it and when mum wake up she know what date it is , but don't know where to get one ?
     
  5. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    I get this 24/7 and yes it can drives you nuts.. My mum's always asking "where's my mother?", "When are we going home?" ... I must get asked these questions hundreds of times everyday, all you can do is try and get them to talk about something else. It might only stop the same old questions being asked for 5 mins but those 5 mins can be just the break that you need.

    Paul
     
  6. pammy14

    pammy14 Registered User

    Dec 5, 2005
    103
    leicestershire
    Hi Maggie

    We have a clock from social services that says the time , month, day ,date and pm or am. Its very useful although my sister looks at and still asks the day as if she doesn't really believe the clock!
     
  7. Maggie

    Maggie Registered User

    pammy

    We our in a no win situation, I suppose it I got the calendar that I want, mum would say to me did you remember to change the date?

    You just got to laugh or your cry

    Did you find a care home for your sister ?
     
  8. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    hi
    ditto to everything...
    I get"when are we going home"
    "Are we going out"(this week mum asks me this within 5 minutes of getting home from our daily "trip out").......so this week I have a new one....:-
    "can't we go out again":eek:
    "Shall we have tea?"....5 mins after eating....
    "where are the pussycats"
    "where are my brothers"(all dead)
    "where is Andrew"(in London)
    "where is Ted"(dead)....
    All incredibly draining but as Grannie G says......I answer automatically and not always the same answer.......
    Wendy
     
  9. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi Ironmaiden

    Oh how I dread those long periods of repeated questions - there is nothing I can do but repeat the answers and fear the day when my patience finally snaps.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  10. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    #10 Lynne, Jul 12, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2006
    Hi Ironmaiden

    First of all, congratulations on enlisting & getting the support of your MP and getting your Dad's funding! And well done to him or her for supporting you!

    It's probably not much comfort to you (sorry!) but I shall add myself to the list of your TP friends who have replied that it's the same for them, we get the constantly repeated questions as well! "What day is it, what time is it, are there any birthdays we have to send cards for this week, do I have to go anywhere today, is the cat in/out ..." (she is still in her own house).
    All perfectly normal questions taken individually, but 50 to 100 times a day ...:( enough to drive you round the bend :mad: :( :mad:

    SO FAR, I thank my lucky stars that they haven't been accusations of stealing, but those sort of questions must be devastating for a carer struggling to do their very best - Yes, you KNOW that it's the disease making them say such things, but I'm sure that doesn't stop it hurting.

    I think for family members who have had to organise nursing home care for their loved one, the guilt-monster adds pain to the frustration of being asked questions like "Have you come to take me home?" and "What am I doing here?", "Why did you bring me here?", and so on.
    You KNOW that what you have arranged is the best that you can do, and that if they were at home they would be in danger of falling over, scalding or electrocuting themselves, wandering off & getting lost or into an accident. And even if they are still living in their own homes (with help), people with advanced stage AD still say "I want to go home", perhaps because they are now thinking of 'home' as their childhood home, where they always felt safe & in control of themselves, not the most recent family one.
    See recent thread on the subject by clicking on this link, http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/discuss/showpost.php?p=37467&postcount=1

    Even though you KNOW all that in your head, the guilt-monster still takes a free ride on your shoulders at every opportunity -
    because you love them, and hate to see them in such distress & such a sad situation compared with the person they used to be.
    Have you asked the nursing staff if he asks them the same question? It may be that seeing you or your sister jogs what is left of his memory, & makes him think of 'home' while you are visiting, but the rest of the time he accepts where he is, & the care he is getting, without such distress. Whilst that won't stop his asking you (sorry!), you may be able to deny the guilt monster his fun if you know he is calmer & more settled for most of the day.

    I'm going to quote a couple of signature tag-lines from Talking Point contributors which really struck a chord with me when I first saw them, and helped me change my attitude for the better:-

    It sounds down-beat at first, but it makes SO much sense. No miracle is going to happen, so just deal with the reality as best you can.


    Don't keep beating your head against a brick wall if you can get around it some other way by using your brain instead of being blinded by your emotions.


    Finally (and sorry for the long post) don't feel you can't come back again with the same question, grumble, frustration, tears or whatever you need to share. That's what Talking Point is here for, thanks be!! We're all in the same boat, it's only the depth and shade of the Sh*t which varies.

    Best wishes
     
  11. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    183
    North West England
    Questions ... Questions.... Questions....

    I get questions all day long, but bed / night time seem to be reeeeaaallllly BAAADDD... and have been for months on end....


    In bed....


    "What day was today?"

    "What day is it tomorrow?"

    "What time is it?"

    "What are we doing tomorrow?"

    "Have I taken my medication?"
    "Am I sure?"


    "Where is his tablet diary?"
    "Who's signiture is that?"
    "Thats's not mine.. is it yours?"
    "Why have you signed my diary?"


    "Have I had my tea?"
    "Don't remember eating.. what was it?"
    "Wasn't that what we had yesterday?"
    "Am I sure?"


    "What month are we in?"
    "What day did you say it was?"
    "What date did you say it was?"
    "And the year is...?"



    "Is Cath (carer) coming tomorrow?"
    "What time is she coming?"
    "What do you call her little boy?"


    "Is the heating on?" ... no it's Summer



    "Just one more question?".......

    "What's that noise?"
    "Can you hear that?"


    I could go on ... but I won't :D


    DaisyG
     
  12. Bets

    Bets Registered User

    Aug 11, 2005
    100
    South-East London, UK
    Yes, oh yes! Whenever I enter or leave the room, or even get up for something, my husband asks "Can I do anything?" Very often he still has his eyes glued to the TV or paper, but woe betide if I don't respond! When we are out, the constant question changes to "Have we got everything?" As soon as we sit down for our evening meal, he will ask "Tomorrow?" (Several of his most repeated questions have been refined down to just one or two words - we both know what he means.)

    I appreciate that these constant questions probably relate to his underlying anxiety but it's hard when it's been going on for years.

    Bets
     

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