Reluctance to except help

Clippy69

New member
Dec 6, 2023
2
0
Hello my husband of over 50 years was diagnosed with Parkinsons and then Alzheimers over 10 years ago. There have been many different diagnosis along the way but it is the dementia which is now really taking hold. He is a very proud man and excepting help does not come naturally to him!! I am really struggling to get him to clean his teeth and if he does it is a very poor effort. He does not like me helping him to dress and undress but will let carers help him. I struggle to get him to bed at night when I am very tired. He got very upset a few days ago when he told me he is losing control. THis is such a cruel illness, His spelling is still great and he can play Scrabble with some help and read but his spatial awareness is extremely poor. He does not always recognise his own home. Any tips?
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,600
0
Newcastle
Hi @Clippy69 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and supportive community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your husband. Personal care and hygiene are very emotive issues and reluctance or refusal to accept help is common. It is good to hear that you have the help of carers but it seems that you may need other options for support.

As he is still able to play games etc. I wondered about a carer/befriender who might visit once or twice a week. They could keep him occupied, giving you time to yourself. Other options might be some kind of man's club or a day centre where he can meet with others outside of your domestic environment.

For you, getting some much-needed time to yourself seems paramount. Have you considered the possibility of respite stays for your husband?

Of course, for these ideas to work may need agreement from your husband, sufficient finances and suitable resources in your area.

These are my thoughts to be going on with. Other members may have more and better ideas.
 
Last edited:

Clippy69

New member
Dec 6, 2023
2
0
Thank you. Actually he does go to a day center once a week and is happy to do so. although he sometimes refuses to join in. . We have carers 3 mornings but the times they arrive are quite variable which can be frustrating. He had a weeks respite earlier in the year which was a bit of a disaster. He likes to be independent - so they just left him to his own devices for 2 weeks. We have a lady from ASA who comes on a Thursday afternoon and she is great. We have reached the limit now of what we can afford as we pay for everything. Pre covid the day center was free and they did so much. Now that does not exsist and he goes to a care home. We live in a rural community so it means a lot of driving there and back twice. Family all live a long way away so it can be a lonely existence. Main problem is the confusion early and late on.
 

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