Relentless 'Tidying'

[Floweryfoo]

Lily, 96 with mid stage dementia, has developed an obsession with tidying clothes. She takes them all out of the cupboard, begins to sort them (in no useful order, of course, bless her!), puts half back, leaves the 'sorted' half blocking the dining table or the washing machine top, or all around the bathroom so there is no space... then the next day begins the whole sorry process again, losing things in the process, with no memory of the day before. It is just relentless! We patiently put them back as we can, but see no end in sight.

On the one hand, it's her stuff and it's not hurting anyone, as such. The SW, who is useless, seems to think it's just a normal cleaning and has said we must allow it and cannot lock the cupboard. It isn't normal spring cleaning though. There is no rhyme or reason to her sorting - it's a dogged compulsion like when little kids draw over and over, all the lines going over other lines with that intent look on their face... it's absorbing but pointless. I do think it's an engrained memory in her, like a reflex, that lighter days means spring cleaning and putting away winter clothes and, dimly, she is trying to do that.... sad to see.

The other side is that it causes a lot of disruption to the carers and us, as we are forever moving clothes and tissues (sick of effing tissues!) and each time we face a wave of hostility about repressing her and stopping her having control of her own apartment and that we are 'haridans' for asking her what she is sorting for and why and how we can help, and gently suggesting different tasks like sorting scarves into colours, etc.

Can anyone help us to think of a way to break this loop, or divert this energy?

 

[marionq]

It is a phase, a stage, an obsession whatever you want to call it. My husband did this at an early stage but has moved on helped by Trazadone anti depressant. He has never been depressed but this kind of agitated behaviour is helped by anti depressants.

It is very annoying. John used to empty every drawer and cupboard including the medicine cabinet. There have been many other phases since!

 

[Fullticket]

Tidying

Tissues: what is it about tissues? They are taken out of the packet, folded and then flattened out, and folded and flattened out, and folded and flattened out. I wouldn't mind so much if she ever used them, but she wipes her nose on her hankie. Still, they do come in handy under the kindling to light the fire - just off to do a sweep of the house to collect today's batch.
SWs and carers have said that tissues are a common 'fiddle' thing so I can sort of understand it. Maybe one of those fiddle muffs might help keep her hands busy?
xx

 

[Batsue]

My mum has had the tidying obsession for a while now but as she does it in her bedroom I leave her to it, her latest and most annoying one is smoothing the carpet with one foot to get the pile to lay one way as it is a plain carpet and shows where people have walked, it's OK in her room but in front of the TV is where I draw the line and shoo her away, it invariably causes her to have a strop but I find it is best to ignore that.

 

[Tin]

My mum has been tidying around my home for 3 years now. She has been into every room, wardrobe and drawer, would often find lots of kitchen stuff in the bathroom and vice versa. On top of all of this she was moving furniture around although this has slowed down a little, but there are some things she cannot leave alone and I cannot distract or stop her, its what she does now, its her life.

 

[CarerForMum]

Tidying and more tidying (to her). The sorting out afterwards, the kitchen every cupboard emptied including fridge and freezer. Bedroom, all drawers etc... Furniture in the bedroom all moved again and again. Fridge in the kitchen moves from one end to the other the list is endless.

It's settled down slightly, I give her things to organise pens/pencils and she puts them into colour order, wraps them in an elastic band. Decks of cards she likes to sort them into the suits and numbers and carefully puts them back in the pack, this goes on for about an hour.

An idea, sorting socks out - putting them into pairs, gloves matching them up etc... Sorry only thing I can think of.

 

[Floweryfoo]

Thank you so much to everyone. It's really helping us to get to grips with the fact that this may just be a standard dementia behaviour, as far as there is any such thing, and there is little we can do except let it roll on. The idea of socks and cards is a good one. We'll look at a range of little things that are 'fun' to sort (tidying socks isn't my idea of a good time but whatever floats her boat!) I also thought about old photographs, as these may also be interesting to look at ... although I worry it could distress her if she isn't really sure who they are.

And as to why tissues feature so strongly, who knows! What is about them that is so seemingly attractive to dementia patients? A mystery of life.

 

[Lydiajane]

Hadn't realised the tissues or the tidying were symptoms of dementia, but it explains a lot. My Gran always has tissues (or, more commonly, bits of kitchen roll!) in her bag or up her sleeve and she sheds them everywhere she goes.
She is also obsessed with tidying, although she is and always has been, an incredibly untidy person.
Her current obsession is the garage. Constantly worrying about clearing it out. She has a fridge freezer out there which doesn't really get used much anymore, but she became obsessed with defrosting it and turned it off without telling anyone. First we knew was when the cleaner noticed the putrid smell of rotting food! Needless to say she denied doing it and blamed her carer! Law unto themselves sometimes. It is very stressful.

 

[Rosnpton]

When at home.mumwent from one extreme to another. Either leaving stuff all over the p,ace,or everything away although not in the correct ps,cd. One memorable day was when I popped in with some shopping to find she had emptied the freezer of around 20'ready meals we had ordered for her and dad for the next. 2 weeks, removed all the card sleeves with what they were and out these in the magazine rack. The plastic food trays were neatly piled on top of the washer in the really hot utility room (height of summer). Must have binned about £40+ of food.

Now in ch her obsession if the napkins. Doesn't matter if it is the nice cloth ones,or paper ones. They have to be unfolded.looked at. Measured against each other. Re folded.finally out in her knitting bag. Never used for what they are intended,but she seems to enjoy this activity. When we visit,there are a,plways numerous napkins in knitting bag,pockets,zimma bucket, inside pillow case etc.
Ros

 

[Toony Oony]

**!!?! Kitchen Roll

Tissues: what is it about tissues? They are taken out of the packet, folded and then flattened out, and folded and flattened out, and folded and flattened out. I wouldn't mind so much if she ever used them, but she wipes her nose on her hankie. Still, they do come in handy under the kindling to light the fire - just off to do a sweep of the house to collect today's batch.
SWs and carers have said that tissues are a common 'fiddle' thing so I can sort of understand it. Maybe one of those fiddle muffs might help keep her hands busy?
xx

With my Mum it is kitchen roll - the thicker the better. She uses it to dab her mouth. Then providing it is still pretty good ( in her opinion) it gets hung up - so there is perpetual kitchen roll 'bunting' suspended all over her sitting room and kitchen. Yuck! I go round 'accidentally on purpose' knocking it onto the floor and then exclaiming that it is unhygienic now it is on the floor, and bagging it up for disposal.
Bless her, I thought she was keeping the kitchen roll industry in business single-handedly - but perhaps other people's loved ones are also doing their bit??

 

[Linbrusco]

My Mum is in a care home now 10mnths but tissue, toilet paper and serviettes are always strewn throughout Mums chest of drawers and pockets.
Following a UTI 2 mnths ago tidying and rearranging her room has gotten to the point where she has no decorations in her room. 2 vases of artificial flowers gone,? her knitted blanket gone ? all her birthday/mothers day cards taken down, her little artificial christmas tree & tinsel that she loved either broken or thrown out, her photos on her cork board hidden in her drawer. Clothes folded, refolded and shifted from drawer to drawer or thrown in a cupboard above her wardrobe. She has taken sheets off the bed, and towels out the bathroom and folded them up and put in her drawers.
If you try and tidy up, she does let you but then next day back to square one.

In her younger days Mum worked as cleaner for a hotel.

Just as she was recovering from all of this she now has another UTI

 

[Floweryfoo]

Lily has also been interested in tissues for ages - maybe on and off for a year. It predates the current tidying obsession and it was actually one of the first signs something wasn't quite right - they were always by her side, shredded and mashed up and on the floor around her chair and she couldn't seem to see what we meant when we asked what had happened and then the next day there were more tissues. We thought it might be cataracts preventing her from seeing the shredded paper or poor coordination or dozing off and dropping the tissues in her hand.

We vacuum it up and remove it as best we can, obviously, but since she does need tissues as she quite often has a stuffy nose and needs to wipe her hands there is always more to shred.

I guess it is something like a worry blanket - maybe the hand movement of shredding is relaxing somehow? She is also very keen to know when we'll be buying more toilet paper - there's always enough, but it's something she thinks about a lot. That and buying more underwear so she can tidy it....

All these loved ones with dementia with all their tissues It's very sad but when I think about it has some kind of funny side to imagine how much they must collectively get through. That's not intended disrespectfully to anyone.

 

[Batsue]

Don't even mention kitchen roll, it is now banned in our house, mum used to take yards of it and most was flushed down the loo, we only discovered this when a large puddle appeared around the manhole cover of our septic tank. OH and I spent a morning with 2 buckets emptying the manhole and tipping it into the tank before we could used a drain rod of clear the blockage. Of course mum said that she never put kitchen roll down the toilet!

 

[Pear trees]

My mum used to smooth out used toilet roll and leave it in neat piles on the cistern to use again and again, and if we threw them out because they were dirty and stank we shouted at us for wasting her money.
She also used to tidy things away in strange places even though she never did any housework before dementia.

 

[LilyJ]

Our PWD aged 96 is obsessed with making sure that the toilet is 'safe'; she stands staring down it for many hours. If she's not doing that she's sitting on the toilet and staring at or fiddling with anything nearby "ensuring that it's 'safe'" and if not doing those things she stands and watches the tap in the basin to make sure that it doesn't drip; if there's any hint of moisture, like a small droplet, she has to remove it to make it 'safe' and to avert a flood! Then the towel has to be folded in a certain way and titivated at the corners because it has to be 'safe'.
When we ask her what these things are likely to do she says she likes to be sure that they......... yes, you've guessed it..... are 'safe'!!! If we say that it's certainly good to be tidy she's scornful, " I'm not bothered about them being tidy, so long as they are safe. This happens day and night.
She was in the bathroom last night from at least 2am ( when I was up to the loo - fortunately have more than one!) until 7.30 this morning.
Hey-ho.

 

[Floweryfoo]

Our PWD aged 96 is obsessed with making sure that the toilet is 'safe'; she stands staring down it for many hours. If she's not doing that she's sitting on the toilet and staring at or fiddling with anything nearby "ensuring that it's 'safe'" and if not doing those things she stands and watches the tap in the basin to make sure that it doesn't drip; if there's any hint of moisture, like a small droplet, she has to remove it to make it 'safe' and to avert a flood! Then the towel has to be folded in a certain way and titivated at the corners because it has to be 'safe'.
When we ask her what these things are likely to do she says she likes to be sure that they......... yes, you've guessed it..... are 'safe'!!! If we say that it's certainly good to be tidy she's scornful, " I'm not bothered about them being tidy, so long as they are safe. This happens day and night.
She was in the bathroom last night from at least 2am ( when I was up to the loo - fortunately have more than one!) until 7.30 this morning.
Hey-ho.

That sounds horrendous - must drive you crazy! We luckily don't have any safety interests yet.... long may it continue. I wish I could understand what is happening in their brains to trigger and maintain these loops.

 

[hillymilly]

Tissues: what is it about tissues? They are taken out of the packet, folded and then flattened out, and folded and flattened out, and folded and flattened out. I wouldn't mind so much if she ever used them, but she wipes her nose on her hankie. Still, they do come in handy under the kindling to light the fire - just off to do a sweep of the house to collect today's batch.

My mum (88) also has an "issue with tissues". She puts rolled up toilet tissue inside her Tena pads and even though I have told her it's not necessary, it happens every day.
I think it's a left over memory from her youth when her mother probably gave her a rag for when she was menstruating.
And then I see the wet tissue sliding gently down her leg inside her tights! Ho hum. . . . . .
And she has also developed an obsession with picking up rubbish in the street* (usually very sparkly) and telling me that she must take it to the police station as someone will be missing it. I've now learnt to take it off her and tell her I'll take it to the police station after she went missing the other day and I found her walking into town to find the station. We don't have a local station now so she could've been wandering around for hours.

 

[FLT]

I thought mine was the only one! Tissues and kitchen roll all over the house, stuffed up sleeves, in the bed, tucked into the recesses of the sofa - I could scream! Also the tidying. Constantly wants to pack things away for when we move back to our "real house".

 

[Floweryfoo]

I thought mine was the only one! Tissues and kitchen roll all over the house, stuffed up sleeves, in the bed, tucked into the recesses of the sofa - I could scream! Also the tidying. Constantly wants to pack things away for when we move back to our "real house".

So many of us out there!

We went by today and found Lily mid sorting of clothes - again! But she was having a better day and actually said, 'I think I'm only doing this because I'm so bored I have to do something.' Which was very lucid, although I don't think she has any idea that she's done it every day for months or knows the things we've suggested to reduce boredom. I wonder if inescapable boredom is a driver of a lot of dementia behaviour.

Oh well, onwards and upwards with our tissuey lives.

 

[Grannie G]

My husband used to tidy his shoes.

I kept all shoes in their boxes on the floor of the wardrobe. This kept them in order and dust free.

Of course once dementia set in my husband didn`t know what was in the boxes so he would open them, take the shoes out and line them up in the bedroom, leaving the boxes and lids anywhere.

Once the shoes were out of the boxes he would spend ages arranging them in a row.