Refusing to wash

[GrannyB]

My 80 year old husband has severe mixed dementia. He shaves most mornings but doesn't really wash or clean his teeth. I am his main carer and today, I suggested he had a shower, his first for 10 days! He refused point blank and became very aggressive towards me. He was very angry and turned it round by telling me I was the one who needed a shower, amongst other name calling. I have walked away to give him the chance to calm down but I don't know what to do next. Do I persist or try again another day? I really can't imagine he will allow a stranger to wash him so I don't think a professional carer is an option. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hi @GrannyB My dad didn't shower for a year, not even a wash I am ashamed to say. He was adamant that he washed every day but he didn't. It is a very common problem and there are many posts on here that mention showering and washing. I made sure that dad had clean clothes every day and I would offer him some of my new dry shampoo that you just spray on and brush off and he accepted that. Dad didn't go out so he didn't get dirty and amazingly he never smelt.

No advice but just to let you know that it is very common.

You will get others replying and they may have some ideas to help you.

Dad would shave 3 or more times a day and he was always combing his hair.

 

[Kevinl]

Say you're going for a shower and ask if he wants to come with you? Worked for me, you wash my back and I'll wash your. Naked together kinda makes you more equal, nothing neither of hasn't seen before.
K

 

[Sphynx]

My Mum hates being showered now. She is in a care home and it’s the only thing she seems to really dislike and she will avoid the carer who helped her shower for that day and ‘complain’ to the manager (she is not able to do more than make cross noises now). It was actually one of the reasons we (her children) decided a care home was best for her as we knew we wouldn’t have the heart to force her.
Do you have a bath he could safely get into? Lying in water is very relaxing and he might enjoy that and not get anxious about it. Hope you find something to help him (and you!)