Hello, this is my first post. I've successfully stuck my head in the sand not wanting to admit that life is going to change now that my husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Mostly, we rub along ok, I increasingly do more and take on more responsibility but that's all part of it. My watch phrase is "It is what it is". Unfortunately, that's not working any more and I could do with some advice please. The latest issue is that he has 'mislaid' (moved and lost) the passwords for his online bank account. We've been relying on me moving money around online so I can take more of the burden of bills, etc, I always did it with his knowledge and it worked well. Now that the passwords have been lost I am despairing as the bills are piling up and I'm dipping even more into my savings when he has a healthy amount in his current account. He is happy to help pay for things but refuses to ask for help in changing the passwords etc. We visited his bank this week and although the lady at the counter was helpful, he refused her offer to change the passwords as 'I'll find them at home'. We ended up having a row in the bank which was deeply humiliating, for both of us. Has anyone got any advice as to how I can make him understand that I need his help and we need to sort out the bank account?
Refuses help with money
- Thread starter Vee500
- Start date
-
- Tags
- alzheimer's disease
Hello and firstly welcome @Vee500 to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia here so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your husband's diagnosis and the issue you are having with bank account passwords. This is not something I have direct experience of so unable to offer any advice, but I'm sure others do and will be along shortly with any suggestions.
I hope you will find this forum as helpful and supportive as I have. People here really do want to help, and most importantly, they understand.
I am sorry to read about your husband's diagnosis and the issue you are having with bank account passwords. This is not something I have direct experience of so unable to offer any advice, but I'm sure others do and will be along shortly with any suggestions.
I hope you will find this forum as helpful and supportive as I have. People here really do want to help, and most importantly, they understand.
Hi @Vee500
Depending on the stage reached with your PWD, do you know your OH's bank "user name" or customer number for online banking. If so, there is a procedure online for changing passwords, or pin numbers, usually with a back up verification by mobile phone.
Or do you, or would your OH agree to sign a LPoA Finance & Property ?
In a physical branch it is best to go in and take documentation related to the account and your and husbands IDs and proofs of address. Banks have Customer Services for vulnerable customers and they will be very supportive.
I don't bank online but I imagine an online bank will have much the same processes and procedures and a number you can ring.
It may be time to deal permanently offline and in a bank. The advice re LPOA is hugely relevant. An alternative is for you both to go into the bank and get the accounts made joint. The bank has the responsibility of making sure you husband has mental capacity for this particular financial matter. Then you can deal as you se fit
I don't bank online but I imagine an online bank will have much the same processes and procedures and a number you can ring.
It may be time to deal permanently offline and in a bank. The advice re LPOA is hugely relevant. An alternative is for you both to go into the bank and get the accounts made joint. The bank has the responsibility of making sure you husband has mental capacity for this particular financial matter. Then you can deal as you se fit
If he will agree to it you need to get your husband to grant you Lasting Power of Attorney, not ‘because of your dementia” but because “ you might have an accident or a stroke and end up in hospital “ (or some such reason). Then you can change the password etc. and gradually take over as necessary.
Hi Chizz, thanks so much for replying. Unfortunately, all the bank user names and passwords, etc, were on a piece of paper which has been lost (not by me but I'm learning not to apportion blame). Why I didn't copy it or take a photo I will never know, big oversight. I think the POA is the way to go but he isn't ready to agree to that yet so, for the time being, I will try the bank helpline and see if they can suggest something. All it really needs is for them to reset the passwords but I understand they are wary of fraud. We have a follow up appt with the memory clinic in a month so I will ask the doctor if he can stress the need for a POA. Thanks again.
Thanks, Alisongs. I will speak to the bank, as you say they have dedicated customer services for this sort of thing and hopefully they will be able to help me resolve it.
Thanks, Gosling. I have already had a couple of replies which have helped. It is such a relief to be able to get help without judgement or 'sympathetic eyes', just straightforward advice. An invaluable service, thank you to all involved.
Maybe @Vee500 if you down the LoA forms - one for each of you - and tell him that, in case of mishap to you, accident or illness, you're thinking of doing one before you get older and can't; and maybe you say to your OH you'd like to join me and do one as well?
Might that work?
Just a thought.
As you appreciate anybody entering into a PoA must have capacity to do so. All PoAs have to be done in advance, in case.
Similar threads
