Recent decision - right or wrong?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by blackburn, Apr 4, 2007.

  1. blackburn

    blackburn Registered User

    Feb 20, 2007
    17
    North East
    :) Hello again

    It's been a while since I posted but I have been watching. This is my situation in a nutshell and I would be grateful if anyone out there could let me know whether this situation is unusual.

    My mother (aged 83) has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. She has had a very confusing and distressing time for about 7 weeks whilst in hospital and an assessment centre. In view of her mental state I was advised she was unable to care for herself and she needed 24 hour residential care. I went along with this decision and found a very pleasant modern care home. She has now been there for 3 weeks and during this time she has improved tremendously - there is no sign of confusion at all and she already seems very settled and quite happy. I am informed that this is because she is in a controlled and stable environment where her main decision is what to wear that day. I am very concerned in view of this improvement in case I have made the wrong decision and should have allowed her to try to retain her independence by finding her sheltered accommodation. She is unable to return to her former home as this is a 2 storey house and she is very prone to falling.

    Have I made the right decision?

    I would welcome any advice you can give.

    Isabel:rolleyes:
     
  2. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    Hi Isabel

    I really think you have answered your own question here. If your mother is settled and happy and has improved then I think you would be best leaving here where she is.

    Brenda
     
  3. Natashalou

    Natashalou Registered User

    Mar 22, 2007
    426
    london
    Decisions

    I am no expert but I think the fact your mother is settled and happy indicates this is the right choice. My mother also entered a nursing home under similar circs, but she hates it. We did at one point look to buy a sheltered flat but the manager made it clear residents had to be fully independent and care for themselves, she was only there 9 til 5 and then the alarm switched to an off site centre. It wouldnt have offered enough support for mum.
    However if you really consider her returning home, many local authorities have bugets to allow for adaptions to be carried out to the home which might make it more suitable for her. and most subscribe to systems where the home can be linked into a call centre.
    None of this is easy.:(
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Isabel

    Yes, you made the right decision. Your mum is settled and happy, it would only unsettle her again to take her out.

    If it didn't work, and you know the chances are it wouldn't, that would mean another upheaval.

    Just be glad that she has settled so well, so many people don't.

    And get that guilt monster off your shoulder!

    Love,
     
  5. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,111
    Toronto, Canada
    The right decision

    Isabel,
    I can only repeat what has already been said - your mother has settled in, and is happy. You are very lucky. Moving her again would only disrupt her.

    I understand how you feel as I often felt like that the first year my mother was in a retirement home but my mother took forever to settle and in point of fact one can argue that she still hasn't settled. She has had a very pugnacious disease course.

    Be happy your mother is happy and I am happy for you too. You did the right thing.

    Love,
    Joanne
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Dear Isabel
    Your concerns show that, no matter what we do, the guilt monster is never far away! Or to use a cliche, damned if you do, damned if you don't. Even if she has made a remarkable recovery (and I do think structure has a lot to do with it, plus stimulation) do not discount the falls side of the issue. My mother is now in a nursing home folowwing a series of falls. She was in an extra-care facility, she had a call button that she could use if she fell at night (there were people no more than 200 yards away who could respond), but that didn't stop her from ending up on the floor for several hours at a time. You would not necessarily know if you talked to her that she had any issues with confusion, but she simply cannot remember to use a call bell.

    Be very grateful that the care facility is taking such good care of her and she is happy: would we could all have such a good outcome.

    Love

    Jennifer
     
  7. blackburn

    blackburn Registered User

    Feb 20, 2007
    17
    North East
    :) Thanks for the replies.

    I certainly agree that the "guilt monster" has a lot to answer for. I am sure you are right when you say that because my mother has settled and she is happy I have made the right decision. I know it's a comfort that when I leave her there is always somebody on hand if she needs help for whatever reason.

    Isabel:)
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    Dear Isabel, your mother`s home sounds wonderful. The fact she is settled and happy speaks for itself. There`s no need for a guilt monster, she`s obviously in a far better living environment than she was in her own home, 24 hour care and companionship, safe and happy. It couldn`t be better.
    Know in your heart you`ve done well for her.
     
  9. blackburn

    blackburn Registered User

    Feb 20, 2007
    17
    North East
    :) Thanks for those kind words Sylvia. I am coming round to the idea that I've made the right decision.

    Mam actually asked me to take her a duster yesterday, so she could dust her ornaments in her china cabinet. She must feel very settled in herself|

    Love Isabel:)
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    Hi Isabel, well in asking for a duster, your mother obviously feels at home. How lovely for you, no-one could ask for more reassurance.
     

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