PWD No regular visitors at Care Home

[Rayreadynow]

My PWD does not have any regular family visitors at their care home due to the distance and I am concerned that no one independent is seeing what is really going on day to day and week to week. Any ideas on how I can make sure that there are independent regular visitors.

 

[Grannie G]

Any ideas on how I can make sure that there are independent regular visitors.

You can`t.

If you are so unhappy with the home you could try to find one better or report the home to the CQC.

When I was a regular visitor to my husband I was aware there were quite a few residents who had no visitors. If I had seen anything untoward with any of them I would have commented or reported an individual carer to the manager

It is one of the reasons I feel so strongly against residents being isolated in their own rooms rather than being in the communal rooms with others.

 

[nitram]

Any ideas on how I can make sure that there are independent regular visitors.

Did she attend any church?
If so ask if they can organise visitors.

 

[dq79]

If the PWD is under a DOLS authorisation there will be a Relevant Person's Representative (RPR) nominated, part of the function of which is maintaining contact with the person in respect of the DOLS and they are impartial to the care home. They may be able to consider if there is anything that can be done to promote your PWD's inclusion or request review

What is a Relevant Person’s Representative (RPR)?

A Relevant Person’s Representative (RPR) is a necessary and essential role under the Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards (DoLS).

mental-capacity.co.uk

 

[Violet Jane]

In my experience, friends don't visit people in care homes and many family members don't either. My brother lived a 7 minute drive away from my mother's care home but never visited without me. I lived over an hour and a half away.

As far as I can tell, most care home residents receive very few visitors. I saw very few visitors when I visited my mother over a four year period. Usually, I was the only one there. I suspect that many only receive one regular visitor, either a spouse or an adult child. The majority of care home residents are women and I would guess that most of them were widowed.

Can't you visit more? How far away do you live?

 

[sdmhred]

On mums floor there are approx 20 residents….maybe I have seen 5 or so have regular visitors. Staff have told me some have maybe one visit a year 😭😭😭 The nurse said she will call the NOK and often they take a week or so to respond 😱😱😱

Dementia is too hot for many people to cope with sadly.

I have adopted them all as mum’s new friends. I love to greet them by name and ask how they are…..on a tough day sometimes the smiles I receive back make my day 🥰🥰🥰

 

[Grannie G]

I too made friends with other residents. It was to help my husband feel at home as much as anything else.

 

[Rayreadynow]

In my experience, friends don't visit people in care homes and many family members don't either. My brother lived a 7 minute drive away from my mother's care home but never visited without me. I lived over an hour and a half away.

As far as I can tell, most care home residents receive very few visitors. I saw very few visitors when I visited my mother over a four year period. Usually, I was the only one there. I suspect that many only receive one regular visitor, either a spouse or an adult child. The majority of care home residents are women and I would guess that most of them were widowed.

Can't you visit more? How far away do you live?

I live 3 hours drive away. Last time I visited for 6 days sharing meals and joining in with the 'activities' and over that period they were getting lots of recognition back.

 

[SeaSwallow]

This must be so hard for you @Rayreadynow Is there any way that the PWD could be moved closer to you.
You could could contact the Alzheimer's Society helpline to see if they can suggest any volunteer organisations in the area that arrange care home visits.

Contact us

Find out how to get in touch with Alzheimer's Society by phone, email, post or online.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Rayreadynow]

This must be so hard for you @Rayreadynow Is there any way that the PWD could be moved closer to you.
You could could contact the Alzheimer's Society helpline to see if they can suggest any volunteer organisations in the area that arrange care home visits.

Contact us

Find out how to get in touch with Alzheimer's Society by phone, email, post or online.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Rosettastone57]

My experience with care home visitors is similar to that of @Violet Jane . When my husband visited his mother there were very few other visitors. He went once a fortnight, which many staff thought was exceptional. No other family members ever visited my mother in law, even when she was in her own home, let alone in care . We employed a carer to visit her once a week for an hour for the first month to help settle her with a familiar face. This was the same care agency she had been using in her own home and the care home were fully on board with this.

 

[Violet Jane]

Sadly, my experience is that friends don't visit people with dementia in their own homes either although there were some honourable exceptions. My elderly friend had 24 hour care for the last 18 months of her life and hardly anyone visited apart from my husband and me. And when they did visit they tended to come together, which reduced the number of visits. The friends didn't even have to do anything - they weren't faced with a dirty house or a friend who had had a toileting accident. All they had to do was be her friend. I'm not making myself out to be a saint but it's frightening to think what things would have been like for her if my husband (her financial attorney) and I hadn't been on the scene and very much involved. She had no close family at all and the extended family who did take an interest lived abroad.

 

[Grannie G]

All my experiences of visiting care home has been to see only family visitors

 

[northumbrian_k]

My wife's friends from work made a big fuss about wanting to visit her. They did so but just the once. Her sister hasn't visited her for several years. Her son does visit but a nearly 600 mile round trip is a big undertaking when she may not recognise or respond. People will do what suits them best and I am not making judgements about their choices. Visiting is not always easy for many reasons.

Post pandemic I now visit twice a week. I do see other visitors but not many or often. I visit to see my wife for me as much as for her. I am her Relevant Person's Representative but that role is secondary to just being her husband. She has been settled and content in the home long enough for me to have little anxiety about the care she receives. I do engage with both staff and other residents but some of the latter can be difficult. I wouldn't hesitate to report anything untoward.

I like to see my wife in the lounge rather than in her room. I know of another resident who specifically asks not to go into the lounge because her dementia is less severe and she prefers not to engage with other residents.

I am not sure if any of this helps you @Rayreadynow. Long distance caring must be difficult. I don't have any easy solutions.

 

[Grable]

Wow! My mum was obviously very lucky. My brother, who lived a few miles away, would pop in most weeks. Mum's neighbours on both sides visited at least once a fortnight and there were two old friends who made occasional visits. Her younger brother could always raise a smile - he was there perhaps once a month - her sister had further to travel, but managed it every month or two and one of her nieces turned up pretty much fortnightly. Oh yes, and one of my old school friends who was visiting her parents in the area tried to pop in to see Mum, too. As for me, 200 miles away, I went to see her on all my holidays from work and on Bank Holiday weekends and would visit twice a day when I was there.
If nobody's visiting your PWD regularly, I wonder if it's worth trying to find a student or somebody similar who would like to earn a bit of pocket money by going to visit and reporting back? I'd have gladly taken that on once a week for minimum wage when I was a student.

 

[Violet Jane]

@Grable, your mother was fortunate indeed. I think that her situation was very unusual.

 

[Rayreadynow]

Relevant Persons Representative - My mother was effectively left without an appropriate RPR for 2 years because they allowed a person to appoint themselves who lived 1500 miles away in Europe and therefore wasn't able to have face to face contact. The Care Home manager didn't seem to think to report it to the Supervisory Body ( local council), cant think why!