Hiya Lisa,
Initially, on reading your post, I think my response was similar to Saffie's and Kevin's. When you love someone, who has this awful disease, most of us find it absolutely impossible to put 'ourselves first', not only because we love the person we are caring for, but because we are all, always, aware that having this illness is so horrendous for the sufferer and that they really need us.
Then I read your other post, about the impact on you and your family, and I think I understand where you are coming from.
I had my Mil living with me for nearly 3 years, and for several years before that, had supported her in her own home. She and I were very close, pre-dementia, she was one of my closest friends as well as being my Mum in law. The three years that she lived with us (prior to going in a home) were probably the hardest, most stressful 3 years of my life. But it was only after we had to make the decision that we could no longer cope (because she became physically violent) and that residential care was now the only option, that the impact of those years actually caught up with me. As well as sadness and guilt (and there was a lot of both of those emotions) I found myself quite angry and bitter. I felt like I had 'wasted' 3 long, hard years of mine and my families life - and for what? Made no difference in the end, dementia 'won', she ended up in a care home! I had feelings of anger towards my husband - he had always, always said that as I was the main carer, if it all got 'too much', I only had to say - after Mil went into a home, and I was really able to take stock of what we had all been through, I found myself angry that I had been expected to 'just say', I felt like he should seen for himself how hard it was and he should have stepped in and made the decision about a CH much sooner. I was exhausted, I couldn't sleep, I cried buckets, I lost motivation and had no energy, I felt a failure - and I was just as bitter, and angry and resentful, as I was sad and guilt ridden at 'putting Mil in a home'. I wished - many times - that I had never, ever agreed to care for Mil and I resented the impact that it was now having. I guessed you could say that I wished that I had put me and my family first.
I had the added worry of my now 15 year old daughter - if I was feeling like that, I stressed a lot about what the impact had been on her
So I think what I am trying to say is that hard as the time spent actually hands-on caring is, the aftermath can also be incredibly difficult to deal with. I went to see my GP (after my OH had nagged me into going), who was completely understanding and told me he had actually been expecting me to show up at the surgery, feeling like that. He was amazed that it had taken me so long to go there. I explained about the anger, and the regret and resentment at the 'wasted' years, at feeling angry at my OH, guilty about my daughter - and that I also felt guilty for feeling like that about my OH, guilty for resenting looking after Mil and guilty for the feeling of relief that I was no longer the hands-on carer. We talked, and he urged me to try a course of anti-depressents, and I agreed. It's taken me several months to get over (mostly) these feelings - and there are still times when I feel low, though less often now - but it was the best thing I could have done. The resentment has gone, I can find some comfort in the fact that I really did my best to look after Mil whilst she was here with us and the feeling that those years were 'wasted' has vanished. After being unable to work, after losing contact with several friends and feeling isolated, at the age of 53, I have a new job (which I adore) and have reconnected with some friends, and made new friends with others. I've even found that the hands on caring years have given me experience that has helped with my new job, and I think have made me a more patient and appreciative person. Took a while for me to get to that point though, to be honest
Please go and see your GP, listen to his/her advice, go to counselling or consider a short course of medication to help you cope with how you are feeling. I know its hard, but if I can get my life back on to a track that has made me happy in my 50's, I am sure that you can do the same in your 20's.
I hope this helps xxxx