Probate
- Thread starter MaNaAk
- Start date
I've been spending a lot of time on here today but I just want you all to know that I have thought about renting like @DianeW says if things get too stressful. However I have decided not to mention this to my brothers in case I get pushed even harder. I am still wary of saying too much to them.
MaNaAk
MaNaAk
Hi @MaNaAk
I do see your posts and am so sorry you have had a hellish time with your brothers I do understand as have had horrendous times with my sister although she has for whatever reason eased up of late. I can't help but be suspicious of sister and also very wary of what I say as sure she will find a way to use against me in the future. I hope whatever plans you make they will go through smoothly and you can be settled and away from their nastiness. Take Care ?
I do see your posts and am so sorry you have had a hellish time with your brothers I do understand as have had horrendous times with my sister although she has for whatever reason eased up of late. I can't help but be suspicious of sister and also very wary of what I say as sure she will find a way to use against me in the future. I hope whatever plans you make they will go through smoothly and you can be settled and away from their nastiness. Take Care ?
I agree it’s best not to mention the option of renting to your brothers, I think they will see that as a quick way to get you out.
Keep your cards close to your chest where they are concerned, it’s a shame they are not supporting you....but it’s never going to happen sadly.
It’s going to feel stressful because it’s not what you want, but the sad reality is it’s out of your hands, now you just need to put you first and find yourself a lovely home, be that one you buy, or that you can rent in the short term while you keep searching.
Nothing you get is going to feel the same as where you are now, because you love your family home so much......but all your lovely memories will go with you to your new home....that’s just yours, where you can live without interference from your brothers.
Hopefully once it’s over, you can still have a distanced but friendly relationship with your brothers.....I really do hope so.
Keep your cards close to your chest where they are concerned, it’s a shame they are not supporting you....but it’s never going to happen sadly.
It’s going to feel stressful because it’s not what you want, but the sad reality is it’s out of your hands, now you just need to put you first and find yourself a lovely home, be that one you buy, or that you can rent in the short term while you keep searching.
Nothing you get is going to feel the same as where you are now, because you love your family home so much......but all your lovely memories will go with you to your new home....that’s just yours, where you can live without interference from your brothers.
Hopefully once it’s over, you can still have a distanced but friendly relationship with your brothers.....I really do hope so.
I agree, tell them nothing that they don't need to know. I volunteer no information at all to my brother and especially to his wife, I have learned the hard way to keep things to myself because things can be twisted and used against you.
I've just had a text from a friend to say that I must find time in the day for myself which is lovely. I am feeling upset as I probably won't get time to for a break or see friends.
Probably don't deserve it.
MaNaAk
PS: I have had a little cry.
Probably don't deserve it.
MaNaAk
PS: I have had a little cry.
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We all need a little cry sometimes @MaNaAk but don't you dare do any of that "don't deserve it" nonsense! Go for a walk if you can. Being outside is good. Make a list of all your strengths, everything you know is good about yourself. Repeat it to yourself often. Do this out loud to a mirror if it helps. Stand straight, shoulders back, breath deeply, hold your head up and be proud of who you are. (I know, I sound like a Sergeant Major but good posture helps with self esteem!)
MaNaAk dont even think you dont deserve it. crying is a release we all need but you can get that thought out of your head. thats your anxiety talking so you need to tell it to shut up. need to find time if only 5 minutes to do the exercises. hold on and it will get better. you do deserve it
Apart from what I've done so far I must look up the Covid rules to see who I can let into the house because I don't think my brothers can be here at the same time. As well as checking the list that I've made of things I want to keep. Yes I have a lot on my plate with work as well. I also need to keep this house clean.
MaNaAk
MaNaAk
It’s ok to cry if you need to.....
You have a lot to do but that doesn’t mean you can’t have free time to rest, chill, and speak to friends etc.
It’s just a balance between work, sorting the house and new home and time for you.
I think it’s the same for everyone, life balance changes depending on priority at certain times, but that doesn’t mean you can’t factor in time for you too.
Certainly at times in my life when caring I had no time for myself between caring, working full time and my husband and daughter and own home to sort out....it was very tough and did take its toll on me...
Now things are much calmer and apart from work I have lots of free time.
Take care X
You have a lot to do but that doesn’t mean you can’t have free time to rest, chill, and speak to friends etc.
It’s just a balance between work, sorting the house and new home and time for you.
I think it’s the same for everyone, life balance changes depending on priority at certain times, but that doesn’t mean you can’t factor in time for you too.
Certainly at times in my life when caring I had no time for myself between caring, working full time and my husband and daughter and own home to sort out....it was very tough and did take its toll on me...
Now things are much calmer and apart from work I have lots of free time.
Take care X
Thankyou @DianeW.
I'm feeling better now. There are people here on this forum that are worse off than me but things just get to me a bit. However that's why I've got the therapist. If I had left home settled when I was younger I wouldn't be in this position but I suppose my brothers wouldn't be in their positions.
MaNaAk
I'm feeling better now. There are people here on this forum that are worse off than me but things just get to me a bit. However that's why I've got the therapist. If I had left home settled when I was younger I wouldn't be in this position but I suppose my brothers wouldn't be in their positions.
MaNaAk
no not both brothers together as it counts as two households going into another household. not even allowed outside with both as its 1 from 1 household and 1 from another house hold they get more confusing. my son and daughter can come separately as they are helping to care for a vulnerable parent.
I've been thinking of you @Wildflowerlady and I think you're doing an amazing job with your dad and your husband. I woke up early again thinking about things and I also have OCD. One bit of advice when dealing with invisibles is to ignore any criticism and if they get nasty only deal with them when you have to.
MaNaAk
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Thank you @MaNaAk I think I spoke too soon and sister is up to old ways again telling me to 'Shut up' at the end of a text message yesterday. I am never so blunt or rude with her. I think our journey with dad being cared for at home is almost over and will update soon as things are definitely moving in the direction of dad going into a CH. I'm not entirely sure if she has been made aware yet as hasn't mentioned it to me. Services know sister might be more resistant to dad going into CH than I but have admitted to me dad does need 24/7 care now.. Sister could be keeping what she knows quiet as has often not kept me informed of things. I know they will keep us both updated at some point as they are aware our relationship is strained. You are a very kind lady and its such a shame all us good ones have to deal with such awful siblings/relatives when trying our very best to help our loved one/PWD. I always acknowledge my sister has been good to dad and cannot fault her care or love for him but has had no respect or care for me. Sister has always been the same without good reason. It seems I was just unfortunate enough to be her sister.
I too seem to be spending a lot of my time thinking about everything and that in itself is very draining without everything else going on.
One day my days of dealing with sister will be over as there is no chance our relationship such as it is will survive. I managed over 20 years without living with her spite or contact before our dad got dementia, I can survive again. Take Care sending a ?
