1. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    118
    Been wracking my brain to think of some positives to this situation, came up with three so far (surely there must be more?):
    1. You get to choose what you want to watch on TV
    2. You can dance and sing as badly as you like and they either don't notice or don't care (or it might even make them laugh)
    3. This one adopted from 'The Selfish Pigs Guide to Caring' - we're out of the materialism rat race because we don't have time, energy, freedom (or often the money) to go out shopping.
     
  2. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    And people won’t be so mean as to say anything if you forget their birthday or special anniversary:)
     
  3. Lladro

    Lladro Registered User

    May 1, 2019
    74
    Love your post - made me smile and also made me think - Yes, there must be some positives to this 24/7 caring gig...

    1. You DO get to chose what to watch on TV and you can choose which taped things to watch when they have eventually succumbed to sleep.
    2. If they do actually go to sleep before midnight - you get to talk to other nice gigers on this forum!
    3. You get to put the food that you like into the shopping basket - and also are able to put out of the trolley, all of the things that they have put in that you don't need - without them realising!
    4. Very occasionally you may receive a "thank you" - which makes you feel good about yourself rather than the normal emotions of guilt, anger and utter frustration!
    5. I'm working on number five...
     
  4. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    OH watches TV in the study so choosing what to watch was never an issue.

    OH is the one who sings all the time, usually the same song very badly.

    I love charity shops so can have a lovely time and spend very little.

    My positive thing is that I can do what I like and OH never notices. We have had a floor lamp for years and it was only the other day that he asked if it was new!
     
  5. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    118
    I love these positives - we carers of partners with dementia do miss out on the company and the freedom but at least we don't have to compromise on things, e.g mine used to like to be very involved with the house decor but now he's not interested so I don't have to have his sailing ship pictures on the walls, I can put up the ones I like and he can have his things in his study.
    Agree Lladro about the thank you - it's so special when you get that because they really mean it.
    Charity shops, yes we used to go to those all the time when he was into his books, we still go for a browse but he's not interested in books anymore.
    And yes, great excuse for forgetting birthdays and anniversaries!
     
  6. Lyd

    Lyd Registered User

    May 27, 2019
    58
    1. Holding a grudge is hard when you cant remember..
    2. Small acts of kindness from strangers.
    3. Moments of pride at the ingenuity of someone fighting back and struggling to be independent (re-membered how to get a taxi last week when it was raining!).
    4. Some very funny moments (if you dont laugh...).
     
  7. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    118
    So true Lyd. Makes my day on the rare occasions when he gets up and gets himself dressed without help.
     
  8. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    I had a real meltdown a few weeks ago. OH had gone ahead and arranged a weekend away for himself and a friend playing bridge. He can manage to do this sort of thing but happily opts out of other things. But it really got to me that he can make plans to be away and I don't have that luxury. I rarely cry but this time there were floods. They were angry tears and I was letting rip with my opinions at the same time.

    However, it must have made quite an impact as my husband has been making quite an effort to do a bit more, washing the dishes, making his bed, throwing some things into the washing machine. In themselves they are only small things but the fact that he is making such an effort means a lot. In the past he has done a bit more for a couple of days then gone back to his old ways. Long may it last! For a while longer anyway.
     
  9. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    275
    He's very early stage then if still playing bridge?
     
  10. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    He was diagnosed over five years ago but is very high functioning and quite different to most people with Alzheimer's. He is having some minor short term memory problems but has no idea of the first thirty years of his life. His geriatrician gives him the tag of 'non classical' Alzheimer's which means he hasn't a clue. He has played cards all his life and seems to be hard wired for bridge. A lot of the club members are elderly and he tells me that many of them have dementia so maybe the competition is pretty ordinary.
     
  11. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Positive thinking.....yes and gratitude.
    I think it is Granny G.who has this at the bottom of al her posts. Keeps things in perspective for me.

    I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet......Helen Keller
     
  12. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,643
    Dad can tie any kind of knot beautifully (ex seaman) but he can't make a cup of coffee.
     
  13. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    So you understand what I mean when I say I think OH is hard wired for card games!

    How my husband can play a complicated game like bridge but not use a mobile phone seems ridiculous. I assume that this part of his brain is still working while other bits aren't.
     
  14. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,643
    I agree ridiculous, dad can't use the TV remote or the house phone let alone his very old fashioned mobile, but he can sure do all the fancy knots. I don't think he could play a card game but he is pretty good at quizzes.
     
  15. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,308
    Female
    Chester
    At the point of diagnosis my mum could still do the cryptic crossword in the Telegraph, but was no longer capable of driving, cooking anything but very simple food - eg porridge was too much, but she could fry and egg, - and also organising any complex tasks such as shopping. I got the shock of my life when around the time of diagnosis she asked where her money came from and I replied that she had a lot of dividends paid into her bank account and she replied what are dividends - she had worked as a foreign exchange dealer in the city and her hobby had always been to manage her small investment portfolio, buying and selling based on her predictions of the markets. So prob hard wired for cryptic crossword.
     
  16. Mydarlingdaughter

    Mydarlingdaughter Registered User

    Oct 25, 2019
    29
    My Mum is soppy and affectionate now, used to be so reserved and prone to anger outbursts,
    When looks at old photos gets very happy and says "those were the days!"
    Has adapted to care home life quite well.
     
  17. Lyd

    Lyd Registered User

    May 27, 2019
    58
    A couple of weeks ago we taught MIL snakes and ladders. Half way though she threw a six and landed on a snake. Ahh she explained. I've thrown a six so I get annother go. Where did that come from??? She always was competative!!!
     
  18. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    275
    Sounds like an unusual pattern
     

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