1. Arley

    Arley Registered User

    Jan 7, 2016
    Have been told today that my Dad has Vascular Dementia and also Alzheimers. He was sectioned under a section 10 days ago following a threat to take his own life. He has always had temper and they have had to restrain him on several occasions since he has been admitted.
    We were told today that the chances are he will never be able to return home and also unless his anger can be controlled he will have to be moved to a specialist hospital which is over 100 miles away from home.

    Dads Dr described him as 70/100 at the moment, when I visited Dad yesterday he was on good form and I felt he would be able to come home with support.

    This has come as a terrible shock, like I said in an earlier post only a few weeks ago we didn't think Dad had got anything wrong with him.

    I keep breaking down, so many negative thoughts, how do I tell my kids they dote on there Grand Dad.

  2. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    Sorry Arley have no knowledge that will help and you must be very distressed and shocked. Although it may seem like a very long nightmare to you, 10 days isn't all that long for the doctors to assess your father and get him on the best meds for his unique needs.

    Next time you visit perhaps you can seek assurance that the possible move will be a last resort only after the staff at the local centre have given a chance for whatever medication they are trying to work? If they can reassure you that no move will take place for ? weeks at least then it gives you hope that it may not be necessary.

    Your children are bound to pick up on your distress but perhaps better to just explain that granddad is ill but the doctors are trying to work out how best to treat him, and try to conceal your fears about the long distance move unless it becomes necessary?

    Hope someone with more knowledge will be along soon. Take care - hopefully your dad will continue to improve and things will look a bit brighter for him and your family soon.
  3. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    What you tell them depends on their ages & capacity to understand.

    As for bringing him home if the specialist staff can't control him how on earth will you manage?
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    Hi Arley
    you, your poor dad and your family are having a tough old time
    please, though, remember how your dad has behaved recently, whatever the cause may be - even lashing out at you - how could you, really, have him home yet
    it's promising, though, that he has times when he is 'on good form' - maybe he is beginning to settle?
    you've said the unit is good, so give them time to assess him and hopefully find some meds that will help him - then consider the future - take it one day at a time - easy for us to say, I know, but second guessing the future won't change what's happening now
    there are a number of threads on TP where people have recounted how helpful it has been for such a unit to be involved, so do have a mooch around and maybe you'll feel a bit more comforted and confident about what is happening
    and Gigglemore is right, talk with the staff on the unit, get as much info as you can from them, I'm sure they will find some time to listen to your concerns

    I wish there was more anyone could do for you - keep posting as there is so much support on TP; at least we can listen when you need to talk

    very best wishes
  5. Arley

    Arley Registered User

    Jan 7, 2016
    Thank you all for the replies

    Its the speed that my Dad has gone down hill has shocked us. The hospital where he is are great and his Doctor has phoned me himself in the last hour to see how the family are coping which was news.
    My Kids are a teenage son and a 11 year old daughter. They spend a lot of time with Grand dad and at the moment we have told them he is under the weather and we are waiting for some results.

    Both my eldest sister and my mother are full time health professionals, so providing support if Dad was allowed home would be easier than some cases. Also I am luck as I would be able to take time off from work to help with his care.

    Its a double edge situation at the moment, when he is well he wants to come home, which leads to he becoming upset which is triggering either an angry flare up or he has an angina attack which means he has to be rushed to A/E.

    I know its going to be a long road but at the moment every day seems to bring more bad news
  6. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008

    I appreciate your total dilemma, but lashing out unpredictably would mean 24/7 care, which as a family can be very difficult to provide, I hope his current stay can stabilise him.
    With regards to your children, when you feel able please try to tell them the truth as much as they will understand, it would be a shame if this illness marred how they perceived their Granddad.

    My nephews at 8 knew Granddad wasn't well and 'forgot things' and that if granddad gave them money every 10 minutes they should say no you already have done so.

    Then they had to learn that their Great-Grandpops was also ill but that he could be aggressive, but they loved him to the end.

    Sorry if I have given you too much to think about at the moment, please feel free to disregard anything you do not agree with. Take Care.
  7. Arley

    Arley Registered User

    Jan 7, 2016
    Once again need advice please

    Dad was sectioned two weeks ago and he has been admitted to a hospital were he has been diagnosed with both Vascular dementia and Alzheimers. Over the last week Dad has broken two windows and also there was an incident involving a member of staff that was restraining Dad which has been reported on his record.
    I have been told that Dad may have to be moved to a hospital in Mansfield as that is the nearest hospital that can cater for his behaviour.
    Obviously we are very upset at the prospect of Dad being moved, it will be at least an 2 hour trip to visit him and at the moment Dads nurses are using our visits to help keep him calm. I had a call late last night, Dad was refusing to take his medication, I spoke to him and he took it straight away.
    I can understand that the safety of both the staff and the other residents has to come first but I cannot believe there is no where in the West Midlands that can cater for Dads needs?
    We are hoping the medication Dad is on will kick in and it will supress his anger and he can stay were he is. Any advice from anyone who has been in a similar position would be very helpful.

    Thank you
  8. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    It's early days yet, Arley. The old adage never trouble trouble, until trouble troubles you has helped me when I was spiralling downwards and I hope it may help you.

    As you don't know what the future's likely to be and you can't influence events much, assuming the future will be as you wish it is necessary self-protection against unproductive, energy-draining anxiety. When you find yourself worrying, tell yourself to STOP and consciously switch your attention to a very happy, very vivid memory.

    Remember there's still lots of potential for good outcomes and the outcome you fear may never happen. Your Dad may improve sufficiently for a local nursing home to meet his needs. If he does have to spend some time in the Mansfield hospital it may only be a short time before he's able to return somewhere closer to the family. You may be able to push the hospital into finding somewhere more accessible than Mansfield for your Dad - the hospital staff already know how helpful it is to their patient to keep the family closely involved in his care.

    Good luck to all of you.
  9. Arley

    Arley Registered User

    Jan 7, 2016
    Thank you for your reply.

    Keep trying to be positive but the last couple of weeks seem to bring bad news every day. Dads Doctor has been very good and has said it will only be an emergency if they do move Dad. But speaking to the nurses today I get the feeling they will push to move him?
    Got our weekly meeting on Tuesday with Dads Doctor so will hopefully know more than?

    Best Regards

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