I read posts regarding when we first discover our loved ones being affected by this dreadful (putting it mildly) disease. When my mum was showing signs of forgetfulness, leaving food in fridge turning mouldy, not washing as often, aggressive if confronted with any concerns etc. Our advice is get the Doctors, social services etc in to care or assess. In my mum's case she was full on anxiety and accusations and then complete denial or forgot how she behaved. You never went home without feeling utter despair or should I say gutter despair. The tears shed which I never thought I had so many. Eventually she was firstly sectioned and then moved to a EMI unit. Visits are hard as her misery is very evident. Yesterdays visit for example - sitting there in the lounge area -smelly, airless other than a fan moving smells around the room, a man sitting opposite with snot hanging from both nostrils to the floor literally! trying to do up his Velcro shoes. Another man approaches me and starts to pull down the front of his trousers (saw this happen on a previous visit when a man peed on someones lap) and I had to get a member of staff to come and stop him. The staff do not walk they crawl and you get the idea that they hate their jobs but can get no other. The lounge carpet is worn and the skirting boards covered with tea stains, the wallpaper has been ripped off. I sit in misery with my mum looking at what her world has come to and pray that when I (god forbid) show signs of dementia, that I will be left alone in my home and get food poisoning from mouldy food in the fridge and die. It does not help my mum as she is aware of her surroundings but I know she is mentally ill and on the ward because of her aggression (I sometimes wonder if I would be the same looking at her environment) and constant trying to escape (I do not blame her). This urge for us to do our best to keep them safe!! For what reason, to live like that! I come home feeling immense anger and frustration at our world and how we are treated when we are old and the shortages of staff, money etc and if you cannot live your life decently then why would any of us not want to die. I certainly do not want to be preserved, drugged etc so that I can end my days in places like that to be told it is the best they can do. Sorry I am going through a bad time at the moment. One good thing about the visit was that I managed to wash mums hair and I made her laugh when I put a shower cap on her teddy. What a joy joined with despair and tears on the way home.