Hi Jaycee,
It's just heartbreaking cause although you want your Mum to be somewhere nicer, you are right they have probably chosen the cheapest place, but also your choices are limited because of her behaviour. In an ideal world we'd like them to be somewhere lovely but reality is that when dementia results in anti-social behaviours often all the worst patients get lumped together in one place and the staff struggle to cope.
My Mum was in EMI nursing and, while not as bad as what you describe, I had similar feelings when visiting and saw some disturbing sights. I moved Mum to general nursing as sadly she had become immobile and her anxiety was no longer a problem. I worried about the change and whether her anxious behaviour would return but thankfully it hasn't and she is in a lovely home now which is much easier to visit (but it's still not perfect.)
I was lucky that Mum's behaviour wasn't a problem and she was self funding so I was able to make that decision. So I really feel for you - wanting the best for your mum but knowing that only certain places will take her. You do end up wondering what's the point in them living on. Even now I feel the same. What's the point in existing with no mobility/little speech not able to eat by yourself or wipe your own backside. I wouldn't want it for myself and no matter how nice a home is I'm sure we all struggle with similar thoughts during our visits.
Best of luck
m
It's just heartbreaking cause although you want your Mum to be somewhere nicer, you are right they have probably chosen the cheapest place, but also your choices are limited because of her behaviour. In an ideal world we'd like them to be somewhere lovely but reality is that when dementia results in anti-social behaviours often all the worst patients get lumped together in one place and the staff struggle to cope.
My Mum was in EMI nursing and, while not as bad as what you describe, I had similar feelings when visiting and saw some disturbing sights. I moved Mum to general nursing as sadly she had become immobile and her anxiety was no longer a problem. I worried about the change and whether her anxious behaviour would return but thankfully it hasn't and she is in a lovely home now which is much easier to visit (but it's still not perfect.)
I was lucky that Mum's behaviour wasn't a problem and she was self funding so I was able to make that decision. So I really feel for you - wanting the best for your mum but knowing that only certain places will take her. You do end up wondering what's the point in them living on. Even now I feel the same. What's the point in existing with no mobility/little speech not able to eat by yourself or wipe your own backside. I wouldn't want it for myself and no matter how nice a home is I'm sure we all struggle with similar thoughts during our visits.
Best of luck
m
