1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    Northern Ireland
    What to do.. what to do
    Auntie has forgotten the PIN numbers again. I tried convincing her that the chip and signature card was the way to go but while she says "oh yes Isabella what a good idea" and then writes down what she needs to ask for. She never actually goes to the bank and then the cycle completes by her forgetting the PIN again. Surely there has to come a time with the bank when they insist on her having a signature card or they start charging her for re-issuing the PINs. She is becoming increasingly paranoid about others seeing her PIN so her well meaning friend told her "oh xxxx make sure you change your PIN if you think someone else knows it. Of course she thinks all and sundry have seen it so she changes it and then promplty forgets she's done it. She then blames a dodgy card or the bank and so the merry go round continues. As I live hundreds of miles away and only see her every 2 months I am very limited on what I can do. Has anyone else come up against this. Once I have the POA in place can I ask the bank to force her to take a chip and signature or could I get them to send me one and then send it to her and tell her this is a new card that the bank says you must use. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated. On a connected but seperate note I am concerned at how much cash she's getting through especially as she can't tell me where its going. She does say she gives a 'friend' money for helping her out but can't really tell me what he does for this money. Again with POA can I get the bank to limit the amount of cash withdrawals and alert me if she tries to take out large sums.
  2. random040404

    random040404 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    Hello Isabella
    Very difficult situation as you still want your Auntie to have some independence but want her finances to be safe too. I have had a similar situation with my father in that he is generous with his money when it comes to outsiders and then doesn't always recall what he has spent the money on when it comes to not having any money for his family commitments. The Power of Attorney may help but I had trouble registering my father's POA with his bank initially as all banks register them differently and impose different restrictions as to how the "donor" can have access their money. Maybe it would be worth making an appointment with her bank to discuss your concerns before your register the document with them. All that being said the banks still need to comply with the Mental Capacity Act. With regard to having a safety net in respect of how much money she spends dad's bank has put a limit on how much he is allowed to withdraw per day, he no longer has a cheque book and all his financial commitments are to be dealt with via standing orders. We think this is going to help. (As you can probably tell this is something we have only just had to deal with too.) You never know - your Auntie's bank may be super efficient and be able to set something up for you prior to registering any POA but it is probably something you will need to do face to face. If you have any concerns about what the bank tell you, you may want to speak to the help team at Alzheimer's Society as they were a great help for me and provided me with all the correct legal information to take to the bank.

    I hope you get it all sorted soon, take care x
  3. Bassetlaw Badge

    Bassetlaw Badge Registered User

    Oct 30, 2012
    Like this thread Isabella, in exactly the same place here. Not sure what to do either.....
  4. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    hi and welcome to TP, mater only goes out with me shopping so I know her pin No's, other than that, I buy and she pays me back.
  5. Concerned J

    Concerned J Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    You may have read my recent post about my Mum having her card snatched. She writes her PIN in her diary which comes out every time she's at the cash point.
    I suggested that she let my Uncle have the PIN and let him withdraw cash for her. "Great Idea" they both agree.
    When the new card arrived I asked if Mum Have given Uncle the PIN at which she got extremely annoyed, said she knew it and then threw her diary at me!!
    I just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I do have access to her account online so I'm able to make sure there's no excess cash in her current account
  6. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    After the last set of lost cards I asked my Mum to work with cash only. I see her every day so that was easy. Much harder if you live further away. I used the POA to get a bank card in my name for Mums account. I now get her cash, pay her bills, check the statements etc. This also stopped her spending hundreds every month on "miracle" cures for arthritis and memory loss. She has cupboards full of this stuff.

    This works for us but Im stumped how you can do this from a distance. Any family closer by?
  7. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    Northern Ireland
    Hi Quilty... Lots of family much closer by but they will only crawl out of the woodwork when its time for the will to be read (Sorry if I sound a tad cynical). Aunty is my mum's sister and they were both hewn from the same rock - stubborn, opinionated, strong willed and convinced there's nothing wrong with them but rather everything that happens is someone else's fault. Rant over!!!
    When I get the POA paperwork through and I get a card for the account will my aunt know I have the card. On one hand she wants my help to manage her affairs but on the other hand she's very paranoid about "my money being taken".
    I've tried to talk her into dealing in cash only but to no avail but she does keep large sums of cash in the house. I know none of this makes sense. I've no idea why she needs to use a card when she has the cash yet she does.
  8. random040404

    random040404 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    When my card came through for dad's account it was sent to me so he doesn't know. However, the PIN was sent to him so it was just a case of intercepting the post but that may be a bit trickier for you.

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