1. Cjoy

    Cjoy Registered User

    Jan 9, 2017
    7
    I’ve previously posted about my mum and her dog and the advice was to try to do something to enable the dog to stay with my mum. My mum lives on her own. Unfortunately, although I arranged a dog walker to come round twice a day to walk the dog and feed her and check water, my mum is sometimes refusing to let the dog walker in or to walk the dog. On more than 1 occasion when she has done this I have found the dog has no water. Any suggestions welcome.

    My next problem is my mums neighbour. We have had issues with her before. She doesn’t think there is anything wrong with my mum, and accosts the carers that come to give my mum her medications. She tells them there is nothing wrong with mum and that I am trying to put my mum into a home. This week my mum had been allocated another day care place, but when transport arrived, she went out from her house and told them my mum didn’t go to daycare on that day. As a result my mum refused to go. Social work have spoken to her twice to tell her to back off, but she clearly thinks that she is right, and that me and my family, social work, and the go and psychiatrist are wrong.
    My poor mum is being fed all this negative stuff about care homes and about me.

    Honestly this role is so hard without a more or less complete stranger thinking they know best (she has only been a neighbour for 4 years, and my mum never liked her before the dementia got a grip). We have tried speaking to her but she doesn’t believe a word we say.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,712
    Female
    South coast
    Could the carers check to make sure the dog has water?
    I hate to say it, but I have a feeling that the dog may have to be re-homed soon.

    I dont know what to suggest about the neighbour - a pity she cant be re-homed too!!
     
  3. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,768
    Female
    It does look as if you may be getting to the point where the dog will need to be rehomed, if your mother won't let others tend to its basic needs.

    It sounds as if the neighbour may have dementia herself, or another mental health issue. It is very odd behaviour. If SS have warned her and it has made no difference it's unlikely you will be able to change her behaviour.
     
  4. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,598
    That was my first thought @Sirena it certainly sounds likely.
     
  5. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,047
    I agree, it sounds like the neighbour has a mental health problem. My mother-in-law was like this, to an extent, before the dementia diagnosis, she had a personality disorder. Telling her she's wrong, of course, won't make any difference. No magic answers I'm afraid
     
  6. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    394
    Female
    Could you have several dishes of water around maybe in other rooms that the dog goes in? When your mum doesn't let the dogwalker in does she let it outside for toilet visits? If so a bowl of water could be left there as well. What about food though? If you are unable to provide for its basic needs then maybe it is kinder to try rehoming her. It's sad I know.
    I don't know what to suggest about the neighbour other than giving her a little thing to be responsible for like putting the dustbin out on collection day for example in the hope it might divert her attention from interfering in other things. Does sound very odd though.
     
  7. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    904
    Male
    North West

    I'm just curious has your mum become friends with this neighbour, even though you say in the past your mum didn't like her and if she has what stories does she tell when your not present? I'd be very careful to pass judgement when your not able to say for certain what is actually happening. Mum has become friends with a neighbour she has never liked, unbeknown to me and the tales she has told!

    I have to say on no account would I allow my mother to have a pet. She would not look after its needs as much as she loves animals, she would simply forget and the poor animal would both starve and become dehydrated.
     
  8. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    There are several different types of water bowls that have a tank set up which releases water as the dog uses it. They are not expensive and can last several days depending on size of the tank and the water requirements of the dog. It might be a temporary solution till you can get something sorted out.

    Does the neighbour have close relatives? It is not likely but they might be able to help. Certainly worth a try.
     
  9. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,768
    Female
    The water bowl with tank is a good idea, but I suspect it will be a case of solving one problem only to find another. Will the mother accept it, or will it look 'odd' and be removed? Is the dog being fed reliably? He definitely isn't being walked if the dog walker is turned away.
     
  10. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    507
    Female
    High Peak
    I agree about getting the dog one of the water fountain devices that hold plenty.

    Re. the neighbour, you could get a solicitor to send her a letter asking her to desist from further interference/involvement with your mum. If she ignores that then she clearly has her own issues...
     
  11. Jilly606

    Jilly606 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2017
    27
    Great idea about the water tank, you can also get something similar to dispense food, I’m sure you’ll visiting before either run out so you can keep topping up. Rehoming I think should be a last resort, the comfort you’re mum will be receiving from a pet will be so rewarding for her right now and the sudden disappearance with rehoming May make her worse.
    The neighbour sounds like you need to speak to her family and ask for their support they may be surprised and not be aware there could be something wrong with her.
     
  12. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,984
    Suffolk
    In my opinion where someone is not feeding, watering or exercising a dog, rehoming is a first resort.
    Maybe replace with one of those toy dogs which are very similar to the real thing.
     
  13. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    394
    Female
    I did think of the water fountain suggestion, we got one for our cat. Don't know if all the same but it had to be plugged in electric socket & gives off a humming sound. Wondered if you're mum might switch it off?
     
  14. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,768
    Female
    @Moggymad My mother tended to switch off electric devices at the wall, so yes that's possible. It is also possible she will have no idea what the water fountain is, and dispose of it. If my mother didn't recognise something as being familiar she would remove it.

    @Cjoy If the dog doesn't get walked, does your mother at least let into the garden whenever required? How much of a problem this all is depends on how often the 'sometimes' is - how often does the dog walker fail to gain access?

    I agree that it is preferable that mum keeps the dog - my mother had a beloved cat and I would not have separated them unless the cat's welfare was at stake. Fortunately by the time my mother couldn't cope, she allowed carers in who also took care of the cat.
     
  15. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    507
    Female
    High Peak
    [​IMG]

    This type doesn't need to be plugged in. About £7 on eBay (various models are available and other web sites of course...)
     

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