Can people with Alzheimer’s be deliberately obstructive and unco-operative including ignoring people that talk to them? My husband has been all three today. He can be sweetness and light to others but as soon as we are alone he can be difficult. I know he has heard what I have said but he chooses to ignore me if it is something he doesn’t want to hear. Does anyone else have a similar problem?
Particularly trying day
- Thread starter Alison N
- Start date
There is “hosting”, a PWD can become polite, gracious and appear “normal” with outsiders. People may not believe that they have dementia, so good are they at communicating. However it’s tiring and as soon as the outsiders leave they revert to their usual behaviour.
Host/hostess mode has already been mentioned but it is fleeting and, as stated, we can suffer the consequences of the effort it takes out of the PWD.
To look beyond that think about your OH's ability to conceive of a plan, plot the result required, remember said plan and put it into action. All of this may be required to execute a deliberate course of action. Would someone with Alzheimer's be able to do all that? I am inclined to think they wouldn't have been diagnosed if they could do all that.
That's not to say that their 'thoughtless' and unplanned actions can't cause an emotional battering. I'm suffering in this way at the moment at the hands of my wife but I know it's not deliberate and I will spring back into caring mode as soon as I get over my emotional bruises.
I know it's tough. I've shed many a tear when my wife's tucked up in bed and I'm alone. TP is always here for you, and me!
Hello @Alison N
There are many here on TP who will identify with your post and I`m another. There`s no rhyme or reason and this behaviour hurts , especially when we are doing everything we can to make lives as good as possible for our people with dementia.
I`m another who felt I didn`t deserve these behaviours but then my husband didn`t deserve dementia.
I`m sorry. I know it doesn`t help to know this.
There are many here on TP who will identify with your post and I`m another. There`s no rhyme or reason and this behaviour hurts , especially when we are doing everything we can to make lives as good as possible for our people with dementia.
I`m another who felt I didn`t deserve these behaviours but then my husband didn`t deserve dementia.
I`m sorry. I know it doesn`t help to know this.
My OH has trouble working out what I say to him (even if its only "would you like some coffee?) and has to think about it. I get annoyed because he never gives me any indication that he has heard what I have said, but I know that, actually, he cant respond at all until his brain has worked it out. And if I say too much at once, he gets confused and just mentally switches off.
The brain is incredibly complex and when disrupted by Alzheimer's even moreso So behaviour stems from a need to communicate and if you no longer possess the 'natural' tools to carry out that process, behaviour changes and is difficult to interpret. Alzheimer's seems to have a way of enhancing the body language or tone of voice given out by another, in as much as that alone can trigger a contrary reaction. As to 'deliberate', then one looks to previous personality traits. Did this happen before? Somewhere deep down inside, the actual person exists, but dementia damages the brain's ability to formulate as we can do as matter of course. This is why a bout of anger or aggression can often simply melt away as if it never happened in dementia world.
My late mother had an 'off the wall' event' with me in the car. I had to drive like a madman to the surgery as she struggled to get out of the car. Within seconds of entering the surgery, there was a complete transformation. "Hello, Mrs XX how are you today?" "Oh, very well thank you, doctor". All smiles and seemingly nothing really up at all.
Dementia world.
Its funny some days are good others very bad. Today I lost my temper so quickly with my husband with altzeimers. It seems they forget the good things you do. I cant seem.to keep calm.
