I am ashamed of myself. My lovely piglet got it into her head that I was not telling her the truth about going to see the doctor. That is i was down playing ( in her mind) how bad my COPD is.( i'm not it's very mild) She thinks I'm not teeling so as to not worry her. Well she wouldn't listern to reason, in fact wouldn't listern at all, and I lost my temper and shouted at her just to try and get through. This was at about 6.30 tonight. By 8.30 she appeared t have completely forgotten anything happened. Wish I could. Sometimes think it would be nice to have a blank brain.
paranoia ?
- Thread starter tonebear
- Start date
Do not be ashamed my friend, I know easier said than done though methinks but you are a human being with the same fragilities as any of us. At the outset of our journey together me and mum had some right ding-dongs, when I reflect back there is a lot of cringing on my part - even with my clinical background & experience it was easy for us both to get frustrated. I often felt guilty about the day's outcomes but knew if I let it weigh me down it'd impact on the next day... consequently I tended to compartmentalise difficult episodes (but I still get a bit of occasional seepage now and again). Heart goes out to you on this one 💚
Don’t berate yourself, Tonebear. This seems to happen every day with me - I lose my patience late afternoon and often end up sniping at OH for next to nothing. Feel bad afterwards but he has very soon forgotten.
I had a challenging day yesterday, @tonebear
Our usual walk was going well until we were heading home. My mum was telling me about something that had happened (complete gobbledegook as usual), I was giving my stock answers - "did they? - oh, I see.".
Then I had to interrupt (we had to move out of the way for someone). Well that flipped her into a terrible mood!
On the walk home she was very vocal, she didn't mind who heard! - "I hate you - why don't you die!" "Go on, fall on your horrible face you evil.......!" As I was not giving anything back (I was in my mind 😉), I got (very loud), "OH LOOK, IT'S JESUS, LOOK EVERYONE!"
I was doing very well until we got nearly home. She stood on the other side of the street and just wouldn't come in.
After 10 minutes of this I'd had enough (I was desperate for a pee and a cup of tea, she would have needed a drink too), walked over to her and said (quietly so the neighbours wouldn't hear) "Get in the ****ing house now, you ****"
I'm not proud of it, but it worked.
In the early days I would have been mortified by my reaction, but as @Eddcorner says, the guilt would just weigh one down the next day.
A particularly bad day, but I know how difficult this journey is, and I'm normally such a nice chap, so I'm gonna forgive myself - my mum as well, of course, as she's got a degenerative brain disease.
Our usual walk was going well until we were heading home. My mum was telling me about something that had happened (complete gobbledegook as usual), I was giving my stock answers - "did they? - oh, I see.".
Then I had to interrupt (we had to move out of the way for someone). Well that flipped her into a terrible mood!
On the walk home she was very vocal, she didn't mind who heard! - "I hate you - why don't you die!" "Go on, fall on your horrible face you evil.......!" As I was not giving anything back (I was in my mind 😉), I got (very loud), "OH LOOK, IT'S JESUS, LOOK EVERYONE!"
I was doing very well until we got nearly home. She stood on the other side of the street and just wouldn't come in.
After 10 minutes of this I'd had enough (I was desperate for a pee and a cup of tea, she would have needed a drink too), walked over to her and said (quietly so the neighbours wouldn't hear) "Get in the ****ing house now, you ****"
I'm not proud of it, but it worked.
In the early days I would have been mortified by my reaction, but as @Eddcorner says, the guilt would just weigh one down the next day.
A particularly bad day, but I know how difficult this journey is, and I'm normally such a nice chap, so I'm gonna forgive myself - my mum as well, of course, as she's got a degenerative brain disease.
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Thanks for the unerstanding and thr story . The words you put in stars ara exactly what i said to piglet when she wouldn't listern to my explanation
I do keep telling myself that it's the disease but it doesn't stop the flustration.
It never does, I flip between feeling guilty and frustrated quite often but as aforementioned I try not to dwell (I know, I know haha) as mum can easily pick up on it and 'mirror'. More of a rarity these days as she doesn't give me time to think
I do hate the brain fog and at the beginning many of the things she said and did were quite hurtful but it was not her just symptoms of mum's progression You're a brave soul, the fact that you are having these feelings shows that you care.Similar threads
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