Packing to go 'home'

[Grable]

OH has now got a diagnosis of Alzheimer's, probably with Lewy Bodies, which could explain the delusions. Sometimes he's living in Oman, sometimes near Gordonstoun. at other times it's Lincolnshire. Meanwhile, I'm always in Dorset. He tells me he doesn't like living here. The advice from Admiral Nurses and others is not to argue about where we are - and I really am trying. However, we have boxes everywhere with things in them that he wants to take 'home'. An ex RAF officer, he's always been very confident and steadfast, so trying to distract him simply doesn't work. I've tried unpacking the boxes when he's not looking, but that, again, leads to an argument because I have to tell him the reason why - because we're home.
We've always had a peaceful relationship. Of course, we have had upsets and rows, but these have always been few and far between.
What on earth am I supposed to do now?

 

[canary]

Hello @Grable

I think the time has come for "love lies" and being creative about why he is here
As he is ex RAF, can you enter his world and come up with a "reason" relating to the time when he was in the RAF and you were probably moved around? I dont know the correct terminology to use, but perhaps you have both been placed there for a while and will be returning to base "next week"

 

[Anthoula]

OH has now got a diagnosis of Alzheimer's, probably with Lewy Bodies, which could explain the delusions. Sometimes he's living in Oman, sometimes near Gordonstoun. at other times it's Lincolnshire. Meanwhile, I'm always in Dorset. He tells me he doesn't like living here. The advice from Admiral Nurses and others is not to argue about where we are - and I really am trying. However, we have boxes everywhere with things in them that he wants to take 'home'. An ex RAF officer, he's always been very confident and steadfast, so trying to distract him simply doesn't work. I've tried unpacking the boxes when he's not looking, but that, again, leads to an argument because I have to tell him the reason why - because we're home.
We've always had a peaceful relationship. Of course, we have had upsets and rows, but these have always been few and far between.
What on earth am I supposed to do now?

I can so empathise with you my OH has driven me mad this week, continually emptying drawers etc. to pack things because he`s leaving, and going to his "folks" home - in Zimbabwe which he is adamant is only a few miles away ( more like 5000+). I`ve simply exhausted my brain of love lies and excuses to try and persuade him away from the notion.

 

[jay6]

Hi @Grable I agree with @canary, I think it's time for little white lies. Pretend you have been placed at this home for a while before the R.A.F. moves you both again. Not an easy thing to cope with.
Best of luck

 

[Grable]

Thanks for the advice. It's so difficult, isn't it, when a relationship has been based on trust and honesty?

 

[canary]

It's so difficult, isn't it, when a relationship has been based on trust and honesty?

Yes it is difficult, but when dementia comes along and they are unable to understand the reality of their situation, they do not recognise honesty and actually think you are lying. You cant bring them back to reality, so you have to enter their world