Philosophical Ramblings - Warning may be too deep and bizarre for some This is just one perspective on what I think carer's anger may stem from, feel free to come up with your own.... So many of us caring for loved ones with dementia hate ourselves for getting angry with our loved ones when we know, we know oh we know, we know sooo well that its not them its the disease, so what do we do? We get angry at ourselves for being angry and then we are just angry grumpy bums all the time, and that just makes us angrier! One might start to laugh hysterically about it and then end up in similarly hysterical tears if one thinks about it all too much! Its ridiculous, so why do we do it? This is my guess. Anger is our brain's way of coping with this. Our brain like our loved one's is taking control, despite what our heart tells us we should be doing. Unlike our loved one's brain's manner of taking control, our brain in our case is doing this to protect us. (Theirs is malfunctioning, ours is doing what it is programmed to do) Can you think about what this disease truly means, can you truly imagine all the things that are going to come from this experience? My guess is you can't, not really and if you can then you are really struggling to cope because your brain is no longer protecting you with denial and anger. I know my Dad is going to go through unimaginable hell in the coming years and I know I am going to be in pain throughout too, but I really can't truly imagine it and if I try, my brain immediately tries to make me stop thinking about it, and quite rightly so, because what good is it that i not only go through the pain when it happens but think about it coming as well? When we get angry about this I suspect its what our brain does as a last resort, we get angry at times when this disease is right in our face, we can't deny, our brain can't just try to make us think about other things, so it decides to release the angry chemicals, because it knows to do otherwise is inviting disaster. Our brain knows, in its subconscious that well turned phrase 'you can't handle the truth', (say it with an American accent, its more fun that way ) so anger is its last resort diversionary tactic. So next time you get angry at your loved one, and get angry at yourself for being angry, realise that you too just like your loved one has an excuse in a way for this behaviour. Just like your loved one, your brain is making you do this! Conscious logic is no match for what the subconscious thinks is necessary. Take a deep breath and walk away from the situation (if thats possible) your brain will stop freaking out that you nearly threw yourself over the cliff of true realisation and will stop firing off the angry chemicals in its attempt to divert you from what it sees as emotional suicide. Anyway thats what I suspect all this anger stems from, I could be completely wrong, but thought some might feel relieved to think that perhaps they're not the horrible monsters they believe themselves to be but are instead in possession of a brain that is doing the best it can to protect itself in this situation. Also, recognise that sometimes our brain fails in this protection, I and a few others I know on here fell into the deep chasm of a 'depression' (I don't like that word) of sorts that comes immediately after you do fall over that reality cliff. So do try and protect yourself from this, because its a terribly long way to fall and very dark down there, but also know that although your brain failed you once, it will try to find a way out for you eventually. Talking Point may just be the rope it was looking for.