Okay, it's happened.

[Gill W]

Brief update.

Mum text earlier to let me know that Gran's consultant thinks that she should now be in care. PROGRESS!!

The Social Worker took details and said she'd have to pass it up the line to the 'decision makers' above her, and funding would have to be passed, so nothing will happen very quickly.

Progress is progress is progress I guess.

I'll know more tomorrow when I catch up with mum properly.

Gill
XX

 

[Skye]

Definitely sounds like progress, Gill. Let's hope the 'decision makers' get on with it quickly. But what happens in the meantime? Are they going to provide more care?

Love,

 

[Gill W]

Hi Hazel,

I'm not sure to be honest, at this stage. I advised mum to ask about the Watch Me system, but not sure if she did or not. I've left mum to chill out a bit, I could sense she was tired and wanted nothing more than to have a hot bath and relax.

She'll tell me tomorrow what exactly was said and by whom, have no fear.

Gill
XX

 

[Skye]

Good for you to let your mum have some me-time. I'm sure you'll get something sorted.

Keep us posted.

Love,

 

[Gill W]

Sorry I've taken so long.

An update on events with Gran.

Last Thursday, Gran had an appointment with SS & then her consultant at the hospital.

Firstly, Social Services sent a new person out that Mum hadn't encountered before, & was starting to feel a bit fobbed off again. She spoke at length about Gran going on the wander, & the scorch marks in the microwave, & the meals being found charred under the grill, etc etc.

A month ago, we asked if someone would be able to go to Gran at lunchtimes, on the days we can't be with her, to make sure her meal is eaten. SS refused, on the grounds that we use a private enterprise to make & deliver her meals. SS have now, all of a sudden, decided that someone can go in after all!!! If its possible now, why the heck was it not possible before????? Perhaps the man who came for SS was deaf & didn't hear us when we told him what problems we were having? Perhaps he was just being awkward? Who knows? We now have a carer going in at 1.30p.m every day to ensure her meal has been warmed safely & eaten!

The lady that came listened patiently to mum regarding Gran going walkabout the other week. She was of the opinion that it was unlikely that Gran would wander again, because Gran said that she wouldn't!!!! Mum stated that Gran's GP had informed her that once the wandering starts it is unlikely to stop. Still she wouldn't give in that things need changing.

So, on we go to Gran's consultant. Mr Cooper was very tactful with Gran. He told her that he had had a letter from her GP who was now very worried about her safety, & explained to Gran that, for some time now, he had been doing everything within his power to keep her in her own home, but that he now thought the time had come where Gran had to accept that she now needs to be in a residential home. He asked her how she would feel if she had heard of an elderly lady who had been left to wander the streets at night, would she not consider that that lady would be in need of some more help? Gran said "Oh, yes, that would be awful for her, who was that then? Was it someone I know?".

He then explained to mum that he has weekly meetings with SS regarding his dementia patients, & who had crept up the list for needing specialist care. He told mum that Gran is now a priority on his list, but that his hands are tied with funding.

So! We have now got people to listen, & to understand that we are not trying to pass the buck & shove care for Gran on to someone else's shoulders just because we can't be bothered about her.

Mum has told SS that she would like them to look at Care Homes in my locality, so that Gran will be nearer to us, & we can all share the care for her from here, which will be so much easier for all of us. They have agreed that they will do so, but warned us not to rush into putting her into one as it could turn out to be very expensive. We hadn't intended to do so, we have yet to get Gran to accept that we will be with her every day, but at least they were considerate on that score.

I can't say that we are victorious in our quest for help, because I still have a sense that somewhere along the line the wheels will come off & SS will find some way of ducking out of helping us. But for now we have advanced.

HALLELUJAH!!!

Gill
XX

 

[Grannie G]

Good news Gill. You haven`t got there yet, but you`re well on the way. Thank you for the update, it was well worth waiting for.
With love

 

[Skye]

Great news, Gill. I don't see that SS can back out now, especially with the consultant behind you.

Let's hope they don't take too long. Keep us posted.

Love,

 

[Gill W]

I sure will, thanks everyone.

I just noticed that my post from yesterday was duplicated for some reason, but I don't think I could get away with the phrase "it wasn't me, that's for sure" could I?

Losing it I think..... lol

Gill
XX

 

[Skye]

I just noticed that my post from yesterday was duplicated for some reason, but I don't think I could get away with the phrase "it wasn't me, that's for sure" could I?

Course you could Gill. 'Computer error' is an expression well known and used by financial institutions, utility companies, etc. We all know computers have minds of their own!

Love,

 

[Gill W]

Marvelous!

That's good, that's the excuse I shall use! I like the sound of that one!

 

[Margarita]

He then explained to mum that he has weekly meetings with SS regarding his dementia patients, & who had crept up the list for needing specialist care. He told mum that Gran is now a priority on his list, but that his hands are tied with funding.

So pleased to read the above , don’t worry about funding as they can not turn you down for funding , Do they say or recommend any home seeing that that are funding part or all of it ? so you know if its above they budget . if you don’t mind me asking

 

[Gill W]

Hi Margarita,

Nothing has been said so far about where they think is suitable fees-wise, but we've made them aware that we would like her down here with us, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

The home we've looked at is in the region of £450 a week, but it's not the only one in the area. It was just one that is very local to me, and I had picked it in order to take Mum for a look, so that she could see for herself what homes are like, and thereby reassure Gran that it isn't the old miserable grey-walled, wing-back chair kinda place she has in her mind.

I have no doubt that SS will check out all the homes in my area, and we'll go from there.

Hope to have news on that soon, and of course I don't mind you asking. I've asked plenty of questions of people in here.

Gill
XX

 

[Margarita]

Thats not bad , as I know the nurseing home near me are around £1200 a week .

Not sure what care home cost around my eara as we do not have any , but they are cheaper then nursring home , I would say

reassure Gran that it isn't the old miserable grey-walled, wing-back chair kinda place she has in her mind.

I know my mother and even I had that image in our minds, when mum went to her first respite, my mother been to a few respite home in the last year and only one had a smell of urine when you walk in , mind you mum went in there twice , but the staff and in the side building was really good, the good home are always book up for respite one with the good staff , I find its the staff that make the home

I know now what one I want my mother to go to if she does go very down , you all know what I mean , it would be 2 new nursing home near me ,

 

[Gill W]

Margarita,

I think everyone is in the same boat as regards the choice of home. The biggest difficulty we're going to have with Gran is that she keeps changing her mind. One day she'll tell us that she wishes she could be somewhere where there are people for her to talk to, or even just look at, and other days she "ooph"s at the thought of having to go into one.

Last week for example was the same. The consultant was ever so gentle with her, and buttered it all up for her, but she still wrinkled her little nose and curled her lip at the thought of going into a care home. She won't accept that we will be able to see more of her if she was nearer to us, and that we wouldn't forget about her if she was in a home. We try every time to reassure her that we want the best for her, and that we will be able to do lots of things with her if she were just near us. Bless her, her reply is always, "well you come here and live with me then, that'd be better".

I have a friend who has worked with MID patients and patients with Dementia, and she has given me some ideas about what we should look for in a home, e.g sniff the air when you get inside, as talc smells usually mask something else. (I believe someone also said that in another thread on here.) She also suggested, as I have also seen in another thread, that we keep popping into local homes on a regular unannounced basis, to see what is going on when the staff are not expecting anyone to call, that sort of thing.

To be honest, I dread the whole procedure, my Gran is the last of my Grandparents, and is the first of any of them to live this long and require care to this degree. We've waited so patiently (although not without complaint) for this time to come round. Now the time is approaching, and I know Mum is grief stricken at the thoughts that Gran has.

Does anyone know if we are allowed to refuse to put Gran in a particular home, if SS suggest it just because its the cheaper option available? I would hate to put her somewhere just because it was cheaper and for the standard of care to be sadly lacking? What are our options as far as this goes?

Gill
XX

 

[Gill W]

Wander number two

Hi all,

Quick update, as I've not posted much lately, things seem to have been calm for a while. Then things go wrong again.

Gran went on the wander again Friday evening, in bare feet and with no coat on. She managed to get about half a mile away from her home, and fortunately a caring individual intercepted her and managed to get her home.

So. Now SS finally agree that the 'Watch Me' system someone mentioned to me on here would be a good idea. Why is it that they always make their own decisions about things, and don't take any notice of the people who do the caring and see everything going wrong?

So much for their opinion that the wandering a couple of weeks ago was more likely to be a one off! Just exactly WHAT do these people know about AD? Do they actually have any knowledge at all about this disease? I am so mad, I can hardly speak at the moment. It seems to me, they're literally waiting for a catastrophe to happen before Gran is considered a priority. I am guiltily wishing I wasn't a mother of two young boys so that I could up sticks and go live with her til they take notice and do something for her!! Mum is frantic with worry and is just about tearing her hair out trying to make things better for Gran.

Can anyone tell me who I need to speak to about what I consider to be the shoddy treatment Gran has had from SS please? They have delayed and delayed with things, refused lunchtime help then all of a sudden allowed it, refused us someon to help bath her, when Mum and me are both partially disabled ourselves. And when she wandered off in the middle of the night the only thing they could say was "it was probably a one off, and she won't do it again. She'll know now that it's not sensible to be out at that time of night." My lord, these people need some educating in my opinion.

Gill
XX

 

[Skye]

And when she wandered off in the middle of the night the only thing they could say was "it was probably a one off, and she won't do it again. She'll know now that it's not sensible to be out at that time of night." My lord, these people need some educating in my opinion.

Hi Gill

I'm not surprised you're hopping mad. That statement absolutely defies belief.

I can't offer any advice, but hopefully others with more experience will.

Just sending lots of sympathy and hugs.

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Gill,

If you wish to complain about the treatment your gran has had, just put it in writing and send it to the main/head office `Complaints Dept`.

That`s what I did when I was unhappy with my mother`s Social Worker and it got results. No magic wand was waved, but the Social Worker became much more efficient in sorting things out. I think she thought, because I was always on hand, my mother wasn`t a priority.

Make sure you keep a copy of the letter.

Good luck, you deserve it.

With love

 

[Margarita]

Yes I would also put it all in writing & tell SW that your going to make a complaint. For me I know as soon as I mention to my brother support worker that I am going to make a formal complaint if the issue is not resolved , They seem to get they finger out more sooner

." My lord, these people need some educating in my opinion.

Yes they sure do , and all they can say is lack of funding , well they don't tell me that no more , because they no I would complain .

 

[Gill W]

Thanks Sylvia, and Hazel.

I am absolutely fuming at the moment, I don't know where to start with them. It just seems like when we ask for something to be done, it can't be because......there's always some damned excuse for them not doing anything. Like this lunchtime meal business. One month they wouldn't do anything because it was a privately made meal, then a month later, all of a sudden they can let someone come in! So how could they not have done so a month beforehand then? Gran going walkabout changed it, but it was still a privately made meal.

Details of this episode are sketchy. Apparently a man found Gran in the street half a mile from home, and she couldn't remember where she lived, so he had to look in her handbag for some clues. He happened across the telephone number of the lady who used to arrange for her to go to her Lunch Club on a wednesday, rang her and got Gran's address. The scary bit is that that man could have been someone cold and calculating, and anything could have happened to her. She could have been robbed, attacked, anything, and still SS are in no hurry to look after her. Thankfully that wasn't the case, but what do we do if it ever does happen? Mum says that SS mentioned the Watch Me system, so she must've rung them over the weekend, but she then said that they will have to be informed on monday, so I'm not sure quite what the situation is there.

The direction Gran has headed in was up to the high street shops that she used to shop at when she was able. We thought that she may have gone to look for her house that she insists she still has furniture in, the house my mum grew up in, but its in completely the opposite direction. Lord knows where she's been going, and she doesn't remember a thing about it. When we went to see her on Tuesday of last week, she was plasterd in make up like a little china doll, inches thick, like she's never worn it before. She told us she was going on the 'ladies afternoon drive', something that neither mum nor I could make head nor tail of. She has never been on anything like this in her life, so we couldn't even begin to equate it to anything. If we hadn't have turned up when we did, perhaps she'd have been away out the door then, too??!! Who knows what goes on.

To be told by SS that the first episode was probably a one off was astounding to me. It clearly indicated that these social workers have absolutely no understanding of this disease whatsoever, either that or they really would rather ignore these dangers because it means paperwork for them. I have a few choice things to say to the appropriate person when I find out who I need to talk to, and some of it won't be repeatable. I just cannot express how irresponsible they appear to be for a government body that are meant to be there to protect the vulnerable. We have heard nothing of any progress on getting Gran into a Care Home, not a word has been said since the ball was allegedly set rolling. One way or another, they will set the ball rolling, or I would like to see heads roll.

We have a phrase up north that says "I'm bouncing" which describes total fury. I am currently bouncing off walls here, with the irritation I feel.

I'll calm down eventually. I hope.

Gill
XX

 

[Gill W]

In addition to the other questions I posed here earlier, does anyone have a link to somewhere where I might find some more information about the Watch Me system that's been mentioned? I understand the principles of it, but would like to know more about it, so that I can give mum some insight, so that she can let SS know that we are clued up on what they can and can't do.

I intend to do a Google search but no doubt this will throw up thousands of links and I usually have to sit for hours and trawl through them all. With 3 prolapsed discs in my lower spine I find it difficult to do. Speeding up of the process would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Gill
XX