1. jude1950

    jude1950 Registered User

    Mar 23, 2006
    Hello all just a thought especially to those members who have Husband/ Wife/or partmer in ful time residential care.
    I have thought long and hard about this and if I were to be asked what would have a comforting and calming effect for my husband when he is most distressed would be for me to lay down next to him and hold him close.. After years of being together the seperation when they have to go into care is stressful for both carer and patient I know that my head nestles on my husbands shoulder perfectly because years of practice and instinct means he extends his arm at just the right arc to cradle my head, similarly when we lay side by side our bodies intertwine and form our own comforting shape. I am not suggesting that all rooms have double beds nor that we need to be undressed but space to lay together would be nice!! what do other members think
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Jude, I do know where you are coming from.

    I did try to lie alongside Lionel sometimes, when he first went into the home. Unfortunately now he needs a special air mattress, calibrated to his weight, and of course cot side bars.

    His body is always in the feotal position, so would just not be possible.

    It is so hard sometimes, and it would be nice to turn the clock back to better days.;)
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Jude, I do so agree.

    Last night when John was very distressed I tried to lie down beside him, but it was impossible. He's on an air mattress too, and there was no way I could balance on the edge.

    I ended up on my knees on the floor beside him, trying to cuddle him -- which didn't do a lot for my neck!

    I can't see us getting it though!:(
  4. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    There was an extended period of about 3 years when Jan could only be in a padded room during the day, to protect her from crawling into walls.

    The advantage of this was that I would visit and crawl with her.

    Sometimes she would be tired and I would put my arm around her shoulders and we would lie on our backs for the whole visit. Sometimes we even fell asleep like that.

    I look back and wish we could do it now.

    These days, she is in her chair when I visit, and the 'soft room' is no longer used. Sometimes we simply hold hands and doze together.

    Goodness knows what the care staff think!

    For me - time well spent!
  5. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Lovely thought..

    Hello Jude,

    That is a lovely idea.

    Eric is still at home with me..we have 2 bedrooms..he sleeps in one...
    I sleep in the other...:(

    When we have visitors we sleep together..but it doesn't really work these days..:(

    Neither of us sleeps well.And Eric does not want to be cuddled..

    In my heart I want to cradle Eric and take away his confusion and pain..

    He won't let me be that close any more.

    But I understand the need for those of you who would gain comfort from that..

    Love gigi xx
  6. CYN

    CYN Registered User

    Jan 4, 2008
    east sussex
    When my husband was in hospital for assessment i would sometimes lay on his bed and have a cuddle, he was in a single room.

    Later that year when he was home and in his own bedroom a friend came to stay and i thought he would enjoy me sleeping with him, mistake, he threw the duvet off me in the early hours and told me to get out of HIS bed.....well i spent the rest of the night on a recliner in the sitting room,and so i was never to share a bed with him again. This was a man who had been very cuddly if you know what i mean;)when he was in the N H his bed was a single with cot sides but i always took one side down so i could get closer for a kiss and cuddle.

  7. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands

    That's exactly how it is with us..

    I disrupt his sleep...:rolleyes:

    I snore, move, scratch..:)eek:)

    Eric goes to bed..goes to sleep..and wakes up in the same position he went to sleep..

    Having slept through the greater part of the day..he manages, usually, 7 hours solid sleep a night..:rolleyes:

    This cannot be "normal"..but Eric appears to thrive on it.

    Love gigi xx
  8. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    When Peter first went into N.H. I would rest along side him.
    As he deteriorated and did not recongise me, he would just walk out of the room and walk the corridors.
    Sleeping in the double bed at home, I could not do that and for quite a few months slept on the settee.
    Now I sleep across the bed if you can possibly imagine the scene.
    I did consider getting rid of the bed and replacing it with a single but when Grandchildren like to sleep in my bed when they sleep over.The funny thing is, how can one child take up so much room?
    So I normally come down and sleep on the settee.
    Oh to have a good night sleep in a single or double would be ideal.
  9. jude1950

    jude1950 Registered User

    Mar 23, 2006
    We also slept in seperate rooms because of ny Rheumatoid arthritis I just could not get comfortable sleeping together. But we used to lay on a bed together sometimes for an afternoon nap other times when Jim was particularly agitated it would calm him down and for whatever reason he always seemed to have more lucid thoughts and was able to express himself better when in this calm enviroment. The Home where he is have taken on board my thoughts and are making a Snoozelem toom available for relaxation and therapy for all patients I have also suggested that instead of all single chairs on the unit there would be a case for having settees also available.Touch is an important part of out senses and I feel that it is possibly the best one for reaching the people we care for wether we are caring for parents family or partners......Just a thought.

  10. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Jude, I have thought the same for my mother - not just for the purpose of having someone cuddle her. After years of sleeping alone in a double bed - the transition to a hospital style bed in the NH means she must have cot sides (she's a bit of a wriggler!) ... if she were in a low double divan as she is used to at home there would be no need for her to be 'fenced in' (sorry but that's how it feels) .. and as she is slowly regaining some mobility would allow her some independence in getting into and out of bed .....

    Probably totally impractical for all sorts of reasons, just me struggling to adjust to seeing her in her new environment,

    Love, Karen, x
  11. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Cuddling and being close is a wonderful thing.
    We had a double bed, and right until the end, until Peg went into a NH,we were able to have a cuddle most nights.
    remember my wet pillow?
    Now that I do not have her anymore I think What I miss most of all is a litte cuddle and a bit iof affection.
    I do get virtual cuddles and that helps a little.

  12. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    I can still cuddle John, but he can't cuddle back!:(

    You're right, Norman. That's the hardest thing.

    Specially for you:

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