Nursing Home trauma!

[Kate P]

Hi,

I used to be registered on here as Kate P but I just couldn't get back on as that so here I am now as Kate Pl!!!

Quick update - mum has FTD, has gone down hill very, very quickly. Dad has asked me to start looking at Nursing Homes for him but there are only 3 in our area who will consider her due to her age!! (she's 61). I'm a bit shocked really.

Anyway, I'm visiting said homes tomorrow and was looking for some advice on what I should be looking for and what are the important questions I should be asking.

Hope you are all well and hopefully will be able to catch up with all your news soon.

 

[terry999]

Hi Kate

My mum just has to wander, she walks far more than the other sufferers; so I choose the current home partly becuase the corridors are so long - she wouldn't be caged in.

IMO the staff are the most important thing.

 

[Mameeskye]

Hi Kate

Its funny. I was just wondering last week how you were getting on. Hope you are fit and well.

Here's a link to the AZ society leaflet about choosing a carehome. it gives you ideas of the type of things to look at.

http://alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/476

I would also say that we found the attitude of the manager at the time very insightful. Where there were problems with when we could see the home it scared us. The pop in any time attitude helped. You didn't feel like they were "preparing" for you.
Although you may have to schedule a meeting for an initial discussion.

Also how much they asked about "Mum the person" as opposed to "mum the case"! How they reacted when we asked about visiting, dogs, children etc. Nothing was a problem although some safeguards were advised but they were generally for us rather than Mum! Also the home would have been happy if Mum had been a bit fitter to have allowed her dog to stay with her too. To me that spoke volumes.

Also from looking at child-minders/carehomes/kid's nurseries while you look for cleanliness, the perfect environment etc. do not be afraid to also trust your gut instinct. Sometimes things have looked fine but my gut reaction is "NO".

I am glad that after your Dad's initial problems with acceptance that he is considering this route. It is a real wrench but for all your family it can be a blessing in disguise as it increases the quality time you can spend rather than being exhausted with caring and not having anything left to give.

((((hugs)))

Love

Mameeskye

 

[jenniferpa]

Kate - glad to see you back!

TinaT wrote a post that I have bookmarked because it was so useful

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/showpost.php?p=126120&postcount=91

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Kate

Good to see you back on line but sorry about your mothers downslide.
I hope you manage to find a good home for your mother although it probably will be difficult for you to see her in an environment with people so much older.

Love xx

 

[roundy]

Hi Kate.
Am in southport,mum is due to go in a home any minute,we looked everywhere and if your 85or over you have loads to choose from but I didnt want mum sat there with her chin on her chest so I went outside my area and found a young dementia unit in St Helens,in my opinion,it is perfect for mum as we are telling her she is going into a private hospital and thats what this one looks like, I know they only have a couple of beds left and it is very expensive so funding might be an issue but it might be worth a look!
Ask everything that comes into your head,no matter how silly you might think it is!
Love Lisa.xx

 

[Skye]

Hi Kate, welcome back!

Like Mameeskye. I'd rely on gut instinct.

Are the sdtaff friendly? Do they look as if they're enjoying their work? Is there a happy atmosphere?

Let's face it, most people with dementia don't communicate much with each other, but will relate to their carers. If there is a happy atmosphere, there's less likely to be a rapid turnover.

The buildings do matter, we all like to see our loved ones in pleasant surroundings, with a cheerful room and nice gardens. But these can only be appreciated for so long. It's so much more important for you to feel you can get along with the staff.

 

[sue38]

Hi Kate,

I'm sorry to hear your mum has deteriorated. My dad went into a care home at the end of October. One thing I have noticed is that since he has been there we have rarely seen an unfamiliar face amongst the staff. I think it is very important that the staff get to know your mum, her likes and dislikes, what upsets her etc., and this is very difficult if there is a high staff turnover or overuse of agency staff.

One of the most important questions to ask of the senior member of staff who will no doubt talk to you is to ask is how long he/she has worked there. This can be phrased as a casual and polite question in conversation, but the answer can be very telling. The answer from the home we chose was 'only 8 years', whereas at another home the answer was 'since Tuesday' Then ask about other members of staff. A low staff turnover is also an indication that the staff themselves are happy with the way the home is run.

 

[Kate Pl]

Thanks so much for the advice everyone - it always helps to hear from those who've already been there.

It just feels so strange - a bit like this is all hapening to someone else - I think that's because I'm trying to detach the emotion to it and just go at it with my head.

I'm not doing so bad - ended up in hospital for a while before I had the baby and have had yet another monumental bout of post natal dperession that (thanksfully and sensibly!) I've accepted treatment for this time but it doesn't help does it?

Anyway, wish me luck and I'll let you know how I get on.

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Kate,

Wishing you all the best for looking at Nursing Homes.

Do hope you get over post natal depression soon.

Love you all
Christine

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Kate

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. I`m so sorry Post Ntal depression stopped you enjoying him to the full. I hope the help, helped.
Love xx

 

[jenniferpa]

Kate - there seems to be something odd going on with your account. The first post you made in this thread (despite saying you had had to reregister as Kate Pl was actually posted using your "old" user name of Kate P, then your subsequent post was made with the "new" ID.

It really doesn't make a bit of difference which one you use but be aware that the both do seem to be active.

 

[Brucie]

It really doesn't make a bit of difference which one you use

I'd suggest sticking to the original because that links all your posts together.

 

[Margarita]

I'm a bit shocked really.

That understandable. so sorry to read that your mother has progressed. Do hope you find a good nursing home for your mother.
I have Miss you around, On TP , thank for the update .