I am posting this message for my neighbor. His wife of 65 years was admitted to a nursing home 12 days ago. Marlene has dementia and it just became too difficult to care for her at home. The administrator at the home indicated that anyone who knows her should not visit for at least three weeks. Is this normal? They indicated she is not settling in very well. I tried to visit and was told she isn't allowed visitors. We are all very worried that she isn't being properly cared for. How do we know she is being cared for if we can't visit her?
Nursing home said family shouldn't visit
- Thread starter Annfaye
- Start date
When a person goes into care, its often suggestedthatrelatives dont visit- usually for2 weeks rather than 3.
its usually said its so the new resident learns to rely on the staff, rather than their visiting loved ones .
it is hard
One of the hardest things is trusting that they are caring for her. If they say she isnt settling very well, will they tell you (over the phone) where they are having difficulties? You say she was getting too difficult at home - things may have ramped up a bit more as she transitions into their care, and hope she settles down over time.
its usually said its so the new resident learns to rely on the staff, rather than their visiting loved ones .
it is hard
One of the hardest things is trusting that they are caring for her. If they say she isnt settling very well, will they tell you (over the phone) where they are having difficulties? You say she was getting too difficult at home - things may have ramped up a bit more as she transitions into their care, and hope she settles down over time.
Hello @Annfaye and welcome. When someone first goes into a care home it can be a difficult in terms of helping them to settle in and start to rely on the staff for their care, and also to get used to new surroundings and routines. Sometimes seeing family/friends can act as a 'trigger', a reminder of home which can cause upset or unsettle the person, however there does need to be a careful balancing act to also consider the family/loved ones who also need time to get used to the new situation and may well have concerns about care if they are not able to visit. A three week 'blanket ban' on visits does seem a little harsh but we don't know all of the circumstances.
From experience, care homes tend to prefer a single contact person to discuss care etc with, usually a close family member or someone who holds Lasting Power of Attorney, so will probably be reluctant to provide a neighbour with too much information. It's always better to raise any issues directly with the manager rather than administrators (who may not always give out the right/full information), and hopefully they would be able to explain the exact position and put your neighbour's husband's mind at rest about her care and how she is getting on. Would your neighbour's husband or another close family member be able to call and speak to the manager of the nursing home about their worries and ask about the visiting situation?
From experience, care homes tend to prefer a single contact person to discuss care etc with, usually a close family member or someone who holds Lasting Power of Attorney, so will probably be reluctant to provide a neighbour with too much information. It's always better to raise any issues directly with the manager rather than administrators (who may not always give out the right/full information), and hopefully they would be able to explain the exact position and put your neighbour's husband's mind at rest about her care and how she is getting on. Would your neighbour's husband or another close family member be able to call and speak to the manager of the nursing home about their worries and ask about the visiting situation?
Thank you for the response. Glad to hear that it is not unusual to restrict family visits. They don't provide Wally with a lot of details which is what he finds concerning.
Sorry I wasn't clear. I have not spoken with the individuals at the care home. I was just trying to get information for my neighbor Wally who does not use a computer. This is the first time in 65 years, outside of military service, that he has been away from his wife for two weeks. He is obviously very distressed and concerned that he can't see her. We have decided that we will have someone who doesn't know her, an RN friend, just go to the home to check on her to make sure it appears she is being taken care of and eating. He is calling ahead so they allow her to enter the room. With all the stories you hear of elder abuse I can understand why he is so concerned. Appreciate your response.
Hello @Annfaye thanks for adding a little more information. I do still think that it would be a good idea for Wally or a family member to speak with the manager and explain how distressed and concerned he is and ask for an update on his wife, or to be allowed to visit her. That wouldn't be unreasonable, as she has had no visits for almost 2 weeks now, and may help to put his mind at rest. Care homes do sometimes suggest that relatives/friends stay away for a little while when someone first moves into a home but they can't enforce this, they can only place restrictions on visiting as a last resort and should explain exactly what those reasons are (see attached link for details). Has the home agreed that they will allow someone who doesn't know Wally's wife into her room? If social services have been involved then it's also a good idea to speak to them to let them know about the situation, particularly as it is causing a lot of distress and concern. I hope that you manage to get this situation resolved soon.
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Visiting — Care Rights UK
Seeing someone you care about is so much more than a visit. It builds the bonds that hold families and friends together. It's an essential part of life for all of us.
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