Hi all, just joined the forum as we are fast becoming exasperated with my parents refusal to accept help, and I found some with similar situation on here.
Mum (86) diagnosed around 18 months ago with both Vascular and Alzheimer’s but we feel she has had memory issues for some time . Fiercely independent . Now totally deluded that she does everything but doesn’t. She is still ironing but regularly ironing dirty clothing and burning ho,Es in clothes , she washes everything by hand but not properly , doing food prep but gets foods mixed up sometimes and gets too much out from freezer during the day so a lot of wastage going on . She cooks but continuously opens the gas oven to check it. ( carers are present during this ) .
Dad 90 was pretty good for his age but now slowing down and starting to have memory issues . Also fiercely independent. Fast temper , in denial and tries to cover for my mum , and deaf as a post and has continence issues which he ignores . I do suspect he now has age related dementia . Spends most of day in bed . He relies on my mum !
They have 3 visits a day from private carers . They accept them doing meds and basic breakfast but refuse any other help. My parents don’t bathe or shower ( despite us having a walk in shower fitted ).
Tonight things came to a head , my mum gets on ok with some carers , others she tells them to go away , tonight she pushed the carer to get her away from the oven. She will follow them, shout at them. My father then got angry as Mum didn’t give him the dinner he expected and threw the phone at her . All in front of the carer who did her best to deal with it. We have left a phone there for the carers to text us with any issues .
I have a meeting planned with the care manager next week . She has suggested live in care or turning oven Off and carers using microwave which is in outside office as Mum won’t have it in the house .
They live in a large house on outskirts of a village and are not overlooked on three sides and were burgled overnight recently . Thankfully just property taken and they slept through it. Have taken some security measures but basically anyone could walk in daytime as they leave the doors unlocked.
How on earth do you get them to accept live in care ? If we suggest it we are met with refusal and anger . The situation is affecting us , we live 40 mins away but we both work and I find it very frustrating and are worried about their safety and their personal hygiene .
GPS are great but say we can’t force anything even though we have POA. I got the impression you have to wait for a catastrophe to happen before you can make things happen.
Would live in care work with these two ?
Mum (86) diagnosed around 18 months ago with both Vascular and Alzheimer’s but we feel she has had memory issues for some time . Fiercely independent . Now totally deluded that she does everything but doesn’t. She is still ironing but regularly ironing dirty clothing and burning ho,Es in clothes , she washes everything by hand but not properly , doing food prep but gets foods mixed up sometimes and gets too much out from freezer during the day so a lot of wastage going on . She cooks but continuously opens the gas oven to check it. ( carers are present during this ) .
Dad 90 was pretty good for his age but now slowing down and starting to have memory issues . Also fiercely independent. Fast temper , in denial and tries to cover for my mum , and deaf as a post and has continence issues which he ignores . I do suspect he now has age related dementia . Spends most of day in bed . He relies on my mum !
They have 3 visits a day from private carers . They accept them doing meds and basic breakfast but refuse any other help. My parents don’t bathe or shower ( despite us having a walk in shower fitted ).
Tonight things came to a head , my mum gets on ok with some carers , others she tells them to go away , tonight she pushed the carer to get her away from the oven. She will follow them, shout at them. My father then got angry as Mum didn’t give him the dinner he expected and threw the phone at her . All in front of the carer who did her best to deal with it. We have left a phone there for the carers to text us with any issues .
I have a meeting planned with the care manager next week . She has suggested live in care or turning oven Off and carers using microwave which is in outside office as Mum won’t have it in the house .
They live in a large house on outskirts of a village and are not overlooked on three sides and were burgled overnight recently . Thankfully just property taken and they slept through it. Have taken some security measures but basically anyone could walk in daytime as they leave the doors unlocked.
How on earth do you get them to accept live in care ? If we suggest it we are met with refusal and anger . The situation is affecting us , we live 40 mins away but we both work and I find it very frustrating and are worried about their safety and their personal hygiene .
GPS are great but say we can’t force anything even though we have POA. I got the impression you have to wait for a catastrophe to happen before you can make things happen.
Would live in care work with these two ?