Hi
This is a bit of a ramble but any help would be welcome.
I have been trying to help my mum cope with Paperwork house support, shopping etc..... all the normal things about running a house since the summer when my Dad died, my Dad always did everything. They were both very secretive on Money and any matters financial, along with heath matters. Which has made it stressful even without dealing with possible dementia. I am working towards being able to put in for Probate, and we as a family have applied for POA for finance.
A lot of companies are spelling names wrong on Paperwork as well, including getting my parents surname right in the main body of the letter and spelling it wrong on a cheque or more seriously my name round the wrong way on the Paperwork from the Tax office, which will take time to fix, despite me being on the death certificate correctly and using tell us once.
However every time I go around to the house at least 2 times a week, there is more paperwork that she cannot remember to give me, or does not remember anything about it (especially charities) There is paperwork in the recycling bin, with her name on it or my father's name,. But she says she can remember what to do. By the time I have finished diving into the bins, to see what I don't know about, I am exausted.
By her complaining about things not working, but she has not told me, or my sister or expects an instant fix and will not allow me to investigate I am lacking any patience. Then tries to organise things and does not tell us, and does not have the full details to tell trades people properly. Then has no idea on a correct price for doing the work, as my dad was a DIY mad person and used to fix everything. But they are now wearing out. Last major work on House done in 1980's for plumbing for example..
Dealing with trying to do her shopping and her not eating the food that I we bring her. (No vegetables, and then going out with her friends and buying way to much food which she will never eat, seeing it go mouldy. (No idea of dates and - its alright normally her response.). We have also realised that if her friends invite her round to eat, she is normally sick. She does have eating issues but cannot tell us properly about them or even follow doctors, or sensible advice.
The worst has been finding a plastic bag with sick in in the recycing bin with no clip on it at all - then her saying she knows what she is doing. - The I can, I can, I can I can. I know, I know as I come back in from discovering this sort of thing each week is exausting.
Then attempting to find anything in the house is equally impossible as they are all in plastic bags tied up all over the place. well hidden in cupboards or on shelves , even finding a usable bag for the waste bin is a trial .
I need to take my husband with me when I go to see her, so I can check I am hearing everything she says and understanding that she is being equally strange with him as well.
Worrying about her not falling over in a very old house with steps all over the place. I am exausted and no able to focus on trying to understand the finance or even apply for probate. My sister tries to help with telling me about phone calls etc to compare notes to help but is not 3 miles away like me and does not drive, and has to stay with my mum as we no room for her to stay which adds more stress for cooking etc. We are trying to be on the same wavelength with responding to her.
Have got access to her bank account for paying for things, but she will not tell me what is always going on, and says she remembers her PIN, but has had to have her friends bail her out and then tries to cover it up.
The doctors have got her in for an appointment with the memory clinic but this is not until April of this year. She has very little trust in any doctors and always says her friends, her friends will tell her what to do. (one is an ex-GP) . The doctors are trying to make sure I am ok as well and are trying to support me as well.
The Social services have been asked by the GP for a visit, but if they have contacted my mum direct she does not answer her phone or would say nothing to me or say they must be wrong . An appointment for a CT scan would have been missed if I had not put my mobile on the system as her mobile, and been at the house this week when post was delivered to check on details, which was another I know, I know. situation.
I have tried the local carers organisation and other organisations, but they will not talk to me until POA comes through.
A lot of things on these forums seem to be about people living with people with dementia (Not trying to support) as a daughter., which I get , but I WOULD LOVE A RESPONSE FROM someone like me.
I love my mum but don't like her at the moment and probably not for a while as we had nothing really to talk about and what does interest me she cannot accept because they were not (Sanctioned/Suggested/Owned) by her, or started 10-20 years ago.
Thanks
.
This is a bit of a ramble but any help would be welcome.
I have been trying to help my mum cope with Paperwork house support, shopping etc..... all the normal things about running a house since the summer when my Dad died, my Dad always did everything. They were both very secretive on Money and any matters financial, along with heath matters. Which has made it stressful even without dealing with possible dementia. I am working towards being able to put in for Probate, and we as a family have applied for POA for finance.
A lot of companies are spelling names wrong on Paperwork as well, including getting my parents surname right in the main body of the letter and spelling it wrong on a cheque or more seriously my name round the wrong way on the Paperwork from the Tax office, which will take time to fix, despite me being on the death certificate correctly and using tell us once.
However every time I go around to the house at least 2 times a week, there is more paperwork that she cannot remember to give me, or does not remember anything about it (especially charities) There is paperwork in the recycling bin, with her name on it or my father's name,. But she says she can remember what to do. By the time I have finished diving into the bins, to see what I don't know about, I am exausted.
By her complaining about things not working, but she has not told me, or my sister or expects an instant fix and will not allow me to investigate I am lacking any patience. Then tries to organise things and does not tell us, and does not have the full details to tell trades people properly. Then has no idea on a correct price for doing the work, as my dad was a DIY mad person and used to fix everything. But they are now wearing out. Last major work on House done in 1980's for plumbing for example..
Dealing with trying to do her shopping and her not eating the food that I we bring her. (No vegetables, and then going out with her friends and buying way to much food which she will never eat, seeing it go mouldy. (No idea of dates and - its alright normally her response.). We have also realised that if her friends invite her round to eat, she is normally sick. She does have eating issues but cannot tell us properly about them or even follow doctors, or sensible advice.
The worst has been finding a plastic bag with sick in in the recycing bin with no clip on it at all - then her saying she knows what she is doing. - The I can, I can, I can I can. I know, I know as I come back in from discovering this sort of thing each week is exausting.
Then attempting to find anything in the house is equally impossible as they are all in plastic bags tied up all over the place. well hidden in cupboards or on shelves , even finding a usable bag for the waste bin is a trial .
I need to take my husband with me when I go to see her, so I can check I am hearing everything she says and understanding that she is being equally strange with him as well.
Worrying about her not falling over in a very old house with steps all over the place. I am exausted and no able to focus on trying to understand the finance or even apply for probate. My sister tries to help with telling me about phone calls etc to compare notes to help but is not 3 miles away like me and does not drive, and has to stay with my mum as we no room for her to stay which adds more stress for cooking etc. We are trying to be on the same wavelength with responding to her.
Have got access to her bank account for paying for things, but she will not tell me what is always going on, and says she remembers her PIN, but has had to have her friends bail her out and then tries to cover it up.
The doctors have got her in for an appointment with the memory clinic but this is not until April of this year. She has very little trust in any doctors and always says her friends, her friends will tell her what to do. (one is an ex-GP) . The doctors are trying to make sure I am ok as well and are trying to support me as well.
The Social services have been asked by the GP for a visit, but if they have contacted my mum direct she does not answer her phone or would say nothing to me or say they must be wrong . An appointment for a CT scan would have been missed if I had not put my mobile on the system as her mobile, and been at the house this week when post was delivered to check on details, which was another I know, I know. situation.
I have tried the local carers organisation and other organisations, but they will not talk to me until POA comes through.
A lot of things on these forums seem to be about people living with people with dementia (Not trying to support) as a daughter., which I get , but I WOULD LOVE A RESPONSE FROM someone like me.
I love my mum but don't like her at the moment and probably not for a while as we had nothing really to talk about and what does interest me she cannot accept because they were not (Sanctioned/Suggested/Owned) by her, or started 10-20 years ago.
Thanks
.
