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not her daughter!

shark2

Registered User
Aug 22, 2012
136
n ireland
My mum fell at Christmas and broke 2 bones in her neck. Long story short is that she is now in a care home. The sraff say she is fine and settled but when I visit she really doesn't like me. She gives me dirty looks and tells anyone who will listen that she hates me. I know she doesn't but sometimes ita hard when shes so pleasant to her other visitors. Shes noq not convinced im her daughter. Telling everyone that I turned up on her doorstep aged 5and she took me in. Keeps asking who id been with before that! She also tells everyone that I pushed her down the stairs and I put her into the home. Shes taken to wearing a scarf round her neck to " cover the scars":-(
Doesn't remember my dad at all . Knows he's dead but thats it.

Dont really know why im posting this tbh. Not coping well with the guilt and ive just put her house on the market to pay foe her care. Shes adamant shes going home and says im keeping her in the care home. Just feeling sorry for myself at the minute :'( sorry
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,855
Merseyside
That must be very hard for you. Would it be worth cutting back on your visits for a little while?
 

Patricia Alice

Registered User
Mar 2, 2015
179
I really, really know and understand where you are coming from.

We get this treatment all the time. The staff say she is a little unsettled at times but the majority of the time she is fine, when we visit we get called everything from an ant to an elephant, she hates us, she didn't put us into care etc etc and come home with such a heavy hearts.

We have cut visits back to 3 times a week as she has no concept of time. we don't like doing it but it is needed for her to settle more (if she ever will) and for us also.

It is very hard.
 

shark2

Registered User
Aug 22, 2012
136
n ireland
Thanks for your replies. I have cut back on visiting - prior to her being in care I saw her everyday; now I visit 3 times a week. She usually has a visitor everyday so in that respect she is very fortunate.

I understand that she associates me with home, but she can't say bad enough about me. Told my son this evening that when I visit I run off and leave her standing in the doorway instead of taking her home.:(

Anyway hopefully its a phase and she will settle more.:rolleyes:
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
She gives me dirty looks and tells anyone who will listen that she hates me. I know she doesn't but sometimes ita hard when shes so pleasant to her other visitors. Shes noq not convinced im her daughter. Telling everyone that I turned up on her doorstep aged 5and she took me in. Keeps asking who id been with before that! She also tells everyone that I pushed her down the stairs and I put her into the home. Shes taken to wearing a scarf round her neck to " cover the scars":-(
Doesn't remember my dad at all . Knows he's dead but thats it.
Being pro active on this site educating myself about dementia while caring for my mother for 7 years .
Before mum past way in 2009
I read...



When plaque builds up in the brain's nerve cells – one of the causes of Alzheimer's – memory and thinking are impacted. That is one of the causes of confusion among people with Alzheimer's disease and their inability to organise their thoughts or remember the faces of people closest to them.

Sounds like your mother is fabricating a story about you to fill in the gaps that she can no longer reremeber

Must be such emotional toll on you .
You done the right thing in putting your mother in Care home.
You could be proud of yourself, even if you don’t feel proud of yourself .

Your mother may not have the clarity of thought understand the seriousness of her disease, but you did.
so well done.

Try not be so harsh with yourself by letting go of negative energy of guilt

Guilt is so draining emotional.
It is understandable, but such a waste of energy .

Take care wishing you loads positive energy :) xx
 

Hoopygal

Registered User
Aug 21, 2015
4
Be kind to yourself

My mum fell at Christmas and broke 2 bones in her neck. Long story short is that she is now in a care home. The sraff say she is fine and settled but when I visit she really doesn't like me. She gives me dirty looks and tells anyone who will listen that she hates me. I know she doesn't but sometimes ita hard when shes so pleasant to her other visitors. Shes noq not convinced im her daughter. Telling everyone that I turned up on her doorstep aged 5and she took me in. Keeps asking who id been with before that! She also tells everyone that I pushed her down the stairs and I put her into the home. Shes taken to wearing a scarf round her neck to " cover the scars":-(
Doesn't remember my dad at all . Knows he's dead but thats it.

Dont really know why im posting this tbh. Not coping well with the guilt and ive
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
West Midlands
My mum fell at Christmas and broke 2 bones in her neck. Long story short is that she is now in a care home. The sraff say she is fine and settled but when I visit she really doesn't like me. She gives me dirty looks and tells anyone who will listen that she hates me. I know she doesn't but sometimes ita hard when shes so pleasant to her other visitors. Shes noq not convinced im her daughter. Telling everyone that I turned up on her doorstep aged 5and she took me in. Keeps asking who id been with before that! She also tells everyone that I pushed her down the stairs and I put her into the home. Shes taken to wearing a scarf round her neck to " cover the scars":-(
Doesn't remember my dad at all . Knows he's dead but thats it.

Dont really know why im posting this tbh. Not coping well with the guilt and ive
I hear you. I'm holding your hand. I'm doing my best to fight that guilt monster of yours.... I've (almost) got the better of mine.... It's almost gone..... I too have had those painful comments that I now understand that because she was hurting..., she needed to hurt....

Why does anyone post? In our depths of sadness... We do so we are heard...

I hear you. I'm Here holding your hand xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 
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Babymare01

Registered User
Apr 22, 2015
309
Be kind to yourself sweet heart

You ask why you posted? Because on here you are talking to people who have or are still going through what you are. People who understand and will offer support xx

My mother now doesn't recognise me - Im her mum sometimes - and its hard. so hard. But I hold in my heart that I am her very muched loved daughter. I try and think of memories of growing up with my mum. Trips we had taken, funny things etc and I find that helps. Its not my mother that thinks what she thinks but this awful illness

But hun please please be kind to yourself and keep the thoughts of your mum growing up in your head and heart xxx