1. shark2

    shark2 Registered User

    Aug 22, 2012
    136
    n ireland
    My mum fell at Christmas and broke 2 bones in her neck. Long story short is that she is now in a care home. The sraff say she is fine and settled but when I visit she really doesn't like me. She gives me dirty looks and tells anyone who will listen that she hates me. I know she doesn't but sometimes ita hard when shes so pleasant to her other visitors. Shes noq not convinced im her daughter. Telling everyone that I turned up on her doorstep aged 5and she took me in. Keeps asking who id been with before that! She also tells everyone that I pushed her down the stairs and I put her into the home. Shes taken to wearing a scarf round her neck to " cover the scars":-(
    Doesn't remember my dad at all . Knows he's dead but thats it.

    Dont really know why im posting this tbh. Not coping well with the guilt and ive just put her house on the market to pay foe her care. Shes adamant shes going home and says im keeping her in the care home. Just feeling sorry for myself at the minute :'( sorry
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,206
    Merseyside
    That must be very hard for you. Would it be worth cutting back on your visits for a little while?
     
  3. Patricia Alice

    Patricia Alice Registered User

    Mar 2, 2015
    179
    I really, really know and understand where you are coming from.

    We get this treatment all the time. The staff say she is a little unsettled at times but the majority of the time she is fine, when we visit we get called everything from an ant to an elephant, she hates us, she didn't put us into care etc etc and come home with such a heavy hearts.

    We have cut visits back to 3 times a week as she has no concept of time. we don't like doing it but it is needed for her to settle more (if she ever will) and for us also.

    It is very hard.
     
  4. shark2

    shark2 Registered User

    Aug 22, 2012
    136
    n ireland
    Thanks for your replies. I have cut back on visiting - prior to her being in care I saw her everyday; now I visit 3 times a week. She usually has a visitor everyday so in that respect she is very fortunate.

    I understand that she associates me with home, but she can't say bad enough about me. Told my son this evening that when I visit I run off and leave her standing in the doorway instead of taking her home.:(

    Anyway hopefully its a phase and she will settle more.:rolleyes:
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Being pro active on this site educating myself about dementia while caring for my mother for 7 years .
    Before mum past way in 2009
    I read...



    When plaque builds up in the brain's nerve cells – one of the causes of Alzheimer's – memory and thinking are impacted. That is one of the causes of confusion among people with Alzheimer's disease and their inability to organise their thoughts or remember the faces of people closest to them.

    Sounds like your mother is fabricating a story about you to fill in the gaps that she can no longer reremeber

    Must be such emotional toll on you .
    You done the right thing in putting your mother in Care home.
    You could be proud of yourself, even if you don’t feel proud of yourself .

    Your mother may not have the clarity of thought understand the seriousness of her disease, but you did.
    so well done.

    Try not be so harsh with yourself by letting go of negative energy of guilt

    Guilt is so draining emotional.
    It is understandable, but such a waste of energy .

    Take care wishing you loads positive energy :) xx
     
  6. Hoopygal

    Hoopygal Registered User

    Aug 21, 2015
    4
    Be kind to yourself

     
  7. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,603
    West Midlands
    #7 2jays, Aug 21, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2015
     
  8. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    305
    Be kind to yourself sweet heart

    You ask why you posted? Because on here you are talking to people who have or are still going through what you are. People who understand and will offer support xx

    My mother now doesn't recognise me - Im her mum sometimes - and its hard. so hard. But I hold in my heart that I am her very muched loved daughter. I try and think of memories of growing up with my mum. Trips we had taken, funny things etc and I find that helps. Its not my mother that thinks what she thinks but this awful illness

    But hun please please be kind to yourself and keep the thoughts of your mum growing up in your head and heart xxx
     

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