Not a good end to the day

[Helen33]

I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to shout, I want to protest, I want to laugh, I want to have a husband who can understand the stress I am under.

I was just beginning to feel pleased that I was managing things very well when tonight just before a client session, Alan manages to escape from the sitter and is heading towards the therapy room I manage to alert the sitter and re-inform him that I cannot be interrupted whilst working.
My client arrives and during the last 15 minutes, I can sense an unease because of movement outside the room. When my client goes, the sitter informs me that it has took him all his time to keep Alan contained I want to SCREAM.

I end up saying to Alan that I want him to live here in his home for as long as possible but if this continues he will have to go to another home It seems he understood what I was saying and said as clearly as anything "it won't happen again" I want to CRY.

Yesterday I went shopping and forgot where I'd parked the car. Another worrying symptom of 'something' I spent ages trying to find it and being convinced that it had been stolen. Eventually I remembered I'd parked it somewhere else.

Tomorrow is the carer's support group but unless I can feel a bit better I won't be going. The last time I went I brought up the issue of the sitter and he ended up instantly dismissed. I can't possibly go with another problem

There is no readjustment that I can make anymore about working - it will mean a drastic decision and I really do not want this to happen I am so fed up again

 

[nellbelles]

Helen

I'm so sorry you have has such a bad day..

Wish I had answers, but I know the best thing is to send ice cream..



and of course (((HUGS)))

 

[Helen33]

Hi Helen

That's too cruel - I'm on a weight loss mission

Love

 

[nellbelles]

Helen
Virtual ice cream only has virtual calories

 

[Scottie45]

Hi Helen

Sorry you had such a bad day,hopefully tomorrow will be better.Take care Marian xx

 

[Helen33]

Hi Helen, virtually no calories eh!!! Bring on the ice cream

thanks Marian

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Helen

It might be interesting to see if Alan is more easy to manage when you are working during the day than when you are working during the evening.
It might be sundowning, it might not. It might be Alan towards the end of the day. It might be a more tired Alan.
You will only be able to see by noting by the timing, if a pattern is developing.
Ideally, it will have been a `one off`, but life isn`t ideal Helen, as we all know, and there is a possibility Alan is less able to cope without you during the evening than he is during the day.
No solution Helen, sadly, but perhaps an explanation.
Love xx

 

[gigi]

Dear Helen..

I composed a long and ..(I thought..sensible..) reply to your post..only to be interrupted ..pressed the wrong button..and lost the whole lot...

Can I ask..is today a "one off"..or a build up of situations and stresses?

If it's a one off, let it go.

If not then there are issues that you need to face.

And about the car......believe me ..I've been losing my car ever since I learned to drive..no fun in a multi-storey at the end of a day's work when all you want to do is get in your car and drive home..but you have 7 floors to trawl through to find your little piece of metal.

It's ok being fed up.....goes with the territory.

Try to get some sleep...will catch up with you tomorow...

Love xx

 

[jenniferpa]

I don't suppose, Helen, there is any possibility of seeing clients somewhere other than your home? A friend who is a part time therapist shares an office with 2 other therapists - thereby splitting the costs.

Edited to add

As for the car - I'm always doing that. It's because you have too much on your mind, and it's something (parking the car) that you do on auto pilot.

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Helen,

When you think, well I have a sitter, I can now do my thing for a while.

If something happens which causes so much emotions and the added stress, and I am talking for my experiences, well I just wanted to get into my car and drive anywhere away from the situation.

The Carers' Group you are attending should be there to support, advice and I hope you don't mind me asking but is it a Alzheimer's Branch you have been attending?

I use to write in my daily diary all the good days and the bad days as a record.

Sending you love and do hope that to-day was just a one off>

Christine

 

[Barry]

Hi Helen,

I thought I must just reply to this as I can honestly understand the frustration and stress your experiencing, but there are no easy solutions I can give except to say that given the time of day it sounds as though Alan might be having problems with sundowning as I know from my own experiences its the worst time of the day for me usually between 4-6pm every day when the whole world seems to close in on me and I become even more confused and disorientated, so normally at this time when my wife sees I’m in a bit of a state we go for a walk which helps to refresh my mind, maybe you could get your sitter to take Alan for a walk even if its in the garden at least it will distract his mind for a while whilst you get on with your work, but one thing is clear he obviously loves you and just wants to know that your close at hand for his own security of mind as I do the same thing with my dear wife, we feel the most secure when where around the one we love most.

As for forgetting where you had parked your car I don’t see anything unusual about that if it was anything untoward then you would not be working so don’t get yourself stressed about it, anyway I cant remember where I parked my brain!

 

[BarryW]

Helen is it?
I think you should go to your carers meeting and let them know how you are feeling surely they will rally around a give you the support you deserve and need. This is Sickening illness in which we both have to be as strong as we can. Somedays I feel likes superman and other days I feel like little child lost in a strange place all alone. It is a fearful time but also rewarding time when those glimmers of real joy and connection happen. I wish you only good things from here on in.. maria has just resigned herself to comments like "you are worse than the children" they are 11 & 13 and we all laugh because I have great allies in them... Hah they get away with allsorts because they say that I said they could do this or that, Ha HA and I don't even remeber. enjoy the positives out of the dramas if at all possible .We all of us know how tough it is and I am so sorry that you are in this position.

 

[Bookworm]

Hi Helen - looking forward to hearing that this was just a horrid blip - I get scared when the chaos that we live begins to not only interfere with my work but actually threaten it (the work) with annihilation......I guess you were at that point - it is a knife edge for me - i see the possibility I cannot work looming nearer maybe once per week...... but we soldier on - you will undoubtedly have many better days - let us know this is so!!

Yesterday I went shopping and forgot where I'd parked the car. Another worrying symptom of 'something' I spent ages trying to find it and being convinced that it had been stolen. Eventually I remembered I'd parked it somewhere else.

Oh yes - on the way from Liverpool to Harrogate recently - I went to a service station and emerged wrong side of motorway - NO CAR we all do it - just being tired, distracted & stress......

Love & prayers, S. xoxo

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Helen, I'm very sorry to hear about your day yesterday, and hope today goes better for you. If it was me, I think I would go to the carer's group anyway, just for the (brief) company of like minded people.

I'm always losing my car. It doesn't help that it is a boring grey colour like 95% of every other car these days. Hopefully they will run out of grey paint soon. In fact I had a Mr Toad moment recently when I was overtaken by a beautiful subtle pink coloured car. My first thought was 'I WANT one! Poop Poop! I bet they never have problems finding their car in a car park!

Love Deborah

 

[susiesue]

Hi Helen
Missed all these posts last night as catching up with some urgently required sleep

I can understand how you are feeling and that you obviously want to continue working for as long as possible - ideally I would have loved to have gone on working - it certainly helps to have something else to think about.

I hope that this was just a one-off and judging by Alan's apology to you he seems to understand that he has upset you. I would suggest that if it does happen again then perhaps going for a walk with the sitter would be a good idea, specially whilst we have these light evenings.

As for the car I once parked my car in a car park and when I came back I searched for floor 5 where I had parked it, only to find there were just three floors!! It would seem I had looked at the speed limit on the wall (5) and thought I was on the fifth floor - we all do it.

I have only just started going to a Support Group and if I were you I would go.
Lots of love and I hope you have a better day today.
x

 

[Helen33]

Thank you

What a wonderful bunch of people you all are. I've woken this morning to read that no one has a magic wand but you have given your time, effort and care which is so helpful in aiding a more positive attitude

It is not a one off. All I can say is that it happens occasionally and now I think about it, it may be no coincidence that it has come after the disruption of the drive being done last week The sitter and Alan went for a long walk but they came back before the end of the session.

I will go to the support group which is held by the Alzheimers Society. It would be nice if it was 'you lot' that were there once a month I'm going on the bus By the way the car park I lost the car in was only a very small car park

I've stood up, dusted myself down and am ready to start afresh today

Love

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Helen

I've stood up, dusted myself down and am ready to start afresh today

It`s amazing how much better things seem the next day. Our `cared for` are affected by changes and tiredness and we must not forget we are too.

I`m glad you`re going to your support group. It may not be as good as TP but you meet less often so don`t know the members as well as you know most of us.

Have a good morning Helen. It will be good to get out.

Love xx

 

[gigi]

Morning Helen....

Good to see you back on form..

It would be nice if it was 'you lot' that were there once a month

...We'll be with you in spirit..

Have a good day..!

love xx

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Helen:

I am pleased you are feeling better this morning. Hopefully within the Carers Group you will find more support and understanding of your situation with Alan.

Reading your posts of yesterday I wonder whether Alan needs a further review from the Consultant. I realise now that the lack of attention from the Consultant in the last two years did cause me major problems last year - medication should have been adjusted much earlier.

I would hate that to happen to you.

Love Jan

 

[Bookworm]

Another brilliant quote I need to remember for my own circumstances! Thanks Sylvia

It`s amazing how much better things seem the next day. Our `cared for` are affected by changes and tiredness and we must not forget we are too.

Particularly I feel this could be my signature as evenings are the times we both cope least well

Our `cared for` are affected by changes and tiredness and we must not forget we are too.