I know what you are going through. I dreaded mum's service, but, altho' it was emotional and lots of tears, they were healing tears. I hope it went well for you. I know there maybe dark days and nights to follow, but it is an important stage marker. Afterwards, I felt relief, yes, but also I was glad that I had done mum proud, sure she would have loved the service and seeing so many people turn out to bid her goodbye.Thank you lovely forum friends- your caring words and empathy have helped a lot. Mum's funeral is tomorrow. And as throughout her final years I know the family has done the best we can for her and we have planned a day of thanks and celebration of her 96 years well lived. Hope I'm able to deal with it !