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No more suffering

Blue Monday

Registered User
Aug 24, 2017
6
I joined this forum around the time my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I joined it to see how other people coped with having someone in their life who suffered from such an odious condition. I’ve posted a couple of messages and offered some advice and support based on my own experiences. Sometimes it’s just good to read how others manage (and that is not meant to sound morbid) just to see if I can take something and apply it to my own situation.

My Mum died about two and a half years ago and she suffered from vascular dementia. I think as a family we were so wrapped up in looking after mum that we didn’t see the warning signs in dad until much later. He wasn’t formally diagnosed until after she passed but as I said he was showing signs before then but we just didn’t pick them up. Once he was diagnosed it was if all the straight edges in a jigsaw puzzle had been found and put together and all his “strange” behaviours made sense.

His rate of decline was quite rapid but once he started appropriate medication his rate of decline seemed to slow down a bit. We knew he was never going to get any better and it was going to be a case of making sure he didn’t come to any harm and that his needs were met.

He had his own care package put in place but at first it was a struggle to get him to accept that carers were coming in to look after him four times a day. Eventually he came to accept them coming into his home and although he couldn’t remember any of their names he recognised their faces.

Sadly though he passed away last Thursday at 8.35 in the morning having been admitted to hospital on the Monday. He had virtually stopped eating and drank very little and had more or less taken to his bed. It took two carers to get him up but before the end it was virtually impossible to get him into the shower to wash he was so weak.

Luckily, because he was in a side room and he had tested negative for Coronavirus, we were able to visit him. It was difficult to tell if he knew we were in the room with him but I visited him on Tuesday evening and said something funny to him and I could see at that moment he was trying to smile with his mouth. He couldn’t but I looked at his eyes and could see that his eyes were doing what his mouth couldn’t. Then he squeezed my hand.

Unfortunately because of what is happening at the moment we are restricted to immediate family when we eventually set a date for his cremation. At the very most there will be four of us, possibly three since my sister is self isolating and is in the high risk category although how responsible she will be is anyone’s guess. She seems to think it’s okay to pick and choose her moments when it’s fine to venture out.

Sorry if this seems to be a bit of a ramble but I think I just had to let some of this out. His going has left a hole in my life. Not just because he was my dad but because so much of my time was spent doing his cleaning, shopping, washing, ironing and all the little things that made life a bit more bearable for him.

We were lucky. He still knew who his family were, we weren’t strangers to him. But I like to think he’s in a better place now where Alzheimer’s and dementia are banned and my mum and him are back together again.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,267
South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
Im so sorry for your loss.
Ramble all you like - this is indeed a safe place
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,858
69
Dundee
I'm so sorry read of your loss @Blue Monday.

I'm glad your have shared here and hope that has helped, even just a little. Please keep posting as I know you will get a lot of help and support here.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,077
Scotland
I joined this forum around the time my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I joined it to see how other people coped with having someone in their life who suffered from such an odious condition. I’ve posted a couple of messages and offered some advice and support based on my own experiences. Sometimes it’s just good to read how others manage (and that is not meant to sound morbid) just to see if I can take something and apply it to my own situation.

My Mum died about two and a half years ago and she suffered from vascular dementia. I think as a family we were so wrapped up in looking after mum that we didn’t see the warning signs in dad until much later. He wasn’t formally diagnosed until after she passed but as I said he was showing signs before then but we just didn’t pick them up. Once he was diagnosed it was if all the straight edges in a jigsaw puzzle had been found and put together and all his “strange” behaviours made sense.

His rate of decline was quite rapid but once he started appropriate medication his rate of decline seemed to slow down a bit. We knew he was never going to get any better and it was going to be a case of making sure he didn’t come to any harm and that his needs were met.

He had his own care package put in place but at first it was a struggle to get him to accept that carers were coming in to look after him four times a day. Eventually he came to accept them coming into his home and although he couldn’t remember any of their names he recognised their faces.

Sadly though he passed away last Thursday at 8.35 in the morning having been admitted to hospital on the Monday. He had virtually stopped eating and drank very little and had more or less taken to his bed. It took two carers to get him up but before the end it was virtually impossible to get him into the shower to wash he was so weak.

Luckily, because he was in a side room and he had tested negative for Coronavirus, we were able to visit him. It was difficult to tell if he knew we were in the room with him but I visited him on Tuesday evening and said something funny to him and I could see at that moment he was trying to smile with his mouth. He couldn’t but I looked at his eyes and could see that his eyes were doing what his mouth couldn’t. Then he squeezed my hand.

Unfortunately because of what is happening at the moment we are restricted to immediate family when we eventually set a date for his cremation. At the very most there will be four of us, possibly three since my sister is self isolating and is in the high risk category although how responsible she will be is anyone’s guess. She seems to think it’s okay to pick and choose her moments when it’s fine to venture out.

Sorry if this seems to be a bit of a ramble but I think I just had to let some of this out. His going has left a hole in my life. Not just because he was my dad but because so much of my time was spent doing his cleaning, shopping, washing, ironing and all the little things that made life a bit more bearable for him.

We were lucky. He still knew who his family were, we weren’t strangers to him. But I like to think he’s in a better place now where Alzheimer’s and dementia are banned and my mum and him are back together again.
It is such a sad time isn’t it. Not to able to say or do what we feel we should. I think you have to take comfort from doing your best for them both. Try to think back on good times and forget the pain.