many thanks for welcoming me into the group. I desperately need some advice about my mother in law, recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
The brief history is this - my mother in law, a Dutch national, ex CPN nurse, fiercely independent and strong willed has been living alone post retirement in rural France for 15 years. The family noticed about 2 yearsago that she was suffering with memory problems which were becoming progressively worse. The French health system were very very slow in supporting a diagnosis and it became increasingly obvious that she would need “extracting” from France as she was struggling with living alone with no family nearby in a rural French Farmhouse. Her move from France was very complex and was managed by my husband and his brother.
It was decided that she would as the first step move to our local village. My husband found her a small bungalow in the village centre with good neighbours and a bus service into town with all of the necessary facilities. Our house is 500m from the village on a dangerous rural road, unlit. At this point she gave up,driving and my husband and brother in law organised a health and financial POW.
So far so good. After about 3 months in the UK she was given a definitive Alzheimer’s diagnosis and discharged from the memory clinic.
So what happens now? It is very obvious to me that she is struggling to live alone. She is hugely reliant on my husband who not only is running a growing family business and responsible for 20+ people & their jobs is also a father to 3 children age 12-15 including one with Asperger who needs our support. We both work full time in the business. I also have elderly parents who have severe Parkinson’s and advanced osteoporosis and am an only child.
My mother in law is fiercely independent and turns away any help or social groups we are putting in place for her yet she is calling my husband 20+ times a day to say that she is lonely and wants to be helpful. She walks back and forth to our house up to 6 times a day and gets distressed as we are all,out at school and work. She is managing to dress and bathe and prepare basic food although she is underweight and also suffers from advanced arthritis in her hands. She has walked along country lanes during the day and in the evening with no clue where she’s going and calls for help by knocking on people’s doors who know our family and will give her a lift home. She sometimes forgets where she lives and goes to the village shop where they takes her home - only 50metres or so. She has left a pan on which caught fire and has spent a few days with no hot water as she keeps switching the switch off. She believes that my husband is both her ex husband and her son age about 16/17. Most of the time she thinks that she lives with him in one of these personas and gets really cross that he doesn’t write her a note to let her know When he’s coming home. She then calls him repeatedly to ask when or where he is.
He has organised for a local carer to visit every morning Monday to Friday to check she’s ok, the carer takes her shopping & to the hairdresser twice a week and my husband manages all of the practical stuff such as money, medical stuff, household jobs etc. He sees her 1/2 a day & we will often do a family activity at the weekend with her like Sunday dinner or she comes to see the children playing sport. She is very tearful, anxious, and stroppy (understandably), she sends the carer away after 10 mins sometimes saying that she isn’t needed. The does t end up going to village communicate events which my husband organises to fill her day. She is a mad keen dog walker & walker - she spent all,of her free time in France walking the dog. We have “loaned” her our dog but she overfed him - he gained 5kgs in 2 months and she made him lame! so sadly we have had to stop this arrangement. Also she broke her collarbone falling off the bed 3 weeks ago - she has osteoporosis I’m sure so she can’t hold a big dog on a lead. She has jointed a walking group which my husband takes her to once a week - this is probably the best thing that she does.
So what on earth do we do. I have to look out for the best interests of my husband who cannot carry on like this. Nobody is happy! I forgot to say that my mother in law is 77.
Apologies for the length of the post. I just have to get it all down! Please don’t feel obliged to reply or read through.
The brief history is this - my mother in law, a Dutch national, ex CPN nurse, fiercely independent and strong willed has been living alone post retirement in rural France for 15 years. The family noticed about 2 yearsago that she was suffering with memory problems which were becoming progressively worse. The French health system were very very slow in supporting a diagnosis and it became increasingly obvious that she would need “extracting” from France as she was struggling with living alone with no family nearby in a rural French Farmhouse. Her move from France was very complex and was managed by my husband and his brother.
It was decided that she would as the first step move to our local village. My husband found her a small bungalow in the village centre with good neighbours and a bus service into town with all of the necessary facilities. Our house is 500m from the village on a dangerous rural road, unlit. At this point she gave up,driving and my husband and brother in law organised a health and financial POW.
So far so good. After about 3 months in the UK she was given a definitive Alzheimer’s diagnosis and discharged from the memory clinic.
So what happens now? It is very obvious to me that she is struggling to live alone. She is hugely reliant on my husband who not only is running a growing family business and responsible for 20+ people & their jobs is also a father to 3 children age 12-15 including one with Asperger who needs our support. We both work full time in the business. I also have elderly parents who have severe Parkinson’s and advanced osteoporosis and am an only child.
My mother in law is fiercely independent and turns away any help or social groups we are putting in place for her yet she is calling my husband 20+ times a day to say that she is lonely and wants to be helpful. She walks back and forth to our house up to 6 times a day and gets distressed as we are all,out at school and work. She is managing to dress and bathe and prepare basic food although she is underweight and also suffers from advanced arthritis in her hands. She has walked along country lanes during the day and in the evening with no clue where she’s going and calls for help by knocking on people’s doors who know our family and will give her a lift home. She sometimes forgets where she lives and goes to the village shop where they takes her home - only 50metres or so. She has left a pan on which caught fire and has spent a few days with no hot water as she keeps switching the switch off. She believes that my husband is both her ex husband and her son age about 16/17. Most of the time she thinks that she lives with him in one of these personas and gets really cross that he doesn’t write her a note to let her know When he’s coming home. She then calls him repeatedly to ask when or where he is.
He has organised for a local carer to visit every morning Monday to Friday to check she’s ok, the carer takes her shopping & to the hairdresser twice a week and my husband manages all of the practical stuff such as money, medical stuff, household jobs etc. He sees her 1/2 a day & we will often do a family activity at the weekend with her like Sunday dinner or she comes to see the children playing sport. She is very tearful, anxious, and stroppy (understandably), she sends the carer away after 10 mins sometimes saying that she isn’t needed. The does t end up going to village communicate events which my husband organises to fill her day. She is a mad keen dog walker & walker - she spent all,of her free time in France walking the dog. We have “loaned” her our dog but she overfed him - he gained 5kgs in 2 months and she made him lame! so sadly we have had to stop this arrangement. Also she broke her collarbone falling off the bed 3 weeks ago - she has osteoporosis I’m sure so she can’t hold a big dog on a lead. She has jointed a walking group which my husband takes her to once a week - this is probably the best thing that she does.
So what on earth do we do. I have to look out for the best interests of my husband who cannot carry on like this. Nobody is happy! I forgot to say that my mother in law is 77.
Apologies for the length of the post. I just have to get it all down! Please don’t feel obliged to reply or read through.
