Night time blues!

[twinklestar]

I will get straight to it. Any suggestions regarding night time routine. The reasons for asking this question is as follows:-

Background - my brother and I are primary carers for our mother. Diagnosed last August with vascular dementia. We currently have carers in twice a day during the week for half an hour morning and lunch time. At the weekend as I do not work I get mum up, last weekend it took me an hour each day to get her dressed and downstairs. Not easy. We decided to increase the morning time to 45 minutes and bring the carers in to get her up at the weekend. Hopefully we will start the weekend care this weekend in the morning for 30 minutes. The care company are having trouble scheduling 45 minute calls at the moment.

Any way, I have just come in from one of my two evenings out a week and I found mum out of bed, dressed (jumper inside out though) and making her bed. I have just put her back to bed. Would not changed back into her nightie and by the way I am the baddie in this!!!!! Usually goes to sleep with the light on so I insisted this was switched off.

Questions - whilst it is easy enough to get mum upstairs. How do we get her to bed at a reasonable time? Can potter about for an hour or so before getting into bed. Is then too tired to put her nightie on. Sleeps with the light on. Do not think this is helping her sleep routine. How do we deal with this? Getting up in the night other than to go to the toilet ie getting dressed, pottering about, etc.

Anyone who does not get enough sleep even without dementia suffers. I am keen that we nip this problem well in the bud before it starts to affect us all. Is there anyone out there who has been through this and has real practical solutions.

 

[jaymor]

I went through this for three years with my husband with it gradually getting worse until he never slept at all. Doctor tried several medications, non of them helped. I know this is not what you want to hear but unfortunately it is a common behaviour for someone living with dementia.

Have a word with the Doctor, although medication did not work for my husband, it may work for your Mum. it might also just be a passing phase and she will settle down, no two sufferers are the same.

I never managed to find anything that helped him stop living a 12 hour day. His day started at 8am and when we reached 8pm it was morning again. So at 10pm when I mentioned bed he was adamant that it was time we were going out no one goes to bed at 10 in the morning. 1am and my pleading for him to undress and get into bed was answered by him saying he needed his lunch not a sleep. Darkness outside and deserted roads did not convince him it was early hours of the morning.

Hopefully the Doctor will be able to help as I know from bitter experience how sleep depravation can sap every ounce of energy.

Jay

 

[lin1]

Hello.
Sorry I have no answers about how to get your Mum to bed at a reasonable time.

You said mum potters around for an hour or two and then is to tired to get undressed.
Was wondering if , trying to get mum into her nighty much earlier would help .
or taking mum upstairs a little earlier .
If mum likes the light on could you let mum have a nightlight , I find it difficult to get off to sleep in a dark room , maybe mum has developed a fear of the dark.

Sorry not much help.

 

[leedsfan]

Hello Twinklestar,

I have all the sympathy for you as I too went through the same thing with my Dad.

Although I didn't live with him ( I lived 2 miles away) he would phone me several times a night asking what time it was! I would lie awake waiting for the phone to ring. Sometimes I had to stay overnight with him and he would get up several times thinking it was daytime.

I'm afraid it really is difficult to have a set routine when dealing with a VasD sufferer. You will in time simply go with the flow, for the good of your Mum but importantly too for your own health. Sleep deprivation is truly awful. Do speak to your and your Mums GP.

I looked after my Dad for around 4 years after his diagnosis, although to be honest he had been having problems for quite sometime before that. I was a bit obsessed with keeping him and his bungalow immaculate, but soon realised that some things just didn't matter. If he wanted to stay in his jogging bottoms and not put his pyjamas on so be it. If he wanted his breakfast at 10pm fine.

Your Mum is lucky to have you Twinklestar, the fact that you are seeking support on here shows how caring you are. But, do look after yourself and take all the help offered to you.

Thinking of you.

Jane

 

[flossielime]

Hi Twinklestar

I have total sympathy with your situation. My dad is up all night too. I now need to sleep there as he is compelled to go out when he wakes - which is every hour.
He does however, go to bed when asked.

As you dont live with her - so she is not disturbing your sleep and she is just pottering around the house - could you just leave her to it?

 

[flossielime]

I used to do the whole drink, bath (relaxing bubbles) and pjs on routine with me dad - like you would with a baby/toddler. As I thought this would help with his sleeping. But to be honest I have given up on that as my dad goes to sleep ok it is just he wakes for the first time at 1am each night. However, it may work with your mum if actually getting to sleep is the problem.

I would try a small alcoholic drink - always sends me to sleep!

 

[Tin]

The only thing that worked for me was after usual bathtime, mum would sit and watch a bit of tv with me and would start to fall asleep in her chair, at that point I would help her to bed and most times, apart from bathroom visits, she would sleep through till 5am. However this has stopped working recently and I have had to turn to Lorazapam ocassionally, not ideal because of side effects one being her mood change the day after.