Newly arrived in a care home

[Rich26]

My elderly mum, who is 96, has Vascular Denemtia. Following a relatively short stay in hospital, she has now arrived at a respite care home, where she's going to receive some help with her mobilty over a six-week period, to establish whether she might be able to return to her own home. Having been 'on call' since before Christmas, when she became poorly and paying almost daily visits to look after her needs, then followed by more recent daily hospital visits, it's suddenly a very different scenario for me and my family to find her in a home, where she is receiving a concentrated level of care.

Inevitably, as will frequently tend to happen for Dementia patients, being in hospital and care homes is a confusing and disorientating experience and I wonder if anyone has any feedback on what might be put in place to help with the feelings and emotions, which mum will be experiencing? As all this has happened quite suddenly I am still feeling as though I should be making daily visits - but others have said that this isn't necessarily the best approach and that mum should be given the time to settle in to her new surroundings. I would be very grateful to receive any views or opinions about this in particular - and any other advice about making the life of a loved one less confusing and disorientating in a care home?

 

[Delphie]

I think it's very much a case of trying something and seeing if it works. Perhaps start by visiting as often as is realistically possible, then cut back if this is disruptive. A few familiar items from home might help but they could just as easily act as a reminder and prompt 'when am I going home?' questions. Also, care homes, even really good ones, can't keep an eye on everything so be prepared for items going missing (sometimes to be found again if taken by another resident and discovered in some draw or cupboard).

Ultimately, it often takes a while to settle and it can be hard on everyone. It can be helpful to remember that there are usually very good, practical reasons why residential care is the best option. Our loved ones often won't think so, we sometimes forget, but the harsh reality is that when people need a high level of care and supervision a care home is often the best place to provide it.

In other words, do your best and try not to feel guilty. xxx

 

[Rich26]

I think it's very much a case of trying something and seeing if it works. Perhaps start by visiting as often as is realistically possible, then cut back if this is disruptive. A few familiar items from home might help but they could just as easily act as a reminder and prompt 'when am I going home?' questions. Also, care homes, even really good ones, can't keep an eye on everything so be prepared for items going missing (sometimes to be found again if taken by another resident and discovered in some draw or cupboard).

Ultimately, it often takes a while to settle and it can be hard on everyone. It can be helpful to remember that there are usually very good, practical reasons why residential care is the best option. Our loved ones often won't think so, we sometimes forget, but the harsh reality is that when people need a high level of care and supervision a care home is often the best place to provide it.

In other words, do your best and try not to feel guilty. xxx

Thank you Delphie; I think you hit the nail on the head really - yes, we've taken mum a few familiar items, without it looking like this is a permanent move, (which it isn't, as this respite period will be to assess what happens next - a move home, or to a permanent care home). We're ready for things to go astray!...in fact some clothes have already done just that!

 

[canary]

Hi @Rich26

As your mum is in the care home for assessment, its actually better if you dont visit too often, otherwise it may be difficult to get a proper assessment.

My OH was in a care home for 6 weeks too - he came out nearly 3 weeks ago - and I only visited a couple of times a week. He was absolutely fine with that. I think we as carers often sit at home imagining that they are upset, lonely and feeling abandoned, but its often only when they see something/someone that reminds them of home that they feel like that.

 

[Bearz77]

My mum (78) was in hospital followed by step-down care in a care home to assist with mobility for six weeks. She hasn’t yet been officially diagnosed but dementia nurse visited her in hospital and referred to memory clinic.

My mum was very upset about being int he care home on the first day but she seemed to be ok after that. My dad visited her every day unless me or my brother visited and have him a break. It was exhausting for him but the situation was exacerbated by mum not wanting to leave her room so wasn’t getting any conversation apart from when staff came to check on her. However she can do her own personal care so she didn’t have high demands as such.

we did put some photos in her room, her own pillows and such which seemed to help.

I think it’s important not to wear yourself out with visits especially if she may go home as that’s when the real hard work starts. I would see how she settles in the first few days and see how she is reacting to her new temporary surroundings. The staff may be able to guide you too.