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[Sue T Heb]

Hi, I've just been with mum to a memory assessment with memory team. My dad went into the meeting. Me and my brother went in after, my mum has said she doesn't like spending time with me, but she looks forward to her Fridays with my brother. My heart is breaking 💔

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Sue T Heb and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia.

I am sorry to hear about your mum. People with dementia often say the cruellest things to those closest to them. It may be a sign of their frustration at something indefinable being wrong that they inevitably blame on others. Because people with dementia start to lose empathy and awareness of their own limitations, it is often the closest family members who they target for the most unthinking and hurtful remarks.

This is something that I and many others here have learned the hard way. I know how difficult it is not to react when nasty things are said. All I can suggest is that you try to distinguish between the mum whose personality still lives on inside and the dementia that has changed and now controls how she thinks, acts and speaks.

Try not to let yourself become a victim of dementia. I am certain that what she has said is not an expression of how your mum really feels. And if you find it hard to cope, come back here for understanding, empathy and support.

 

[Sue T Heb]

Hi @Sue T Heb and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia.

I am sorry to hear about your mum. People with dementia often say the cruellest things to those closest to them. It may be a sign of their frustration at something indefinable being wrong that they inevitably blame on others. Because people with dementia start to lose empathy and awareness of their own limitations, it is often the closest family members who they target for the most unthinking and hurtful remarks.

This is something that I and many others here have learned the hard way. I know how difficult it is not to react when nasty things are said. All I can suggest is that you try to distinguish between the mum whose personality still lives on inside and the dementia that has changed and now controls how she thinks, acts and speaks.

Try not to let yourself become a victim of dementia. I am certain that what she has said is not an expression of how your mum really feels. And if you find it hard to cope, come back here for understanding, empathy and support.

Thank you so much, just feel really emotional and helpless. She was behaving confused, we looked into changing her meds ie sertraline. She was weaned off it but hasn't had a follow up with GP but the memory nurse said my mum is very depressed. I feel guilty as it was me who pushed for the change in meds x

 

[leny connery]

Hi, I've just been with mum to a memory assessment with memory team. My dad went into the meeting. Me and my brother went in after, my mum has said she doesn't like spending time with me, but she looks forward to her Fridays with my brother. My heart is breaking 💔

 

[leny connery]

aw, do not take it to heart so much. mum and daughter relationship is usually different from mum and son. in any case the people with dementia have no filter and say what they say on the spur of a moment, so it is not necessarily what they feel all the time. I understand it hurts, but forgive her words and carry on loving her best as you could. then moan here , most of us understand. We can say how we feel about the man/wife we are caring for, without fear of being judged here. So, dust off and carry on.....

 

[Sue T Heb]

aw, do not take it to heart so much. mum and daughter relationship is usually different from mum and son. in any case the people with dementia have no filter and say what they say on the spur of a moment, so it is not necessarily what they feel all the time. I understand it hurts, but forgive her words and carry on loving her best as you could. then moan here , most of us understand. We can say how we feel about the man/wife we are caring for, without fear of being judged here. So, dust off and carry on.....

Thanks Leny xx