New to this site and my mum’s eating is my problem

[Jaded'n'faded]

I spent nearly 3 years trying to persuade mum to eat whilst she was in the care home - the staff did too. At first she would manage things like a bit of toast and loved chocolate. She was generally given a sandwich for tea (which she had asked for I suppose) but whenever I saw the food it was extremely unappetising - I certainly wouldn't have eaten any of it. It was cheap and horrible! A couple of triangle sandwiches with a slice of cheap ham or processed other meat. Mum would sometimes take out the slice of ham and just eat that. Mostly though she'd say, 'I don't want it. You have it if you want it. Take it home with you,' and such things.

I thought this was the problem (i.e. rubbish food) but it really wasn't! Mum just went off eating. We discussed it at length (when she was able) and I would take in mags with lots of recipes and pictures of food. To mum it all looked 'disgusting'. I tried all sorts of things to stimulate her imagination, talked about food we'd eaten in the past that I knew she loved - roast chicken straight from the oven, fish and chips at the seaside, steak and kidney pie. Nothing worked. She said to me once, 'It just doesn't interest me. I never think about food.' She also said she didn't need food because she never did anything and even gave up her beloved giant chocolate buttons.

Obviously we didn't give up and mum didn't die because she was starving! But I really think the desire for food just goes in the later stages.

 

[MartinWL]

My Dad frequently grumbles about being given too much to eat but it is psychological not physical. I recently took him for dinner in a pub and he consumed a huge steak. Back home he will eat more if not offered any choice and things are put in front of him. I keep reminding carers not to consult him, just feed him!